Higher Sexual Consciousness~

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The path to awakened Shakti (sacred feminine life-force) will nearly always necessitate purification and vibrational ascension of the sexual energy within you.

True feminine sexual power is an alchemical, frequency-altering natural force that can influence consciousness on earthly and cosmic levels. When feminine sexuality is in full flow: embodied, accepted, trusted, openly expressed and owned without shame or guilt, divine shifts occur within a woman, her partner, and the entire universe.

Such is the power of a high-vibrationally attuned female sexuality, that some form of clearing or transformative experiences around this issue are usually part of the feminine ascension pathway.

When Kundalini energy begins to stir at the Root Chakra, it triggers specific healing forces that begin to work around any sexual blocks or restrictions present. This can lead to varying experiences that are all designed to clear and heal anything that is obstructing the highest natural flow of sacred sensual vibration.

If you are at this place in your spiritual journey, the Universe facilitates whatever is needed to best prepare you for holding and channelling much higher sexual frequencies in your body and chakras.

This can manifest in a myriad of ways: periods of celibacy, sexual therapy, receiving loving and healing touch in safe spaces, identifying and working through past experiences of abuse or violation (can be from past lives), examining emotional patterns and intimacy issues and so on.

It is very common to be drawn at this time to Tantra and sacred sexual practices, or any arena or body of learning that supports awareness of Spirit through Sex.

Many women who are now being actively called into Divine Service of the Goddess have practiced sacred sexual activities at a very high level in past incarnations. It is this memory of channelling extremely high, healing and ecstatic vibrations through sexual arousal and intimacy that is being re-stimulated.

Fully awakened divine feminine sexual power is phenomenally creative, healing and transmutative. It builds a bridge between the temporal and spiritual worlds – aligning hearts, minds and bodies with the Goddess through rapturous sacred union.
Many women have been called onto the path of higher sexual consciousness in recent years, and many more will continue to be drawn to this purifying initiation into the Divine Alchemy of Sacred Sex.

In this way, the Universe unleashes on the world a team of highly-qualified spiritual teachers in the form of awakened, empowered females – gifting the Earth with their ancient, radical sexual wisdom.

Trust that the Universe knows exactly what you need for your re-initiation into the role of Sexual Priestess, drafted in to bring great transformation through conscious sensual pleasure.

Your sexuality is imbued with wisdom, power, strength, unconditional love and acceptance.

The Divine Feminine sexual nature is holy medicine for the planet. Healed into Wholeness, a woman initiated into her radical, powerful sexual being is a monumental Gift to the Earth.

~Sophie Bashford

www.sophiebashford.com

Listen to Your Heart~

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Listen with your heart~

Infatuation is easy, intimacy is hard. In the middle of a disagreement, so many people wait for their turn to speak, instead of really listening to their partner. Years of history can bubble to the surface in an instant.

The need to be right can be deafening and blinding, and sometimes people dig their heels in so deeply there’s no hope for honest communication. As if it’s a fight, and their partner is their opponent, and the object is to win.

But a relationship is not a game, and there are no winners when you and the person you love are in pain. You protect your ego, or you protect the relationship. If you want to truly love, that requires your vulnerability, and it takes guts to be naked like that.

So many people confuse love with control and manipulation. But love is about acceptance and a celebration. That doesn’t mean there won’t be things to work on, because of course there will. It just means that you see people as they are, and you accept them and celebrate them, while also loving yourself.

If you keep nurturing a real connection, doing those things simultaneously, that is, loving your partner and also making sure you’re honouring yourself will be natural.

