Freedom in Relationship~

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Every couple should set each other free.~
Which just means … tell the truth about what’s really going on.

Share what’s working and what’s not, and without obligating your partner to do anything about it.

Obligation is bondage. Obligation is why relationships stagnate, or worse: causes them to implode in a fiery fight of chaos and vitriol. Ensuring an ill-fitting obligation gets met often requires some measure of force, whether passive aggression or outright violence.

Telling our personal truth instead sets everyone free.

It sets us both free to stay if we’re genuinely called to stay, and it gives us the freedom to leave if our deepest truth is to dance elsewhere.

I’m not suggesting couples shouldn’t hunker down and do the work it takes to create a genuinely thriving intimate relationship.

I’m only suggesting that we let our partners off the hook.

Perhaps the most destructive element in a relationship is the expectation that my partner will behave different than she genuinely wants to.

In the past, when my relationships were struggling to fly, it’s almost certainly because expectations were weighing down the vessel. Either mine or hers, and usually both.

It’s perfectly appropriate – healthy, even – to make requests for what we want.
But it’s futile to obligate our partners to do what they do not authentically want to do: touch us more, touch us less, do things different, see things different, think differently, want different things than they actually want, eat differently, spend their free time differently.

I get it, though. We’re scared we won’t get our needs met, so we obligate the other person to show up and make it happen. In the process, we enslave a good person. Everyone loses, even when you get what you want.

The best gift I can ever give a partner is my happiness that doesn’t depend on her behaviour.

When I make my partner responsible for my happiness, I’m saddling her with an obligation to be a certain way for my well-being.

I’ve never met a woman who seemed to enjoy wearing a saddle. I sure don’t want to wear one. Even horses don’t like wearing a saddle until they’ve been “broken.”

I don’t want a broken woman.

Consider how deeply your partner can relax – and thus offer you their authentic love – when they know they don’t have to pretend or force themselves to be a certain way just to please you.~

~Bryan Reeves
http://bit.ly/relationship-magic

 

Wholeness in Relationship~

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“As we have mentioned, it is NOT OUTSIDE yourself that you are looking for a twin flame partner. You are looking for the integration of the female and male essence within yourself. They make one whole. Whole people are looking to connect with other whole people in relationships that are based on trust, desire, and choice.
The relationships are not based on “I need you in my life to complete me and validate me.” You become complete in yourself and operate with someone else who is complete in them-self and offers a whole new territory to explore.
When you marry that twin flame inside yourself, you are recognizing the intuitive, Goddess, life-bringing, sensitive portion of yourself as well as the portion of yourself that is powerful, rational, and intellectual. One that is very much of the Earth plane and the other is very much of the spiritual plane.
When you merge these energies together in yourself, it will be imperative that you find someone who has the same qualities.
You will not fit with someone who is not integrated and whole. You will automatically draw whole people to yourself, and it will be effortless.
You will be able to plug into one another out of desire and recognition, not out of need. You will achieve something that you never recognized as a possibility in any relationship before, and you will give relationship a very new personality, a new boundary, and a new definition.
You will become your own role models for this new type of relationship. Many of you will find that the marriage institution is meaning less. It will not fit and house what you know or how you want to live.

~Barbara Marciniak, Bringers of the Dawn

Touch Me~

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The Lover asked: How would you like me to touch you?

The Lover answered:
I would like you to touch me as if you were going away tomorrow,
far far away, and you wanted to remember the feel of my body,
the texture of my skin, the hills and valleys that make up the landscape
of who I am…

I would like you to touch me as if you were blind, knowing that you love me, but unable to see me.

Touch my face, my breasts, my belly, my toes… learn what I “look” like, imagine me in your mind as your hands explore my shape.

I would like you to touch me as if your hands were healing hands, radiating love energy with every stroke. Feel the energy penetrating through skin, through flesh, entering into the cells of my body.

I would like you to touch me as if you gained your nourishment through your hands. Feed on me, drink deeply and draw from your touch the love that I hold for you.

I would like you to touch me as if you were feeding me through your hands, as if by your touch I am nourished and sustained. Every inch of me cries out for your touch, yearns to be fed.

I would like you to touch me as if your hand were a feather, lightly caressing the edge of my being.

I would like you to touch me as if your hands were paintbrushes, and as you caress me, you are coloring me in brilliant, sparkling, dazzling hues.

I would like you to touch me as if you were erasing the outer me, allowing me to reveal my inner self to you.

I would like you to touch me as if you had carved a sculpture, and were now feeling its finish, smoothing out any rough areas, enjoying the finished product.

