Freedom in Relationship~

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Every couple should set each other free.~
Which just means … tell the truth about what’s really going on.

Share what’s working and what’s not, and without obligating your partner to do anything about it.

Obligation is bondage. Obligation is why relationships stagnate, or worse: causes them to implode in a fiery fight of chaos and vitriol. Ensuring an ill-fitting obligation gets met often requires some measure of force, whether passive aggression or outright violence.

Telling our personal truth instead sets everyone free.

It sets us both free to stay if we’re genuinely called to stay, and it gives us the freedom to leave if our deepest truth is to dance elsewhere.

I’m not suggesting couples shouldn’t hunker down and do the work it takes to create a genuinely thriving intimate relationship.

I’m only suggesting that we let our partners off the hook.

Perhaps the most destructive element in a relationship is the expectation that my partner will behave different than she genuinely wants to.

In the past, when my relationships were struggling to fly, it’s almost certainly because expectations were weighing down the vessel. Either mine or hers, and usually both.

It’s perfectly appropriate – healthy, even – to make requests for what we want.
But it’s futile to obligate our partners to do what they do not authentically want to do: touch us more, touch us less, do things different, see things different, think differently, want different things than they actually want, eat differently, spend their free time differently.

I get it, though. We’re scared we won’t get our needs met, so we obligate the other person to show up and make it happen. In the process, we enslave a good person. Everyone loses, even when you get what you want.

The best gift I can ever give a partner is my happiness that doesn’t depend on her behaviour.

When I make my partner responsible for my happiness, I’m saddling her with an obligation to be a certain way for my well-being.

I’ve never met a woman who seemed to enjoy wearing a saddle. I sure don’t want to wear one. Even horses don’t like wearing a saddle until they’ve been “broken.”

I don’t want a broken woman.

Consider how deeply your partner can relax – and thus offer you their authentic love – when they know they don’t have to pretend or force themselves to be a certain way just to please you.~

~Bryan Reeves
http://bit.ly/relationship-magic

 

Listen to Your Heart~

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Listen with your heart~

Infatuation is easy, intimacy is hard. In the middle of a disagreement, so many people wait for their turn to speak, instead of really listening to their partner. Years of history can bubble to the surface in an instant.

The need to be right can be deafening and blinding, and sometimes people dig their heels in so deeply there’s no hope for honest communication. As if it’s a fight, and their partner is their opponent, and the object is to win.

But a relationship is not a game, and there are no winners when you and the person you love are in pain. You protect your ego, or you protect the relationship. If you want to truly love, that requires your vulnerability, and it takes guts to be naked like that.

So many people confuse love with control and manipulation. But love is about acceptance and a celebration. That doesn’t mean there won’t be things to work on, because of course there will. It just means that you see people as they are, and you accept them and celebrate them, while also loving yourself.

If you keep nurturing a real connection, doing those things simultaneously, that is, loving your partner and also making sure you’re honouring yourself will be natural.

There’s so much beauty in true partnership, but it takes effort. For whatever reason, that part doesn’t get covered in the fairy tales or the romantic comedies.~

~Ally Hamilton

Excerpt from: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-11265/the-3-biggest-downfalls-of-romantic-relationships-how-to-avoid-them.html

 

 

The Empowered Woman~

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What does the empowered woman feel like? I know we have used this word empowered quite a bit over the past few years. But for me this word conveys an energy that I like. To feel empowered is for me to feel powerful from within. It truly describes the feminine way of power.

Our essential feminine power comes from our core, our sexual centre, our yoni. For men it resides in the hara or dantien, the solar plexis. You see the most potent force that women have is our shakti. Our primal life force, sexual creative energy. This force resides in all of us, but for women it is what in many ways defines us.

It is this primal energy from our sex centre, the second chakra, (that point just above the pelvic bone) that enables us to create life, to be wild and free as well as docile, harmonious and calm. Our sexual energy is our true feminine power as it is here that the creation of life begins and the mystery of our body is held.

Our sexual energy entices, allures, fascinates, radiates and attracts both men and women. When a woman is fully embodying her sexual essence, she is her most empowered self. She walks with the grace of one who is confident, centred, serene, present, sensual and fully in her body. She is not afraid of her sexual energy or of the power this energy has over other people. She understands her power and is able to use it wisely, with compassion and integrity.