There’s so much beauty in true partnership, but it takes effort. For whatever reason, that part doesn’t get covered in the fairy tales or the romantic comedies.~

~Ally Hamilton

Excerpt from: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-11265/the-3-biggest-downfalls-of-romantic-relationships-how-to-avoid-them.html

 

 

COSMIC ORGASM through TANTRA ~~

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COSMIC ORGASM through TANTRA ~~

Tantra first teaches how to move in sex, how to know it, how to feel it, how to come to the deepest shiva cosmic dance possibility hidden in it, to the climax, how to find the essential beauty, the essential happiness and bliss that is hidden there.
Once you know that secret you can transcend it because, really, in a deep sexual orgasm it is not sex which gives you bliss, it is something else. Sex is just a situation. Something else is giving you the euphoria, the ecstasy. That something else can be divided into three elements. But when I speak about those elements, do not think that you can understand them just from my words. They must become part of your experience. As concepts they are useless. Because of three basic elements in sex you come to a blissful moment.Those three are:

~Firstly, Timelessness

You transcend time completely. There is no time. You forget time completely; time ceases for you. Not that time ceases, it ceases for YOU; you are not in it. There is no past, no future. In this very moment, here and now, the whole existence is concentrated. This moment becomes the only real moment. If you can make this moment the only real moment without sex, then there is no need of sex. Through meditation it happens.

~Secondly, You Become Egoless

In sex for the first time you lose your ego. So all those who are very much egoistic, they are all always against sex, because in sex they have to lose their egos. You are not, nor is there the other. You and your beloved are both lost into something else. A new reality evolves, a new unit comes into existence in which the old two are lost – completely lost. The ego is afraid. You are no more there. If without sex you can come to a moment when you are not, then there is no need of it.

~Thirdly, the Unreal is Lost

In sex you are natural for the first time. The unreal is lost, the faces, the facades are lost; the society, the culture, the civilization, is lost. You are a part of nature. As trees are, as animals are, as stars are, you are a part of nature. You are in a greater something – the cosmos, the Tao. You are floating in it. You cannot even swim in it; YOU are not. You are just floating – being taken by the current.

These Three Things Give You the Ecstasy

Sex is just a situation in which it happens naturally. Once you know and once you can feel these elements, you can create these elements independently of sex. All meditation is essentially the experience of sex without sex, but you have to go through it. It must become part of your experience, not just be there as concepts, ideas, thoughts.
Tantra is not for sex, tantra is to transcend. But you can transcend only through experience – existential experience – not through ideology. Only through tantra does Brahmacharya happen. This looks paradoxical, but it is not. Only through knowledge does transcendence happen. Ignorance cannot help you towards transcendence; it can only help you towards hypocrisy.

~Osho – The Secret of Secrets, Vol.2 #10

http://www.satrakshita.be/cosmic_orgasm_through_tantra.htm

 

Returning to Wholeness~

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Divine Feminine/ Earthly Mother ~ Returning to Wholeness~~

The Divine Feminine is represented in many things. It is the energy on earth known as the teacher, the inspirer, the place where things are born into creation, the receptive and intuitive place within, the earth. The Divine Feminine is not whole without the Divine Masculine, as the Divine Masculine is not whole without the Divine Feminine. We can see this teaching by looking at our bodies, our bodies which are direct and individual representations of the earthly mother. The matter which is the earthly mother awaits the infusion of the Heavenly Father, as the Heavenly Father awaits the inspiration of the earthly mother.

When one infuses the other there is creation. This teaching can be seen at so many levels. I will give you some examples, but this writing is only to inspire you, so that you can then go and look for this in nature, in life, in everything. Let us use the human body as our first representation of the divine feminine/earthly mother. The human body is made of the earth, it is made of matter. But it is not a creation until it is infused with spirit, with action, with the divine masculine. When one unites with the other, it becomes whole. Now let’s see this from another perspective, the human body as Divine Feminine, is not whole and healthy unless one takes action (the Divine Masculine) upon it. The body is waiting and receptive to action.

When we can infuse and feed the body with right action, the purest form of Divine Masculine, which can be exercise, organic foods, pure water, natural settings, the earthly mother that is your body thrives because it has been infused with its other half, and therefore is seen in its wholeness. Now we can take this to a micro level within the body. The egg, waiting and receptive, to the action and infusion from the sperm. Without one or the other there is no creation. The mother is our teacher, truly. She is where we find all Truth, the truth of nature, the truth of creation. In nature we will find the answers to how to live our lives. We cannot rely on the tainted perceptions of old teachings that have been warped with personal agenda. Instead we must look to our true mother. She is found in all of nature, for nature is the most pure and untainted form of creation, this is where we can find teachings of balance and Truth. She is here to inspire us, and it is our job to be inspired and take her teachings and put them into action. When this happens true creation comes from this wholeness.

