7 Types of Relationships & The Influence of The Chakras~

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According to the Vedas there are 7 types of relationships that we can experience in our lives. These 7 categories of relationships achieve a certain type of harmony between two people that correspond to our 7 chakra centres: your root centre, sacral chakra, solar plexus, heart centre, throat chakra, brow chakra (third eye centre), and crown chakra.

Your chakras are the energetic centres of your lightbody, your spiritual body. Each chakra controls different areas of your life, and when you can balance and cleanse your chakras, you begin to balance and cleanse your life simultaneously. The state of your chakras can influence many aspects of your life, including marriages and romantic relationships – which is the topic of today’s blog post.

According to the Vedas, the chakra that is most active in your relationship determines your ambitions and goals within your relationship. So if your relationship is based from your root chakra, your understanding of family happiness in your marriage will be under the influence of the powers governed by your root chakra. The lower chakras (Root, sacral and solar plexus) tend to bring more opportunities for unhappiness, whereas the higher centres (Heart, throat, brow and crown) yield more opportunities for happiness. We can work our way through the chakra centres and achieve higher levels. When we can activate higher centres, the lower ones open beautifully and by themselves too.

This article is regarding these 7 energy centres, and the kinds of relationships that tend to emerge from these influences.

The Root Chakra Couple~

The root chakra is connected to our primal instincts. It is greatly influenced by our sexual energy. I call it our ‘survival instinct chakra’ – because it’s sexual energy motivates us to have children and continue our lineage and because it motivates us to stay alive, and can keep us away from physical danger. The root chakra is also connected with selfishness and ego – two factors that are of utmost important to those who are motivated to survive. We use our selfishness to protect our needs, and we use our ego to protect our emotions.

The goal of the root chakra couple:

Sex.
The root chakra couple are motivated by their enjoyment of each other.

Where does the couple meet?

They usually meet in night clubs, bars, parties, or other places of entertainment. Of course there are relationships under the influence of higher chakras that may also meet at these locations, merely by happenstance, but the key differentiation here is that, there couples tend to go to these places IN ORDER TO FIND their future husband/wife. The women are usually attracted to how attractive or cool the man looks.

An overview of their relationship:

Root chakra couples are ruled by the planet mars, and tend to have an intense honeymoon period, and aspects of this can feel a lot like love to them. Of course with time, the honey-moon period gradually fades, and then they are usually left with bitterness and disappointment. Aspects of the honeymoon period can feel a lot like love to them. The relationship tends to be very up and down, never quite finding the right balance. They experience dizzying highs and deep lows. Their relationship becomes riddled with contradictions like “I love you, I don’t love you anymore”, “Do this for me, and I will love you”, “I love you but I will also cheat on you”, “I love you, but might leave you”, “I am leaving you and you must come after me.” They become trapped within themselves. They either want to rush into marriage very quickly, or delay it completely and indefinitely. If they do get married, it’s usually because of a very strong emotional dependence on each other, and not love. They just want to be together.

The sacral chakra couple~

The Sacral chakra is the spiritual energy centre connected to happiness, confidence and resourcefulness. It is also linked to the negative shades of greed, fear and self preservation. A couple that makes a connection through their sacral chakra, create a love that is based on a mutual desire for comfort and wealth. This chakra is influenced by the planet Venus. When this couple come together they first harmonise on the sacral level, and over time the root chakra may open up as well. This will result in the pleasures and also challenges of The Root Chakra couple also coming to play in the dynamic of their relationship. Their Sacral couple’s mutual desire for wealth and comfort appears to be more stable than the Root Chakra couple, but the Sacral chakra is still considered one of the lower energy centres – and so, it will continue to bring more opportunities for unhappiness, than it does for happiness.

Of course, it is not wrong to desire a comfortable life, or to want to have a beautiful and cosy home. The troubles arise when the couples make attaining this material success the main goal of their relationship – and that’s what the sacral couple tend to do.

The goal of the sacral chakra couple:

To have a comfortable life. To own cosy house, beautiful furniture, flashy cars etc. To create their own cosy, comfortable and wealthy home together.

Where does this couple meet?

Expensive restaurants, beautiful resorts, elite dinner parties, work events.

The solar plexus couple~

The solar plexus is the power centre of our energy chakras located in our light body. The solar plexus is connected to our ambitions and goals. Material pleasures in life can be further divided into two forms: the heavy and the subtle. The heavy worldly material pleasures are things like beautiful things – houses, cars, objects. This is what the Sacral Chakra Couple aspires too. One step higher than this is the subtle form of worldly material pleasures – which is the search for fame, prestige, and power. This is what the Solar Plexus Couple aspires to. They want to get married for power and prestige. Many famous people have relationships based on the solar plexus centre. This centre is influenced by the sun, which has a masculine nature and encourages people under its influence to find their place in society.

In order to achieve harmony on this level, the couple has to work very hard on themselves in order to overcome their high expectations of the future. They must cultivate unselfishness and submissiveness in order to access the ability of changing their character. Without that, they will never be able to change who they are. When a person meets another with a similar desire, they create a family together. They work very hard together to attain their goals. If they remain focused, then eventually they will achieve the power and fame that they wished for. When they achieve this “honour” and prestige, the conflicts within their personal life will begin. The husband begins to feel more and more proud of what he has achieved in life. The wife, on the other hand, begins to feel more and more that without her – none of this would have even been possible in the first place. This begins to cause underlying resentment in the family.