I would like you to touch me as if your hands were fire, burning away the dross and leaving only the pure gold of my soul.

I would like you to touch me as if your hands were sponges, soaking up the essence of my being.

I would like you to caress me as if I were made of dry clay, and by dampening my skin you enliven my spirit.

I would like you to touch me as if my skin were soft velvet.

I would like you to touch me as if you were a musician, and your touch brought forth different sounds from different parts of me.

I would like you to touch me as if I were a rare jewel, precious and valuable.

I would like you to touch me as if I were your Lover.~

~Diana Daffner

http://www.intimacyretreats.com/writings.htm#touchpoem

If It Hurts, It Isn’t Love~

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“If it hurts, it isn’t love.”

This is a saying that I have stoically avoided and a way of thinking that I have ran from.

This is because there have been parts of my love life that were excruciatingly painful and if I took the above saying on face value it would mean that I didn’t love my partner.

With me being the old romantic I am, I would quite quickly deduce that to mean I should not be with her. This would be in stark contrast to my feelings of devotion to her, my idea of our future together and my unasked for feelings towards her.

But recently the true meaning behind the statement, “If it hurts, it isn’t love” hit me. It’s not love that hurts. Love in and of itself does not hurt. It can’t. It’s something else that hurts.

But more importantly, just because there is an aspect of a relationship that hurts, does not mean the relationship is not based on love. There is something else going on that is causing the pain. This is really important.

Think of a river. Clear water bringing life to everything in its path. The river is not harmful. Nor does it cause pain or damage. But if a dead tree were to fall in to the river and be carried along it, the tree would cause immense damage to anything in its path.

The river still carries the innocent intention of simply being what it is, but the tree within the river causes hurt. So the tree is what hurts, not the river. And yet the tree and the river both exist. Both are true and both are real. The existence of one does not invalidate the other. Neither does the presence of the tree deny the fact that the river exists.

It is in the same light that I view relationship woes. I can love my partner. And it can be as unquestionable and as real as it gets. However, I may also have a huge dead tree floating along at the same time, which causes immense pain. It is my tree, probably put there by me and is absolutely my responsibility to remove. But it still exists. Right along side the love I can feel. Both are present. My irrational thought patterns do not mean that my love does not exist. My love exists and is strong. Of this I am certain.

It is not love that hurts. Love cannot ever cause pain. That there is pain does not mean that there is not love. It’s just not love that is causing the pain.

~Andy Charrington

art: Autumn Skye Morrison

So You’ve Found an Evolved Man~~

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So You’ve Found an Evolved Man~~
For eight years I’ve been calling in a life partner…

Why did it take me so long? Because I was searching for the elusive “evolved man” – a mythical creature that exists in the dreamy minds of Goddess-type women who preach atop sparkly pedestals claiming they are not “being met” by the men they are currently dating.

I desired a partner who is remarkable, like me. And I would not settle for less until I found “him”… a man who is dedicated to a path of personal evolution, has a high vision of the life he wishes to live, and lives into it every day.

Yeah right, like I am perfect and evolved!

But I AM capable and willing to do “the work” to be a better human, so I figured my mate should be the same way.

What the heck is an “evolved man”, anyways?

1. A man who has conquered his own emotional, spiritual and personal growth work and takes responsibility for his life.

2. A man who is true to his word, takes action and lives with integrity.

3. A man who loves himself so much that he cares for his body, his health, his finances, his home and keeps all aspects of his life in tip top shape.

4. A man who has mastered the fine skills of energetic lovemaking, meditation, yoga, ecstatic dance and can give me orgasms with one glance of his eyes.

5. A man who has “done the work” to be a better person and has his diplomas from The Good Men Project, Landmark, Tony Robbins, and Deepak Chopra on the wall to prove it.

Well guess what, ladies. Once you find a man like this, you better be scared shitless. Here’s why:

1. No matter how many Ester-Hicks affirmations you have posted on your bathroom mirror, in the presence of a remarkable evolved man ALL your emotional, spiritual and personal baggage will climb out from the dark corners of your mind. There is no space in this relationship for you to fall back on old stories of how you were once done wrong by an “un-evolved man” in the past. Be prepared for your personal shit to be stirred and smeared on your holy mirror and accept that only YOU are responsible for how you will respond to your “triggers”. He will hold you accountable and will not settle for your emotional, self-righteous rants.