As we can see, the divine feminine, earthly mother has been rejected and repressed for a while. It is our duty as evolving human beings to start to look to her, in every aspect of creation to teach us things and inspire us. In nature, in earth, in intuition, in women. This is where creation has been rejected and that is why there has been an imbalance. But things are shifting, and the earthly mother is no longer willing to be ignored. She wants to be loved, accepted, treated with respect and honor. I feel this desire even within my own self, being a physical representation of her my self, her energy is bubbling to the surface, and by writing I am taking action to birth her teaching into creation.

I will continue to write about these things and how they are represented in different aspects of life so that we may all learn from her and learn how to utilize these energies to create. There is so much to be said and it is so hard to put into words. We must learn to be silent, and receptive like her, to gain her teachings.

Where is the divine feminine in your life waiting to be infused with the divine masculine? What is waiting and receptive, full of inspiration, that needs to be made whole with action and energy? This is not a teaching on just the divine feminine, but on become whole within ourselves again. When this happens we can then become whole in our relationships, families, communities, and eventually globally. But first, start with your Self.

~Courtney Marie Schmidt

art: Andrew Gonzalez

Revisiting Old Flames~

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Is it wise to revisit old flames from the past?

There is a practice out in the world that many of us consciously or sub-consciously do, and that is re-dating or reconnecting with old flames.

So what is re-dating/reconnecting? Re-dating or reconnecting is revisiting or “dating” someone you have been in a past relationship with. I’ve heard from many people that once a relationship is over, it is best to move forward and never look back. However, who can honestly predict their own future? Who can honestly predict what road they will wind up down in the future? Or situations that may present themselves to us?

Why do so many of us close the door on old flames from the past and lock the doors? Why do we do this when we have so much more to share and learn from them.

I’ve also heard to this phenomena referred to as the “saved by the bell” syndrome. Zack chases Kelly, Zack gets Kelly, then they break up only to date again…and then inevitably beak up again. Then, their paths even cross in college and they date! (Spoiler: they get married too.)

First, let me state that I am a firm believer in re-dating/reconnecting.

I feel by the responses of my friends and reactions from others that this is not a popular notion. So why do I so firmly stand behind this notion? It’s simple. When you reconnect with someone from your past, you already have that basis of chemistry, which, in random encounters with new people is much more difficult to find or navigate through.

You tend to open up more quickly and more deeply, and there is already some semblance of a foundation of trust. (Assuming the initial break up or drifting apart had nothing to do with trust issues.) There is a season and a reason for everything. Fire burns for a reason. It may be tempered but it never fully goes out.

Recently, I reconnected with an old flame as she was searching on social media for people to help her move. I had not spoken to her in a few years, and I decided “what the hell, I’m not busy that particular day and it would be interesting to catch up with her afterwards for a bit.” This eventually lead to one of the most amazing eight months of my life.

When we first met, we were in high school, we dated off and on for about a year and after high school our paths would occasionally cross randomly for short periods of time but we never got serious. We both are “wandering souls.” She is one of a few that I have had similar experiences with. We would randomly pop up in each other’s lives for obscure reasons, and connect for a bit, share for a bit, be intimate for a bit, and then move back on.

However, this one in particular most recently touched my soul deeper than any human had ever touched my soul in the 34 years I have been on this earth.

We talked every day. For hours on hours. Learning new aspects of our lives, sharing experiences we have been through over the time that lapsed since we last connected. We travelled together, she took me out of the country for the first time to a beautiful island in Mexico, Isla Mujeres, and I got my first passport stamp!

She taught me how to experience life through her eyes. Her eyes are beautiful. Her eyes are beautiful not just because of their appearance, because of what she sees. She preaches self-improvement, she pushes people to be honourable, to never settle and find meaning in your life. To live extreme, or “intensely” as she puts it. To learn something new each day, to let go of mistakes made when the day is done, to happy, but to be helpful, honest, loyal…in a nutshell, to be virtuous. To live a full filling life by finding happiness and by finding your true place in this world.