The goal of the solar plexus couple:

Power, prestige and fame. To be respected in society.

Where does this couple meet:

Special invitation parties, elite societies and meetings, sports clubs, political events etc.

The solar plexus motivation:

People who want to create a family in order to achieve fame and prestige, usually exercise and practice their self control from a young age. They have a competitive nature. They may participate in sports or study how to concentrate better. They do what they can to be better than the ones around them. It comes very naturally to them. They naturally want to be leaders of their friends. They are interested in things like management, but they usually tend to be a little bit arrogant by nature and quickly categorise the people they meet in relation to them.

As you can see, people under the influence of the solar plexus do engage in self-development – but they focus on the darker aspect of it. In their search for fame and prestige, they lose the ability to cultivate humility. While they work on themselves to become superior to those around them, they simply learn how to control others and increase their pride. When a person becomes more and more powerful, their pride, intolerance, and anger also grow. So while they are engaging in some sort of self development through self control, they use it for lower level motivations.

The fate of the solar plexus couple:

The best thing for them to do as a couple would be to stop interfering in each other lives and instead focus on making themselves better people – but their ambitions and drive for success and perfection won’t let them do that. They look to their partners to help them achieve their fame and success, and when it doesn’t happen as seamlessly as they want, they turn their attention onto changing their partner. However, they won’t be able to do that either, and they will start getting frustrated. They can’t change people by simply preaching to someone all the time. They can’t change their partner by yelling at them. Nothing changes. So as time goes by, they begin to feel like they are just living with strangers. They start getting disappointed by everything. Only their mutual interest in maintaining outward appearances and their outward social status holds their relationship together.

The only way for the solar plexus couple to change their fate is by changing their beliefs about life – to understand that there are more important things to wish for than fame.

They must set their sights on spiritual goals rather than material goals – otherwise they will find that they will always be disappointed in their life.

The heart-centred couple~

The Heart Centred Couple is the first chakra under the higher level energy centres – and therefore, is the first chakra to yield a “favourable relationship”. Thus, this couple will have more opportunities for happiness than opportunities for unhappiness. They usually have lasting marriages. These favourable relationships give both people the chance to cleanse their consciousness, to work through their karma, and to fulfill their dharma.

This type of couple are very interested in working on their character and self development. They wish happiness to those around them. They tend to be involved in charity, volunteering and in someway assisting their community. They respect their elders and listen to their advice. They generally do not go through problems regarding understanding one another in their married life. Their problems generally arise through fate, and the obstacles that life brings their way. But they understand each other well and have a desire to make their partner happy. These marriages tend to be very stable, and the couple are blessed with lots of friends, and wealth comes easily and naturally to them – although they never feel the need to depend on that either. If they have given wealth, they use it for universal goodness and happiness. And if they are not given wealth, they do not curse the universe for it either.

The goal of the heart centred couple:

Following moral principles together and uphold values in their family that provide peace and happiness.

This is a love that is based on the desire to bring happiness and peace to others, including their partners.

Where did this couple meet:

Places where they are around people pursuing similar interests – for example yoga classes, meditation centres etc. They tend to meet at communities that are striving for happiness.

The heart centred couples motivation:

People guided by their heart centre feel inclined to fill their hearts with optimism and joy. They wish well-being and goodness to those around them, and are naturally involved in helping people of the community through community service. They feel a duty to volunteer. They are raised to be generous people. They understand the importance of honesty and are usually respected and liked by people.

They are interested in choosing a good partner for themselves, and take the time to learn about relationships and prepare themselves for their commitments. The heart chakra centre is under the influence of the moon, which brings peace. They do not want to bring harm to others, including to their partners. They want to make sure everything around them is in harmony and balance.

They are hard-working and responsible, and spend their free time on activities that enhance their character and make them into better people. Heart centred women are calm women. They dress modestly and have respect for all people around them, specially their elders.

The heart chakra couple tend to ask people for advice when choosing their husband/wife.

The children of heart-centred parents listen to them. They tend to ask their parents for advice about life. They are also willing to listen to them. This is not found easily on the lower centres, because the lower centres do not allow the parents to cultivate humility. Without cultivating humility a parent cannot make the child listen to them, or to be completely open and trusting to their suggestions and advices.

This is not to say that children will never listen to parents from lower chakra centre relationships. However, these children are more likely to follow their parents behaviours and learn from them and do as they do. They won’t care much to listen to what their parents have to say about it.  However, if you want to be able to influence your children with your words, then you must have harmony on a higher chakra level.

The challenges of the heart-centred couple:

The heart centred couple does not usually encounter big problems in understanding each other, because they both hold the principle belief that they should bring joy to their partner, and not pain. So they try to avoid causing hurt to each other. By doing this, they naturally focus on understanding each other better too. Their marriage is usually stable and strong and have many good friends. Friends of the family wish them well and wish them happiness.

