Love relationships are not essential to living a meaningful life or feeling happy, fulfilled and loved for me.
My single life is rich and deeply fulfilling, sacrificing its freedoms requires a relationship to be aligned with my life, needs and wishes and enrich me beyond what my aloneness provides.
The relationship type I prefer is based on the premise that everyone is a sovereign being, fully responsible for their wellbeing and complete onto themselves. I choose a relationship to live love, connect, commune, co-create, learn, share adventures and ventures, explore life together in commitment and freedom.
I do not resonate with monogamy as a basis for my relationships, I prefer to relate in the freedom to live and love authentically as it feels aligned and in consent with my partner(s).
Chose a man who is conscious and capable of communicating his inner reality.
When a man lacks consciousness about himself and his drives no depth of communication and understanding can be created between us. Should he be conscious but incapable or unwilling of communicating his inner truths, realities, wishes and wants I end up frustrated and feeling unmet. This doesn’t align with my idea of relationship while it might be blissfully right for another woman.
Furthermore it takes consciousness and presence to call me out on my ego bs and help me learn about patterns that are still fairly unconscious.
Choose a man who has self love.
A man who is unloving with himself is not capable of loving me consistently, eventually the same patterns of unlove will be extended towards me and hurt my feelings. A man who loves himself, takes care of his wellbeing on all levels, lives with intent and love is capable of an interdependant relationship.
Choose a man who has learnt to balance the needs of his self and the others.
A man who keeps putting others first to the detriment of his boundaries and wellbeing will in time do the same to you once the honeymoon period is over. In the same way an egocentric man will have a hard time incorporating my needs in his thinking and planning. A man who has already begun to master this balance will be an equal partner in negotiating a relationship which has the happiness and fulfilment of all at its heart.
Choose a man who is warm and treats you with tenderness.
As strong and wilful as I can be, there is another aspect of me longing to be met and be safe with a partner, my tender and fragile self. This part of me prefers to connect with warm, loving, tender, adoring men and keeps its distance from those who tend to be unromantic, thoughtless or cold.
Choose a man who lives with integrity, honesty and openness.
When a man lacks integrity, honesty or openness in any areas of his life he will be very incompatible with me. No matter how much my mind might come up witth excuses and rationalizations how its ok if he is lacking in any of these, when attracted to someone, in the end it always ends up being a deal-breaker.
Choose a man who keeps his word and promises.
This is not so much about wanting consistency because circumstances, thoughts and intents can always change. But this is another aspect of integrity, of being mindful of the meaning of ones yes and no and holding oneself to a higher standard. Trust grows with experiencing the other as reliable and trustworthy, especially for me as the first loves of my childhood were unreliable.
Choose a man who intents and lives from love not fear.
People who are driven by fear tend to make unhelpful choices and create more drama by letting unconscious patterns take over and often create the feared circumstances instead of avoiding them. Living from love allows meeting your partner in times of conflict or hardships in a space of love and cooperation instead of entrenching even more what separates you as fear does.
Choose a man you respect and perceive as an equal
Whenever I have explored pairing up in an perceived imbalance, it brought out my demons when things went sour. It takes a strong, wise and kind man to stand up to my demons and not be steamrolled or get abusive. There are not many men who fit this bill, I know I am a challenge but I also know what I bring to the table to more than make up for it – for the right kind of men.~~