Since she no longer needs to manipulate or control with her sexual energy or survive on it, she can be authentically herself, her full embodied goddess self. She is proud of her womanliness, her yoni her breasts her hips her belly and all of her curves. She revels in her body and loves all of it no matter what shape it is.

It is from this place that she creates and offers her gifts, and it is from this place that she partners with man. A woman who is fully living in her feminine power is naturally radiant, receptive, yet strong from within herself. This woman lives in you and me and I invite you to discover her.

~ Luminessa Enjara

http://www.examiner.com/article/the-true-power-of-a-woman

art: Jarah Leopard

Sexual Energy is the Energy of Life~

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Freely Express your Sensual and Sexual Self

Your sexual energy is the energy of life. You are a sexual being created from sexual energy. If you are not comfortable experiencing pleasurable sexual sensations, you are strangling your energy channels. That is why your desires have difficulty manifesting. The more you experience those exotic erotic feelings within you, the more your body’s energy will open up and allow you to naturally experience higher levels of health, creativity, productivity, freedom, abundance, happiness and enjoyment in life.

Allow yourself to experience yourself as an alive sensual and sexual being all day long. Let the sensual and sexual energy flow throughout your entire body. By letting yourself explore these sensual and sexual feelings anytime they arise, in any circumstance of situation, you gain the ultimate sense of freedom. Sexual freedom is a state of permission, which has been insanely suppressed all around the world. When you are sensually alive, there is an enjoyable exploration of your entire body.

Sexual freedom is what we all want, every person wants to be sexually liberated. It is to be the sensual and sexual being that you are. It is to look into members of the opposite sex with the message that you could greatly please them sexually, to show them that you could cause them to have great feelings of enjoyment, excitement and satisfaction. When others can feel there’s so much to gain by being with you through the sensual and fun loving nature you project, they will be irresistibly drawn to you.

~ Enoch Tan

To Love a Man ~

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To Love a Man ~

“If you want to change the world love a man; really love him
Choose the one whose soul calls to yours clearly who sees you; who is brave enough to be afraid
Accept his hand and guide him gently to your hearts blood
Where he can feel your warmth upon him and rest there
Look into his eyes look deep within and see what lies dormant or awake or shy or expectant there
Look into his eyes and see there his fathers and grandfathers and all the wars and madness their spirits fought in some distant land, some distant time
Look upon their pains and struggles and torments and guilt; without judgment
And let it all go
Feel into his ancestral burden
And know that what he seeks is safe refuge in you
Let him melt in your steady gaze
And know that you need not mirror that rage
Because you have a womb, a sweet, deep gateway to wash and renew old wounds

If you want to change the world love a man, really love him
Sit before him, in the full majesty of your woman in the breath of your vulnerability
In the play of your child innocence in the depths of your death
Flowering invitation, softly yielding, allowing his power as a man
To step forward towards you…and swim in the Earth’s womb, in silent knowing, together
And when he retreats…because he will…flees in fear to his cave…
Gather your grandmothers around you…envelope in their wisdoms
Hear their gentle shusshhhed whispers, calm your frightened girls’ heart
Urging you to be still…and wait patiently for his return
Sit and sing by his door, a song of remembrance, that he may be soothed, once more

If you want to change the world, love a man, really love him
Do not coax out his little boy
With guiles and wiles and seduction and trickery
Only to lure him…to a web of destruction
To a place of chaos and hatred
More terrible than any war fought by his brothers
This is not feminine this is revenge
This is the poison of the twisted lines
Of the abuse of the ages, the rape of our world
And this gives no power to woman it reduces her as she cuts off his balls
And it kills us all
And whether his mother held him or could not
Show him the true mother now
Hold him and guide him in your grace and your depth
Smouldering in the centre of the Earth’s core
Do not punish him for his wounds that you think don’t meet your needs or criteria
Cry for him sweet rivers
Bleed it all back home

If you want to change the world love a man, really love him
Love him enough to be naked and free
Love him enough to open your body and soul to the cycle of birth and of death
And thank him for the opportunity
As you dance together through the raging winds and silent woods
Be brave enough to be fragile and let him drink in the soft, heady petals of your being
Let him know he can hold you stand up and protect you
Fall back into his arms and trust him to catch you
Even if you’ve been dropped a thousand times before
Teach him how to surrender by surrendering yourself
And merge into the sweet nothing, of this worlds’ heart