Of course, they are not immune to challenges and will face problems in areas of life as most people do, but the key thing about the heart centred couple is that overcoming these struggles strengthens their relationships, deepens their love and thickens their respect for one another.

Their main challenge will come in simply deepening their understanding of life and spiritual practice and cultivating an even more serious attitude towards perfecting themselves.

Another key challenge for the heart centered couple is that by behaving the way they do, they tend to naturally attract material wealth quickly, which encourages them to relax. There is the danger of  arrogance and the increased desire to spend more money, which of course, leads to problems both inside and outside the relationship. They also begin to attract lots of friends and people who like to spend time with the couple. These friends spend a lot of time in the couples home because they have such a great energy there. The problem with this is that it encourages the couple to engage in idle talk, to discuss unimportant, unfavourable and unnecessary things all the time.

However, as time passes, as fate would have it, heart centred people generally tire of material wealth, get bored of it and naturally retreat away from it.

The throat chakra couple~

Those motivated by the throat chakra (the ruling planet – mercury) are inclined to perfect their senses. They want to tune in their senses into the ethereal world. They practice meditation to have a higher level of senses. So that they can hear, feel, see, know and understand their messages from the universe. They wish happiness to everyone they think about.

It is also important for throat centred couples to cultivate self control and honesty. They do not let their earthly emotions control their experience of life – instead they act from a higher place. By controlling their emotions and not acting on every egotistic and emotional impulse, they train themselves to access a greater and more profound understanding and connection with the truth. They act from here. They are very good at controlling their ego and their emotions. They do not waste time in unfavourable conversations, and they do not engage in self flattery or showing off. They are very humble people. They are determined in achieving their goal of refining their senses and controlling their emotions and ego. They like to spend time amongst highly spiritual thinkers and leaders. It is only at the throat level that a person can become a successful spiritual guru or leader to others. This is because – it is only at this level that a person has successfully purified their consciousness to an extent that they would not be passing on their own bad karma to their students. At this level, they would be practicing what they preach all the time. At this level they would begin to experience true psychic knowledge.

The throat chakra couple are a rare couple to come across. They tend to be very talented people. They tend to “feel” the world with their senses rather than live through it. Because of this deeply intuitive approach to the world, they live in deep harmony with their world. They tend to be naturally poetic with their words. They understand the power of sound and the power of words, so they choose them carefully and beautifully. Because they develop their senses so much, and try to tune it into the subtle nature of the universe and it’s energetic voice, they also simultaneously develop their taste in the arts. They have a well refined musical, artistic and poetic taste. They are able to perceive beauty and delicacy in everyday things. They know what matter that is perceived by their senses is good for their soul. These people tend to have a very mystical and magical marriage together. They understand each other deeply and completely. They can always relate to each other and feel deep empathy towards one another. They feel each other, even from far away distances. They communicate with their thoughts and feelings rather than words; if one thinks of something, the other one has a sense of it already. Their marriage will last many lives, and they have certainly been together in previous lives too. They both have very good karma that they will work through together. Often their connection is so strong that they will always find each other in whichever life they are in. Sometimes they can even find each other at very big distances apart. Sometimes a man will move to another country just to pick up his soulmate. They know from the first glance of each other that they were meant to be together and to find happiness together.

The throat centred couple are able to give birth to very talented children. Their children will also practice self realisation, self development and self perfection.

The third-eye chakra couple~

Those under the influence of their third-eye or brow chakra, are ruled by the planet Saturn. These are people who have been practicing self realisation for many lives. The couple come together to practice self perfection together. They have a very deep psychic harmony that allows them to completely give their lives to each other. They are committed to studying the highest truth of the universe. They want to experience God. This relationship is very rare. These people are usually spiritual teachers. They live simply for other people and not for themselves. When a couple has harmony on this level they only want to make other people happy. Sometimes this couple abstain from sexual relations with each other. They simply live together to help each other on their spiritual path.

The crown chakra couple~

Those activated at the crown chakra, ruled by the planet Jupiter, create an unearthly and mystical love. They abstain completely from sex. The woman thinks of her husband as her teacher, her guru, and she trusts him completely. She is always loyal to him. Her husband behaves as a saint would. After they die, they go into the spiritual world, where they can be together forever. They have completed their work.

This is a very high level type of love.~

 

art: Alex Grey

 

article from: http://www.the-open-mind.com/the-7-types-of-relationships-the-influence-of-the-chakras-1/

Opening to Love~

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My dear proud brother,
I know why you’ve always struggled to truly, fully love every woman you’ve ever wanted to truly, fully love.
I know why every romance you’ve ever indulged in for more than a sweet, fleeting moment soon threatened to overwhelm you.

I know why you still sometimes feel the urge to run from the burdens of relationship toward the promise of freedom in quiet, faraway hills where no woman will ever find you—and why you may be tempted to stay there forever.

I also know why you always return to her…and why you always will.
Because you’re not just merely a man; you’re a goddamn warrior for Love.
Deep in the marrow of your masculine core, you know you didn’t come here to play safe and pass time, simply scoring goals and notches on your bed post, or making money and fragile monuments to your pride.

Hell, no.

