Intimacy Heals~

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Why is intimate relationship such a burning alchemical vessel for growth, healing, and transformation? One of the reasons is that in the mandala of the beloved there is nowhere to hide. All of our early trauma and wounding arose in an interpersonal context and must likewise be unwound within a relational field. The beloved has appeared as this field, but she has also come promising the end of your world as you have known it.

If you have a partner who knows your early history, who is intimately familiar with your core vulnerabilities, and is compassionately attuned to its unfolding and illumination, you are teetering on the edge of cliff. But it is a cliff of grace. But this grace is on fire. On the one hand, a portal has been opened, your guide has appeared as a translucent mirror to you the wholeness that you are. She will hold you and will relentlessly reveal to you the mysteries of your body, your psyche, your organs, your cells, and your nervous system. What a precious situation.

On the other hand, he is an emissary of the unknown. In his presence, universes come and go; there is no ground, no reference point to lean into; no matter how deeply you look, you find only empty space. Nothing is certain anymore. You are being held, but it is a holding that is unbearably vulnerable and without history. You stand totally unclothed in her presence, unable to fool him like you fool so many others, unable to pretend you have it all together. The beloved has no interest in your holding it all together. She wants all the way inside and will use whatever skilful means she must to find you. She will always push up against that which is unresolved within you. For she loves you this much.

The beloved is mad crazy in love with you, but may never fit your historical requirements and ideas about what this actually means, about the true implications of having a beloved in your life. She has appeared as your tour guide into the secret areas of your body. If you follow her, your world will become unravelled, you will be taken behind the scenes where the relative world is being organized. The beloved sees you as you are and this is terrifying. In his presence, you are beheld as the majesty that you are, but this is unbearable. You come face to face with the greatest fear that you’ve ever known, but have never been able to articulate: that you are loved. For when you are truly loved, when you are entirely seen, when you are fully held, it is the end of your world as you know it. You will never be the same. You will never again be able to pretend that you are other than perfect and precious as you are. And this is terrifying.

You long to be loved, to be seen, to be held, but please know that the implications of this are immense; they are cosmic in proportion. To allow yourself to be loved in this way a part of you must die. Everything you thought you weren’t must be surrendered. You must let go of the stories of the unlovable one, the awakened one, the special one, the imperfect one, the flawed one, and the lonely one. Love wishes to reveal your nakedness, to remove your clothing, and to burn away all that is false and less than whole within you. What you are is a raging firestorm of creativity, sensuality, openness, warmth, and kindness.

Love will never stop until you know this.

If you will allow her or him, the beloved will show you the infinite ways that your heart is at risk of breaking open in any moment, and never, ever being put back together again. She will plead with you to let it all go, to fall on the ground, and to allow yourself to fall apart, so she can show you that you were never, ever together to begin with. He will reveal to you that this raw, tender, vulnerable open heart that you feel beating inside you—right here and right now—that this is your gift to the world.

~Matt Licata

 

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