2. It’s easy to make a list of all the ways YOU think you are impeccable with your word, but an evolved man will hold a mirror to your soul and reveal all your blind spots. If he says he will pick you up at 8pm, he will show up on time – while you are still in the bathroom sticking just a few more sparkle bindis on your forehead, which means YOU are late. You complain that your car needs an oil change and post on Facebook that you are “manifesting a mechanic who will trade for crystals”, while he is already under the hood getting it done. You have a dusty vision board on your wall with photos of dreams you wish to achieve, while he is busy making shit happen. Time to step it up!

3. Sure, I generally eat healthy (with a daily side of wine and cheese) and somehow get my rent paid at the end of each month, but am I really living up to my fullest potential? I desired a man who is stable and wealthy, in tip top shape, cooks gourmet farmers market organic meals every night and lives in my future dream home that I would eventually move into and make our own… while I was frankly broke, flabby, living in a ghetto apartment and eating In-n-Out Burgers on Wednesday nights in front of the TV. When you meet your dream man, prepare to start scrambling to clean up your life!

4. My previous boyfriend didn’t know a lick of yoga, thought chakras were bullshit, and spent his days stalking hippies on the internet to prove their motivational message memes were wrong. This left me doing my Tantra yoga poses and prayer circles on my own, and we eventually broke up because he wasn’t “spiritual enough”. Then enters Mr. Evolved Man who gets up at the crack of dawn every single fucking morning to meditate, hits Bikram three times a week, and can run circles around you doing handstands while you are still sipping on your Starbucks after your once a month ecstatic dance class. Wiping the dust out of your eyes, you begrudgingly buy that unlimited monthly pass card for the yoga studio down the street so you can keep up with him.

5. You boast that you were a keynote speaker at Lightning in a Bottle last year at the Yoga Dome. You don’t need any more self-help diplomas, YOU are the expert now! In the meantime HE is a student of life, always learning, always growing, always seeking new inspiration and perspective from his mentors because he knows that NOT KNOWING is a place of power. He accepts that he is a work in progress and loves you just the way you are… then signs you up for a year of Landmark education that kicks your spiritual ass to the ground.

Yes, you may think you have the upper hand as a Goddess-type woman who is already “evolved”, because a lot of “dudes” out there still don’t get it. But until you accept that you have tons to learn from someone else and that their life accomplishments are amazingly different than your own, you will never be met.

There is no such thing as an “evolved man”!

Look instead for someone who is in the process of “evolv-ING” – and when you find him take his hand that is reaching for yours, step off your damn pedestal and climb up the steep road of life together as partners who can support one another along the way.

And if you are not scared shitless, you are doing it wrong.~

~Scarlet Armor

http://www.scarletamor.com/evolved-man/

Higher Sexual Consciousness~

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The path to awakened Shakti (sacred feminine life-force) will nearly always necessitate purification and vibrational ascension of the sexual energy within you.

True feminine sexual power is an alchemical, frequency-altering natural force that can influence consciousness on earthly and cosmic levels. When feminine sexuality is in full flow: embodied, accepted, trusted, openly expressed and owned without shame or guilt, divine shifts occur within a woman, her partner, and the entire universe.

Such is the power of a high-vibrationally attuned female sexuality, that some form of clearing or transformative experiences around this issue are usually part of the feminine ascension pathway.

When Kundalini energy begins to stir at the Root Chakra, it triggers specific healing forces that begin to work around any sexual blocks or restrictions present. This can lead to varying experiences that are all designed to clear and heal anything that is obstructing the highest natural flow of sacred sensual vibration.

If you are at this place in your spiritual journey, the Universe facilitates whatever is needed to best prepare you for holding and channelling much higher sexual frequencies in your body and chakras.

This can manifest in a myriad of ways: periods of celibacy, sexual therapy, receiving loving and healing touch in safe spaces, identifying and working through past experiences of abuse or violation (can be from past lives), examining emotional patterns and intimacy issues and so on.

It is very common to be drawn at this time to Tantra and sacred sexual practices, or any arena or body of learning that supports awareness of Spirit through Sex.

Many women who are now being actively called into Divine Service of the Goddess have practiced sacred sexual activities at a very high level in past incarnations. It is this memory of channelling extremely high, healing and ecstatic vibrations through sexual arousal and intimacy that is being re-stimulated.

Fully awakened divine feminine sexual power is phenomenally creative, healing and transmutative. It builds a bridge between the temporal and spiritual worlds – aligning hearts, minds and bodies with the Goddess through rapturous sacred union.
Many women have been called onto the path of higher sexual consciousness in recent years, and many more will continue to be drawn to this purifying initiation into the Divine Alchemy of Sacred Sex.