You came here to throw down with life, to get bloody and muddy earth all over your soul, as you charge gallantly each day beyond the edges of your hard-earned comfort zone.

You are wise, ancient stardust sculpted into mighty earth come alive. You are a volcano with a hot molten heart at your core, risen to offer your authentic love even in the face of forces that would overwhelm lesser men.
I know what’s been asked of you in this lifetime isn’t easy.

But if you’re ready to claim your birth-right as a King amongst Kings, a heart-centred warrior-protector of the planet and all things true and good and beautiful, then it’s time you learn how to love a wild woman in her deliciously untameable fullness.

And you are ready to love all of her, because you’re a goddamn warrior.
I know your fathers and brothers and schoolyard playmates warned you to be wary of her. Through stern faces masking an ignorance they dare not confess, they insisted that the emotions and tears and unpredictable extremes of a feminine heart have no place in the productive, rational world of a “real man.”

Either flee or subdue the unpredictable heart of any woman in your midst, they cautioned, lest her raw power snap all your straight lines, ruin your portfolio and mercilessly break your fragile grip on sanity.

But you don’t buy that bullshit anymore.

Oh, I know you still tremble at the thought of her fiery Kali spirit unleashed like a hurricane in your world. You’ve been gutted and wrecked countless times by awful perversions of love. Too many women in their own fear and immaturity have assigned you the Mission Impossible task of making them happy and then tried to hang you when you failed.

Your psyche has been so badly burnt you can barely imagine anymore the woman who would inspire your devotion.

Fortunately, my good man, all that agony was just warrior boot camp.
Every chaotic, heart-wrenching love affair only served to bleed out the immature and wounded parts of you that would otherwise overthrow your Kingly heart.

You didn’t know it, but life has been preparing you for what’s about to happen: your unconditional surrender to a dazzling love that will sweep through you like a wildfire at dawn.

When she arrives, this love will finally teach you how to breathe through your heart down your spine and into your balls so you can stand full and courageous before the fire-breathing dragons life will never stop sending at you.

Naturally, your woman will train you with your own dragons, the ones still lurking in your shadows. She will know exactly where to find them and which spells turn them against you. She’ll delight in casting those spells, too, but only because she revels in watching you, with hungry, primal eyes, claim your mastery.

For that’s her greatest gift to you: mastery in devotion to love.
She will send those dragons after you whenever she doubts your commitment—not your commitment to her little tyrant ego’s selfish demands. No, she’s done her deep inner work enough to know we didn’t come to serve that scavenger dog.

It’s your commitment to love’s will that she wants to trust deeply. That’s the only way she’ll know you won’t abandon her and run for the hills when her own dragons get loose and try to set your hair on fire.

Oh, it’s gonna be spectacular, my brother!

For this journey of devotion is your awakening to the massive truth of who you already are: love, itself!

So give up once and for all using women’s healing energy to fill the goddess-size hole that ages of patriarchy ripped out of your heart.

Stop trying to shrink women into cute, manageable little pets who ask so little of you, and who you can easily love and accept. That just turns them into not enough for your daring soul, anyway.

You don’t need some passive sex-toy with an off-switch that you keep in the closet. You need a spirited sorceress singing shaman songs beside you as you sharpen your sword for battle, because you’re a goddamn warrior, after all.

You’re ready for the sacred quest to love all of her.

She will serve you well on this journey, for this one likes to run with the wild things. She will shine like bright starlight in your eyes and dance like fire to light your way home to your true self.

But it’s only her courage to offer you the fullness of her feminine soul, from her rage to her radiance, that will truly help you navigate deeper into the mystical realms of devotion. No timid woman will ever do for a true warrior.

Your muse is looking for you, my brother, and she’ll probably show up all smiley and sweet-scented. But make no mistake: she will be the best teacher of unconditional love you have ever known.

I suggest you leave your armour behind for this quest. Protecting yourself will only keep away what you most deeply desire, anyway.

Learning to love all of her will require you leave everything behind, actually, except your own authentic heart.

For she’s aching for nothing less than your true authentic heart to step up and boldly claim the untold treasures buried deep within her own.~

~ Bryan Reeves

http://www.facebook.com/bryanreevesofficial

Depth~

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“If you fall with a man who is afraid of going into depth, then really you are afraid of going into depth – that’s why you have chosen the man.

We always choose the person according to our innermost characteristics.

We always fall in love with a person because our mind only allows that.
I have heard about a man who divorced eight times, and again and again was surprised that he always found the same type of woman. And eight times he tried – he tried hard! What more can you do? After each one or two years, he divorced the woman, started looking, and was very alert that he should never fall in the same trap, but again, after six months, eight months, he would find a woman…. For a few days things would go okay… and then the same rut, and he would see that he had again found the same type of woman.

After eight marriages he became aware of the fact that “The real problem is with my type. Only THESE women appeal to me, and unless I change my type, just changing the woman is not going to help.”

You have a certain type of mind; for that mind a certain type of man or woman looks appealing. And you will find him or her again and again – unless you change.

Why did you choose this man? You can choose the dangerous kind – if you want to go really deep.