If you want to change the world, love a man, really love him
Encourage him, feed him, allow him, hear him, hold him, heal him
And you, in turn, will be nourished and supported and protected
By strong arms and clear thoughts and focused arrows
Because he can, if you let him, be all that you dream

If you want to love a man, love yourself, love your father
Love your brother, your son, your ex-partner; from the first boy you kissed,
To the last one you wept over
Give thanks for the gifts; of your unravelling to this meeting
Of the one who stands before you now
And find in him the seed to all that’s new and solar
A seed that you can feed to help direct the planting
To grow a new world, together.”~

~Lauren Wilce

 

This Time I Want it All~

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“It isn’t about diamonds, fuck the flowers, all she wants is someone to keep her bed warm every night and touch her like it’s agony not too.” ~ J.Rose

I’ve never had someone give me their all~ but this time that is all I will accept.

The thing that I’ve realized is that I’ve never been with someone who has made me one of their priorities ~ and in that process I have poured 200% of myself into the relationship trying to make up for it.

But the actuality is that it never worked. Because one person can’t make up for the emotional or physical distance of another ~ no matter how hard we might try.

The reality is that I accepted less because at the time that was all I thought I was worthy of.

I thought that it was acceptable to be in a marriage where I did everything and got nothing in return.

I believed that it was normal to have men want to fuck me, but not want to give their hearts to me.

In the end, none of these relationships was the fault of my partner at the time ~ it was mine.

I doubted myself and my worthiness of love.

The truth that I realized, long after the fact, was that I didn’t fully love myself ~ and so, I never expected someone else to.

I was 50/50 with my own soul ~ so it seemed only natural to pick of pieces and breadcrumbs from those who tossed their meager offerings my way.

But I never felt truly satisfied ~ even when I felt the transparent shower of happiness from these shallow interactions.

It wasn’t until I was left alone with myself that I realized I was trying to seek outside validation of my own worth from these men.

I was relying on them to make me happy, to make me feel interesting and even depending upon them for the acceptance that I was physically attractive.

I needed to be left alone to realize that everything that I was seeking from others was precisely what I needed to discover within my own heart.

It took a long time to fall in love with myself ~ and to be at a point where I don’t feel the need to apologize for it anymore.
But now, not only do I know who I am and what I want ~ I also know what I deserve.

And this time ~ I want it all

Kate Rose

How to Choose a Lover~

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By lover, I don’t mean merely an intimate partner or a sexual dalliance.

By lover, I mean a person who ravishes your entire being—mind, body, heart and soul.

By lover, I mean the person who takes your breath away and breathes life into your dreams. By lover, I mean the person whose body fits yours like a glove and in whose eyes you see eternity. By lover, I mean the person who captures your attention and captivates your being.

You see, it is easy to choose a physical lover—as the commercial reminds us, there’s an app for that. You can swipe your way to a booked social calendar and still live with an empty heart. Many view the quest for love as a numbers game…the more exposures you have to potential partners, the better your chances. While I see the rationale behind that, I believe that is far too simple.

To choose a lover like the one above is not a numbers game. It is birthed from a deep and raw place within the soul—a place where many of us rarely explore within ourselves and don’t really know. That is why we choose our lovers based on surface characteristics and miss the soulful connection our hearts are craving.

To choose a lover who is soul food is a process that first requires one to go within and explore the deepest parts of oneself. One must discover who they were before life told them who they should be. One must shine a light into the darkness, knowing that facing the demons that reside there is vital to self-discovery. One must be willing to touch the places that ache, the longing within and the call of the heart. One must be willing to be undone, to feel lost and to let go—of projections, expectations and all the things you think love should be.

Choosing this type of soulful lover is not like going to a buffet where you try a little of this and that until you find what pleases your palate and satiates your hunger. You will only find the soulful lover you seek when you have been willing to go through your own soulful process of discovery.

You see, the soulful lover is not likely to be found on the buffet line. The soulful lover is like the best diamonds that are kept in the jewelry store—kept in the back, in the safe where only the most serious of buyers gain access. The soulful lover is a hidden treasure that can be accessed only by those with the eyes to see beneath the surface and go deep into the soul.

To choose a lover, you must first choose yourself.

You choose to allow the destruction of enlightenment to have its way with your life. You choose to remain steadfast in your commitment to your highest good. You choose to retain the hope and belief in the divinity of the universe that will bring everything you need to you at the exact right time.

You do not run around, chasing love. You sit back and become love. You spread love wherever you go in whatever you do. You let love be your guide, your roadmap and your true north. Love begets love and what you give out is what you get back.