In this way, the Universe unleashes on the world a team of highly-qualified spiritual teachers in the form of awakened, empowered females – gifting the Earth with their ancient, radical sexual wisdom.

Trust that the Universe knows exactly what you need for your re-initiation into the role of Sexual Priestess, drafted in to bring great transformation through conscious sensual pleasure.

Your sexuality is imbued with wisdom, power, strength, unconditional love and acceptance.

The Divine Feminine sexual nature is holy medicine for the planet. Healed into Wholeness, a woman initiated into her radical, powerful sexual being is a monumental Gift to the Earth.

~Sophie Bashford

www.sophiebashford.com

Listen to Your Heart~

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Listen with your heart~

Infatuation is easy, intimacy is hard. In the middle of a disagreement, so many people wait for their turn to speak, instead of really listening to their partner. Years of history can bubble to the surface in an instant.

The need to be right can be deafening and blinding, and sometimes people dig their heels in so deeply there’s no hope for honest communication. As if it’s a fight, and their partner is their opponent, and the object is to win.

But a relationship is not a game, and there are no winners when you and the person you love are in pain. You protect your ego, or you protect the relationship. If you want to truly love, that requires your vulnerability, and it takes guts to be naked like that.

So many people confuse love with control and manipulation. But love is about acceptance and a celebration. That doesn’t mean there won’t be things to work on, because of course there will. It just means that you see people as they are, and you accept them and celebrate them, while also loving yourself.

If you keep nurturing a real connection, doing those things simultaneously, that is, loving your partner and also making sure you’re honouring yourself will be natural.

There’s so much beauty in true partnership, but it takes effort. For whatever reason, that part doesn’t get covered in the fairy tales or the romantic comedies.~

~Ally Hamilton

Excerpt from: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-11265/the-3-biggest-downfalls-of-romantic-relationships-how-to-avoid-them.html

 

 

COSMIC ORGASM through TANTRA ~~

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COSMIC ORGASM through TANTRA ~~

Tantra first teaches how to move in sex, how to know it, how to feel it, how to come to the deepest shiva cosmic dance possibility hidden in it, to the climax, how to find the essential beauty, the essential happiness and bliss that is hidden there.
Once you know that secret you can transcend it because, really, in a deep sexual orgasm it is not sex which gives you bliss, it is something else. Sex is just a situation. Something else is giving you the euphoria, the ecstasy. That something else can be divided into three elements. But when I speak about those elements, do not think that you can understand them just from my words. They must become part of your experience. As concepts they are useless. Because of three basic elements in sex you come to a blissful moment.Those three are:

~Firstly, Timelessness

You transcend time completely. There is no time. You forget time completely; time ceases for you. Not that time ceases, it ceases for YOU; you are not in it. There is no past, no future. In this very moment, here and now, the whole existence is concentrated. This moment becomes the only real moment. If you can make this moment the only real moment without sex, then there is no need of sex. Through meditation it happens.

~Secondly, You Become Egoless

In sex for the first time you lose your ego. So all those who are very much egoistic, they are all always against sex, because in sex they have to lose their egos. You are not, nor is there the other. You and your beloved are both lost into something else. A new reality evolves, a new unit comes into existence in which the old two are lost – completely lost. The ego is afraid. You are no more there. If without sex you can come to a moment when you are not, then there is no need of it.

~Thirdly, the Unreal is Lost

In sex you are natural for the first time. The unreal is lost, the faces, the facades are lost; the society, the culture, the civilization, is lost. You are a part of nature. As trees are, as animals are, as stars are, you are a part of nature. You are in a greater something – the cosmos, the Tao. You are floating in it. You cannot even swim in it; YOU are not. You are just floating – being taken by the current.

These Three Things Give You the Ecstasy

Sex is just a situation in which it happens naturally. Once you know and once you can feel these elements, you can create these elements independently of sex. All meditation is essentially the experience of sex without sex, but you have to go through it. It must become part of your experience, not just be there as concepts, ideas, thoughts.
Tantra is not for sex, tantra is to transcend. But you can transcend only through experience – existential experience – not through ideology. Only through tantra does Brahmacharya happen. This looks paradoxical, but it is not. Only through knowledge does transcendence happen. Ignorance cannot help you towards transcendence; it can only help you towards hypocrisy.