And EVERYBODY IS afraid of going deep – because in depth is death, because every depth relaxes you so much that it looks like death. Every depth takes you out of the ego. That’s why people are afraid of love. They hanker for relationship, but they are afraid of love.

And a love which is open-ended creates more fear – because one never knows where it is going to land you. To remain open-ended, to remain in love without creating a relationship, takes real courage. And if you have that courage, love will come in a thousand and one ways, will sing a thousand and one songs in your heart, will dance in a thousand and one ways in your being.”

~ Osho – Book: Walk Without Feet Fly Without Wings and Think Without Mind

art: Richard MacDonald

Dear Woman~

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“Dear Woman:

I come to you today as a man committed to becoming more conscious in every way. I feel deep love, great respect and a growing sense of worship for the gifts of the feminine. I also feel deep sorrow about the destructive actions of the unconscious masculine in the past and present. I want to apologise to you and make amends for those actions, in order to bring forth a new era of co-creation with you.

As I become more conscious, I grow more aware of the play of masculine and feminine energies: within me, within you and in all of life. I know that we all have access to the full spectrum of these energies. I also have a growing awakening to the dimension beyond all dualities, free and open as the sky.

I commit to owning and stewarding a masculinity that honours and celebrates us as equals. I know that in order to truly honor you as a multi-dimensional woman, I must stand fully present in myself, and own the gifts I have to share with you. We can create great miracles together by nurturing each other in a conscious way, by treating each other with reverence and respect, and by worshiping the divinity expressed in both masculine and feminine energy.

As men, our relationship to the feminine has often been unconscious. I feel sorrow that women and feminine energy have been for so long subjugated and oppressed. Throughout history, men have raped and abused you, burned you at the stake, bought and sold your bodies for sexual pleasure, barred you from religious and political office, relegated you to subservient chores, forced you to hide your faces and even cut off your organs of sexual pleasure.

I may not have done these things myself, but I am aware of the forces in the unconscious masculine psyche that feel threatened by and then seek to dominate the feminine. Many of the men who have oppressed or abused you are no longer alive. Among the living, many men may be unable to apologise because they remain shackled in a prison of anger, fear and shame. On behalf of my gender, I apologize to you for our unconscious actions when we were angry, scared and in the grip of destructive forces in our psyche. I choose no longer to contribute to those forces, nor to be run by them in my own life. I offer you this apology in hopes that we can make a fresh start in a spirit of co-creation.

I acknowledge that the religions of the past several thousand years have been mainly founded by and propagated by men. We have often acted as if we have the last word on God and the spiritual life, when all we have really known is the masculine expression of those things. As a result, we have suppressed more heartfelt, connective and inclusive spiritualities. I commit now to also honoring the spirituality of the divine feminine.

I honour your deep connection to the earth. As men, our relationship to our planet and its resources has often been motivated by competition, acquisition and domination. We mistakenly believed that expansion would protect us from encroachment, and in the process we violated the sanctity of the Earth and disturbed its natural rhythms. I commit to listening to the intuitive sense you have of how to heal our planet and make it thrive.

I honour your intuition and your profound capacity for feeling. As men, we have often devalued feeling and intuition in favor of a view dominated by data and logic. This way of being seemed necessary to move humanity beyond superstition and animalism, but in the process we lost much of the heart of life. I commit to respecting the arts of feeling, intuition and wisdom of the feminine heart, so that together we can integrate them into a balanced view of life, that honors and includes all wisdoms.

I honour the beauty and integrity of your body. When we nurture each other through our bodies with awareness and devotion, there are no boundaries to the love that we can generate. I feel sorrow that men have used your beauty as a form of commerce in prostitution and pornography. In the grip of lust we have often lacked the skills to ask gracefully for intimacy or to take ‘No’ for an answer. I take a stand against any form of enforced or soulless commercialization of woman’s beauty, and I respect that your body belongs to you.

I honour your capacity for peaceful resolution of conflicts, your ability to apologize effectively and forgive with grace. We men have waged endless wars over our disagreements. In the act of defending our lands and protecting our families, we became addicted to the fight itself. By contrast, it is rare to find an invasion or war instigated by a woman. I apologize for dragging you into these wars, and for the rape, murder, broken hearts and damaged families that resulted from them. We welcome your wisdom in creating a world that can get along without resorting to destruction.

I honour your capacity to listen to your body and its needs for food, rest and playtime. I celebrate your ability to pay attention to what is here, right now. As men, our preoccupation with goals and results often has burnt us out and made us unavailable for relationship. I know we have drawn you into this imbalance as well, so often frustrating your longing to connect. The time for a process-centred way of being is now upon us. I welcome your wisdom to maintain balance in our bodies, and in our ways of meeting.

I honour your sense of compassionate justice. In our justice system, men have dominated as judges and police, build prisons and revered the principle of punishment. I welcome you to work with us in bringing the return of the heart to our system of justice.

I also know that global economics have been dominated by the unconscious masculine, often living in a sense of lack and greed. As a result, many people have been left impoverished and disempowered. With your natural sense of nurturing and abundance, I know we can work together to create a truly caring global economics.