To choose a lover, you must know what you are seeking and trust that as Rumi stated, “what you seek is seeking you.” When you are deeply living from a place of authentic truth, you will find those who are doing the same. From that space, you will no longer be standing in a buffet line, tasting the options but will be following your bliss to the place you most desire and filling your plate with that which fulfills, sustains and enriches your being.

~Lisa Vallejos, PhD

 

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/11/how-to-choose-a-lover/

Love’s Deeper Commitment~

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Let’s not commit to a future together. The future is so unknown, and we are so fluid, and tired of pretending that we know.
Our thoughts and feelings are ever-changing, uncontrollable, like a wild ocean of love.
Our desires wax and wane; our dreams are born and die in every moment.
Let’s not commit to a form of love. The forms are always shifting, like the tides.
We do not need security here. We are not seeking comfort, but Truth.
Let’s make a deeper commitment; one that cannot be broken or lost.
To presence. To meeting in the here-and-now.
To bringing all of ourselves. To knowing, and letting ourselves be known.
To telling the truth, today; knowing that our truth may change tomorrow.
To bowing before each other, even if our hearts are broken and tender.
No promises, no guarantees.
Loving takes courage! Yes!
For love is a field, not a form. Let us commit to the field, remember the field in every moment of our precious days on this Earth.
In ten years’ time, we may still be together. We may have children. We may live together, or live apart.
We may never see each other again. This may be our last day.
If we are honest, we really do not know; not knowing is our Home.
We may be friends, or lovers, or strangers, or family, or we may remain undefined, beyond narrative, our love unable to be captured in words.
Here at the edge of the known, on the line that once divided sanity from madness, and doubt from certainty, we play, we dance, we drink tea, we touch each other, we cry, we laugh, we meet.
We sacrifice comfort and predictability. But what we gain is astonishing: This tremendous sense of being alive. No longer numb to the mysteries of love, the mysteries of our bodies.
A little raw, perhaps. A little shaky. Maybe a little disoriented, but perhaps this is the price of being totally free.
Maybe an old part of us still seeks mommy or daddy, that Magic Person who will never leave, always be there, take away the loneliness repressed in our guts. Loving that frightened part too; bowing to that part too, but no longer being controlled by it.
And they will ask:
What about your future?
What happens if you have children?
How the hell do you define yourselves?
Why are you afraid of commitment?
Why do you run from security? Comfort? Future?
They will say you are crazy, or you don’t understand love, or you are lost, or you are unloving and selfish, and you will smile, and understand their fear, for their fear was once yours, and you cannot abandon your path now.
And nobody has to walk with you. Ever.
At some point, only Truth will satisfy. A living Truth, renewing itself each and every moment, the wild Truth of the open heart.
When Love and Truth are One, when the Commitment is deeply rooted in the breath, we can finally face each other without resentment, and explode into the most melancholy sunsets, held in the most profound joy.
Walking alone, together, alone.

 

The New Masculine~

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A woman’s expectation of wanting a “soul-connected, conscious, man who unconditionally loves and adores her,” is not unrealistic. It’s what a real man should bring to the relationship.

But men, in general, have failed. We haven’t gone within and made the shift from our ego-self to our heart. It’s been about us, and what we can get without really giving anything up. We haven’t done the inner work. We’ve been more concerned about what pleases our eye than what satisfies our soul. And we certainly haven’t treated women as our softer equal. We’ve been too busy pretending that we have all the answers to realize that women have a far greater understanding of life and love than we’ll ever have.

Women deserve so much better. It’s time for a new breed of the masculine to rise up and take a stand. It’s time to show the world what a real man is. It’s time to return to love.

~ Daniel Nielsen

 

photo: Jason Momoa

True Intimacy~

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True intimacy is only possible through vulnerability, which means being honest about who I am.

Nobody likes to be manipulated, and that’s what our social masks are designed to do: manipulate other people’s opinions and behaviour in our favour.

But a sensitive, open heart can feel through the facade, and one’s carefully prepared fictions don’t interest an open heart.

We yearn to feel the truth in one another. The Real.

We ache for The Real.

Authenticity and vulnerability can be wildly sexy because they are acts of openly offering ourselves as Real as we come.

Besides, when you see me honour and share my Real you feel more comfortable to honour and share yours.

In that dance, intimacy is inevitable.

~Bryan Reeves