~Osho – The Secret of Secrets, Vol.2 #10

http://www.satrakshita.be/cosmic_orgasm_through_tantra.htm

 

Returning to Wholeness~

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Divine Feminine/ Earthly Mother ~ Returning to Wholeness~~

The Divine Feminine is represented in many things. It is the energy on earth known as the teacher, the inspirer, the place where things are born into creation, the receptive and intuitive place within, the earth. The Divine Feminine is not whole without the Divine Masculine, as the Divine Masculine is not whole without the Divine Feminine. We can see this teaching by looking at our bodies, our bodies which are direct and individual representations of the earthly mother. The matter which is the earthly mother awaits the infusion of the Heavenly Father, as the Heavenly Father awaits the inspiration of the earthly mother.

When one infuses the other there is creation. This teaching can be seen at so many levels. I will give you some examples, but this writing is only to inspire you, so that you can then go and look for this in nature, in life, in everything. Let us use the human body as our first representation of the divine feminine/earthly mother. The human body is made of the earth, it is made of matter. But it is not a creation until it is infused with spirit, with action, with the divine masculine. When one unites with the other, it becomes whole. Now let’s see this from another perspective, the human body as Divine Feminine, is not whole and healthy unless one takes action (the Divine Masculine) upon it. The body is waiting and receptive to action.

When we can infuse and feed the body with right action, the purest form of Divine Masculine, which can be exercise, organic foods, pure water, natural settings, the earthly mother that is your body thrives because it has been infused with its other half, and therefore is seen in its wholeness. Now we can take this to a micro level within the body. The egg, waiting and receptive, to the action and infusion from the sperm. Without one or the other there is no creation. The mother is our teacher, truly. She is where we find all Truth, the truth of nature, the truth of creation. In nature we will find the answers to how to live our lives. We cannot rely on the tainted perceptions of old teachings that have been warped with personal agenda. Instead we must look to our true mother. She is found in all of nature, for nature is the most pure and untainted form of creation, this is where we can find teachings of balance and Truth. She is here to inspire us, and it is our job to be inspired and take her teachings and put them into action. When this happens true creation comes from this wholeness.

As we can see, the divine feminine, earthly mother has been rejected and repressed for a while. It is our duty as evolving human beings to start to look to her, in every aspect of creation to teach us things and inspire us. In nature, in earth, in intuition, in women. This is where creation has been rejected and that is why there has been an imbalance. But things are shifting, and the earthly mother is no longer willing to be ignored. She wants to be loved, accepted, treated with respect and honor. I feel this desire even within my own self, being a physical representation of her my self, her energy is bubbling to the surface, and by writing I am taking action to birth her teaching into creation.

I will continue to write about these things and how they are represented in different aspects of life so that we may all learn from her and learn how to utilize these energies to create. There is so much to be said and it is so hard to put into words. We must learn to be silent, and receptive like her, to gain her teachings.

Where is the divine feminine in your life waiting to be infused with the divine masculine? What is waiting and receptive, full of inspiration, that needs to be made whole with action and energy? This is not a teaching on just the divine feminine, but on become whole within ourselves again. When this happens we can then become whole in our relationships, families, communities, and eventually globally. But first, start with your Self.

~Courtney Marie Schmidt

art: Andrew Gonzalez

The Empowered Woman~

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What does the empowered woman feel like? I know we have used this word empowered quite a bit over the past few years. But for me this word conveys an energy that I like. To feel empowered is for me to feel powerful from within. It truly describes the feminine way of power.

Our essential feminine power comes from our core, our sexual centre, our yoni. For men it resides in the hara or dantien, the solar plexis. You see the most potent force that women have is our shakti. Our primal life force, sexual creative energy. This force resides in all of us, but for women it is what in many ways defines us.

It is this primal energy from our sex centre, the second chakra, (that point just above the pelvic bone) that enables us to create life, to be wild and free as well as docile, harmonious and calm. Our sexual energy is our true feminine power as it is here that the creation of life begins and the mystery of our body is held.

Our sexual energy entices, allures, fascinates, radiates and attracts both men and women. When a woman is fully embodying her sexual essence, she is her most empowered self. She walks with the grace of one who is confident, centred, serene, present, sensual and fully in her body. She is not afraid of her sexual energy or of the power this energy has over other people. She understands her power and is able to use it wisely, with compassion and integrity.

Since she no longer needs to manipulate or control with her sexual energy or survive on it, she can be authentically herself, her full embodied goddess self. She is proud of her womanliness, her yoni her breasts her hips her belly and all of her curves. She revels in her body and loves all of it no matter what shape it is.

It is from this place that she creates and offers her gifts, and it is from this place that she partners with man. A woman who is fully living in her feminine power is naturally radiant, receptive, yet strong from within herself. This woman lives in you and me and I invite you to discover her.

~ Luminessa Enjara

http://www.examiner.com/article/the-true-power-of-a-woman

art: Jarah Leopard