In apologising to you for the hurts we men have caused you, I acknowledge that I and many of my brothers have also felt hurt by our mothers, our sisters, our partners and ex-partners. As a conscious man I am willing to feel those hurts fully within myself and release them. I forgive you for any ways you may have acted unconsciously, as I forgive myself and my gender for our own waking sleep.

From this day, moving forward, I vow to treat your heart as the sacred temple it is, and I commit to honoring the feminine in you and me and in my relationship to all life. I know that by leaving the past behind and joining hands in the present, we can create a synergy of our strengths. Together, there is nothing we cannot do.

Together, we can make miracles.”
~Based on the “Manifesto for Conscious Men,” a collectively-written document from a number of men who feel deep appreciation for the gifts of the feminine as a balance to those of the masculine.

Freedom in Relationship~

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Every couple should set each other free.~
Which just means … tell the truth about what’s really going on.

Share what’s working and what’s not, and without obligating your partner to do anything about it.

Obligation is bondage. Obligation is why relationships stagnate, or worse: causes them to implode in a fiery fight of chaos and vitriol. Ensuring an ill-fitting obligation gets met often requires some measure of force, whether passive aggression or outright violence.

Telling our personal truth instead sets everyone free.

It sets us both free to stay if we’re genuinely called to stay, and it gives us the freedom to leave if our deepest truth is to dance elsewhere.

I’m not suggesting couples shouldn’t hunker down and do the work it takes to create a genuinely thriving intimate relationship.

I’m only suggesting that we let our partners off the hook.

Perhaps the most destructive element in a relationship is the expectation that my partner will behave different than she genuinely wants to.

In the past, when my relationships were struggling to fly, it’s almost certainly because expectations were weighing down the vessel. Either mine or hers, and usually both.

It’s perfectly appropriate – healthy, even – to make requests for what we want.
But it’s futile to obligate our partners to do what they do not authentically want to do: touch us more, touch us less, do things different, see things different, think differently, want different things than they actually want, eat differently, spend their free time differently.

I get it, though. We’re scared we won’t get our needs met, so we obligate the other person to show up and make it happen. In the process, we enslave a good person. Everyone loses, even when you get what you want.

The best gift I can ever give a partner is my happiness that doesn’t depend on her behaviour.

When I make my partner responsible for my happiness, I’m saddling her with an obligation to be a certain way for my well-being.

I’ve never met a woman who seemed to enjoy wearing a saddle. I sure don’t want to wear one. Even horses don’t like wearing a saddle until they’ve been “broken.”

I don’t want a broken woman.

Consider how deeply your partner can relax – and thus offer you their authentic love – when they know they don’t have to pretend or force themselves to be a certain way just to please you.~

~Bryan Reeves
http://bit.ly/relationship-magic

 

Touch Me~

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The Lover asked: How would you like me to touch you?

The Lover answered:
I would like you to touch me as if you were going away tomorrow,
far far away, and you wanted to remember the feel of my body,
the texture of my skin, the hills and valleys that make up the landscape
of who I am…

I would like you to touch me as if you were blind, knowing that you love me, but unable to see me.

Touch my face, my breasts, my belly, my toes… learn what I “look” like, imagine me in your mind as your hands explore my shape.

I would like you to touch me as if your hands were healing hands, radiating love energy with every stroke. Feel the energy penetrating through skin, through flesh, entering into the cells of my body.

I would like you to touch me as if you gained your nourishment through your hands. Feed on me, drink deeply and draw from your touch the love that I hold for you.

I would like you to touch me as if you were feeding me through your hands, as if by your touch I am nourished and sustained. Every inch of me cries out for your touch, yearns to be fed.

I would like you to touch me as if your hand were a feather, lightly caressing the edge of my being.

I would like you to touch me as if your hands were paintbrushes, and as you caress me, you are coloring me in brilliant, sparkling, dazzling hues.

I would like you to touch me as if you were erasing the outer me, allowing me to reveal my inner self to you.

I would like you to touch me as if you had carved a sculpture, and were now feeling its finish, smoothing out any rough areas, enjoying the finished product.

I would like you to touch me as if your hands were fire, burning away the dross and leaving only the pure gold of my soul.

I would like you to touch me as if your hands were sponges, soaking up the essence of my being.

I would like you to caress me as if I were made of dry clay, and by dampening my skin you enliven my spirit.

I would like you to touch me as if my skin were soft velvet.

I would like you to touch me as if you were a musician, and your touch brought forth different sounds from different parts of me.

I would like you to touch me as if I were a rare jewel, precious and valuable.

I would like you to touch me as if I were your Lover.~

~Diana Daffner

http://www.intimacyretreats.com/writings.htm#touchpoem

If It Hurts, It Isn’t Love~

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“If it hurts, it isn’t love.”

This is a saying that I have stoically avoided and a way of thinking that I have ran from.

This is because there have been parts of my love life that were excruciatingly painful and if I took the above saying on face value it would mean that I didn’t love my partner.

With me being the old romantic I am, I would quite quickly deduce that to mean I should not be with her. This would be in stark contrast to my feelings of devotion to her, my idea of our future together and my unasked for feelings towards her.

But recently the true meaning behind the statement, “If it hurts, it isn’t love” hit me. It’s not love that hurts. Love in and of itself does not hurt. It can’t. It’s something else that hurts.

But more importantly, just because there is an aspect of a relationship that hurts, does not mean the relationship is not based on love. There is something else going on that is causing the pain. This is really important.

Think of a river. Clear water bringing life to everything in its path. The river is not harmful. Nor does it cause pain or damage. But if a dead tree were to fall in to the river and be carried along it, the tree would cause immense damage to anything in its path.

The river still carries the innocent intention of simply being what it is, but the tree within the river causes hurt. So the tree is what hurts, not the river. And yet the tree and the river both exist. Both are true and both are real. The existence of one does not invalidate the other. Neither does the presence of the tree deny the fact that the river exists.

It is in the same light that I view relationship woes. I can love my partner. And it can be as unquestionable and as real as it gets. However, I may also have a huge dead tree floating along at the same time, which causes immense pain. It is my tree, probably put there by me and is absolutely my responsibility to remove. But it still exists. Right along side the love I can feel. Both are present. My irrational thought patterns do not mean that my love does not exist. My love exists and is strong. Of this I am certain.

It is not love that hurts. Love cannot ever cause pain. That there is pain does not mean that there is not love. It’s just not love that is causing the pain.

~Andy Charrington

art: Autumn Skye Morrison

Listen to Your Heart~

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Listen with your heart~

Infatuation is easy, intimacy is hard. In the middle of a disagreement, so many people wait for their turn to speak, instead of really listening to their partner. Years of history can bubble to the surface in an instant.

The need to be right can be deafening and blinding, and sometimes people dig their heels in so deeply there’s no hope for honest communication. As if it’s a fight, and their partner is their opponent, and the object is to win.

But a relationship is not a game, and there are no winners when you and the person you love are in pain. You protect your ego, or you protect the relationship. If you want to truly love, that requires your vulnerability, and it takes guts to be naked like that.

So many people confuse love with control and manipulation. But love is about acceptance and a celebration. That doesn’t mean there won’t be things to work on, because of course there will. It just means that you see people as they are, and you accept them and celebrate them, while also loving yourself.

If you keep nurturing a real connection, doing those things simultaneously, that is, loving your partner and also making sure you’re honouring yourself will be natural.

There’s so much beauty in true partnership, but it takes effort. For whatever reason, that part doesn’t get covered in the fairy tales or the romantic comedies.~

~Ally Hamilton

Excerpt from: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-11265/the-3-biggest-downfalls-of-romantic-relationships-how-to-avoid-them.html

 

 

Revisiting Old Flames~

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Is it wise to revisit old flames from the past?

There is a practice out in the world that many of us consciously or sub-consciously do, and that is re-dating or reconnecting with old flames.

So what is re-dating/reconnecting? Re-dating or reconnecting is revisiting or “dating” someone you have been in a past relationship with. I’ve heard from many people that once a relationship is over, it is best to move forward and never look back. However, who can honestly predict their own future? Who can honestly predict what road they will wind up down in the future? Or situations that may present themselves to us?

Why do so many of us close the door on old flames from the past and lock the doors? Why do we do this when we have so much more to share and learn from them.

I’ve also heard to this phenomena referred to as the “saved by the bell” syndrome. Zack chases Kelly, Zack gets Kelly, then they break up only to date again…and then inevitably beak up again. Then, their paths even cross in college and they date! (Spoiler: they get married too.)

First, let me state that I am a firm believer in re-dating/reconnecting.

I feel by the responses of my friends and reactions from others that this is not a popular notion. So why do I so firmly stand behind this notion? It’s simple. When you reconnect with someone from your past, you already have that basis of chemistry, which, in random encounters with new people is much more difficult to find or navigate through.

You tend to open up more quickly and more deeply, and there is already some semblance of a foundation of trust. (Assuming the initial break up or drifting apart had nothing to do with trust issues.) There is a season and a reason for everything. Fire burns for a reason. It may be tempered but it never fully goes out.

Recently, I reconnected with an old flame as she was searching on social media for people to help her move. I had not spoken to her in a few years, and I decided “what the hell, I’m not busy that particular day and it would be interesting to catch up with her afterwards for a bit.” This eventually lead to one of the most amazing eight months of my life.

When we first met, we were in high school, we dated off and on for about a year and after high school our paths would occasionally cross randomly for short periods of time but we never got serious. We both are “wandering souls.” She is one of a few that I have had similar experiences with. We would randomly pop up in each other’s lives for obscure reasons, and connect for a bit, share for a bit, be intimate for a bit, and then move back on.

However, this one in particular most recently touched my soul deeper than any human had ever touched my soul in the 34 years I have been on this earth.

We talked every day. For hours on hours. Learning new aspects of our lives, sharing experiences we have been through over the time that lapsed since we last connected. We travelled together, she took me out of the country for the first time to a beautiful island in Mexico, Isla Mujeres, and I got my first passport stamp!

She taught me how to experience life through her eyes. Her eyes are beautiful. Her eyes are beautiful not just because of their appearance, because of what she sees. She preaches self-improvement, she pushes people to be honourable, to never settle and find meaning in your life. To live extreme, or “intensely” as she puts it. To learn something new each day, to let go of mistakes made when the day is done, to happy, but to be helpful, honest, loyal…in a nutshell, to be virtuous. To live a full filling life by finding happiness and by finding your true place in this world.

I’ve known this old flame for almost 20 years, and in all that time, I overlooked many of her views her views. Or she simply had not the life experience during those previous encounters to pass on her lessons to me. Luckily, I caught them this time around.

I helped her learn how to let her guard down and be soft and sexy again. I helped her rediscover the joys of physical intimacy that she felt she lost over a brief period of time. I helped her rediscover the trust that can be found in companionship and that its ok to let someone else take the wheel for a while. I helped her feel more comfortable taking risks and going with the flow and putting herself out there. I helped push her to be authentic and to loosen the anchors in life that tie us down.

We helped each other when we both needed help. Our souls found each other again and had so much more to offer and share with each other this time around. It’s was the right season and the right reason.

We taught each other a lot of new things from the experiences we gained by our interactions with others and the lives we led in between our paths crossing again. Our flame never extinguished, it just diminished until our paths crossed again this particular time.

These are all new things to me. Had I not said “yes” to helping her move, had I not said “yes” to the idea of reconnecting with this particular old flame, I would have missed out on so many amazing life lessons and life experiences. My soul would never have been touched so softly and intimately. I would have missed out on an amazing, in fact, one of the best emotional, physical and spiritual connection that has been right in front of me this whole time. I can’t speak for her but I know she is happy and knows what she is searching for now, she is in the process of her own new discoveries and experiences.

As with most things in life, our time together had to end. We are souls that wander from place to place, person to person. Our time for this crossing had come to a close.

I am eager to find someone new or to reconnect with someone else from my past and pay it forward to someone else in the same fashion I’m sure my most recent fling’s experiences led her to pay if forward to me. Perhaps our paths will cross again someday and we both will have new lessons to teach each other, and new experiences that we have picked up along our journey to share with each other. Or perhaps we will help each other rediscover the lessons we passed on from our most recent encounter.

Perhaps we are meant to be reminders of the lessons constantly teach each other. Our fire is never meant to extinguish, but to dampen from time to time, only to be reignited when our paths cross again.

I encourage people to keep all doors open. Never close a door for good. There is always some lesson in life to be learned. It may be a harsh truth, a beautiful reality, an experience or even a brutal heart breaking occurrence, but the point is that that is how we learn, that is how we grow, and what better way to learn and to grow than to keep the door open to those who know us best in the first place.

Those who know our strengths and weaknesses and who are in the best position to help us grow. We all must grow on our own, but reconnecting with old flames always carries a learning experience. It could also lead to an amazing experience, one that will catch you off guard and eager to continue on your path or find a new people or other old flames and pay the lessons you just learned forward.

Or maybe your new “reconnection” will be fate and a sign that you were always meant to be together but needed time to grow individually away from each other before that deeper level of connection can be made. I will always keep my door open to those who have shared intimate time with me. There are so many lessons to learn and so many lessons to pass on and I want to give, not deprive myself to any person who has or will cross my path.

I sometimes find myself searching so vigorously for connections in new people that I often forget or overlook that the fiercest fire, the hottest flame has already crossed my path. So often we dodge our old flames and avoid them when we should be open to communication and the possibility of reigniting that old flame, that old passion. There is a season and a reason for everything, and this includes those old flames from our past.

You never know what you might be missing out on by passing up an old flame. They certainly will be a new person with new experiences and lessons to share just as you are a new person with new experience and lessons to share.

I have reconnected with other old flames previously to my most recent experience and some were good, some were bad. Some reminded me how much I enjoyed their company, some reminded me why we diminished our flame in the first place. However, in all the previous encounters, we both learned something new from the other and about the other. Life is all about learning and growing and finding the best people and best ways to connect with people.

Never pour water on a fire that you have started with someone else. Never close the door.

It’s natural to move on and find new connections and share new experiences with new people but remember the lessons learned from your old flames. Keep your fires burning, your souls searching and you may just find that what you’ve been looking and yearning for has been right in front of you this whole time. Or you may learn a lesson from that old flame that helps you connect even more deeply with a new person.~~

~ Adam Wilkinson
http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/07/the-value-in-re-dating-an-ex/


art: Franz von Stuck

Make Love to Me~

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I don’t want to tell you
how to love me.
I only want to breathe softly as you trek across my body
like a nomad wanders the desert
in search of water.
Dip into my dark crevasses
like you have found oasis.
Drink hungrily from me, satisfy your thirst
as though you have been parched for 100 years.

I don’t want you to tell me
how to love you.
I only want to map your body
like a cartographer of ancient times
tracing my fingers along this valley,
that continent, mapping on your skin
this warm sea
that tropical paradise.

I want to draw the lines of the equator on your body
and cross it with my gentle mouth.
I don’t want to light candles
or turn on music.
I only want our soft sighs
to fill the air, our breath a union,
and the gently whirring fan a background
to our travels.

This is just one more way
to worship the Earth.~

~Keeley Milne

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/07/make-love-to-me-across-the-earth-adult-poem/