I’ve known this old flame for almost 20 years, and in all that time, I overlooked many of her views her views. Or she simply had not the life experience during those previous encounters to pass on her lessons to me. Luckily, I caught them this time around.

I helped her learn how to let her guard down and be soft and sexy again. I helped her rediscover the joys of physical intimacy that she felt she lost over a brief period of time. I helped her rediscover the trust that can be found in companionship and that its ok to let someone else take the wheel for a while. I helped her feel more comfortable taking risks and going with the flow and putting herself out there. I helped push her to be authentic and to loosen the anchors in life that tie us down.

We helped each other when we both needed help. Our souls found each other again and had so much more to offer and share with each other this time around. It’s was the right season and the right reason.

We taught each other a lot of new things from the experiences we gained by our interactions with others and the lives we led in between our paths crossing again. Our flame never extinguished, it just diminished until our paths crossed again this particular time.

These are all new things to me. Had I not said “yes” to helping her move, had I not said “yes” to the idea of reconnecting with this particular old flame, I would have missed out on so many amazing life lessons and life experiences. My soul would never have been touched so softly and intimately. I would have missed out on an amazing, in fact, one of the best emotional, physical and spiritual connection that has been right in front of me this whole time. I can’t speak for her but I know she is happy and knows what she is searching for now, she is in the process of her own new discoveries and experiences.

As with most things in life, our time together had to end. We are souls that wander from place to place, person to person. Our time for this crossing had come to a close.

I am eager to find someone new or to reconnect with someone else from my past and pay it forward to someone else in the same fashion I’m sure my most recent fling’s experiences led her to pay if forward to me. Perhaps our paths will cross again someday and we both will have new lessons to teach each other, and new experiences that we have picked up along our journey to share with each other. Or perhaps we will help each other rediscover the lessons we passed on from our most recent encounter.

Perhaps we are meant to be reminders of the lessons constantly teach each other. Our fire is never meant to extinguish, but to dampen from time to time, only to be reignited when our paths cross again.

I encourage people to keep all doors open. Never close a door for good. There is always some lesson in life to be learned. It may be a harsh truth, a beautiful reality, an experience or even a brutal heart breaking occurrence, but the point is that that is how we learn, that is how we grow, and what better way to learn and to grow than to keep the door open to those who know us best in the first place.

Those who know our strengths and weaknesses and who are in the best position to help us grow. We all must grow on our own, but reconnecting with old flames always carries a learning experience. It could also lead to an amazing experience, one that will catch you off guard and eager to continue on your path or find a new people or other old flames and pay the lessons you just learned forward.

Or maybe your new “reconnection” will be fate and a sign that you were always meant to be together but needed time to grow individually away from each other before that deeper level of connection can be made. I will always keep my door open to those who have shared intimate time with me. There are so many lessons to learn and so many lessons to pass on and I want to give, not deprive myself to any person who has or will cross my path.

I sometimes find myself searching so vigorously for connections in new people that I often forget or overlook that the fiercest fire, the hottest flame has already crossed my path. So often we dodge our old flames and avoid them when we should be open to communication and the possibility of reigniting that old flame, that old passion. There is a season and a reason for everything, and this includes those old flames from our past.

You never know what you might be missing out on by passing up an old flame. They certainly will be a new person with new experiences and lessons to share just as you are a new person with new experience and lessons to share.

I have reconnected with other old flames previously to my most recent experience and some were good, some were bad. Some reminded me how much I enjoyed their company, some reminded me why we diminished our flame in the first place. However, in all the previous encounters, we both learned something new from the other and about the other. Life is all about learning and growing and finding the best people and best ways to connect with people.

Never pour water on a fire that you have started with someone else. Never close the door.

It’s natural to move on and find new connections and share new experiences with new people but remember the lessons learned from your old flames. Keep your fires burning, your souls searching and you may just find that what you’ve been looking and yearning for has been right in front of you this whole time. Or you may learn a lesson from that old flame that helps you connect even more deeply with a new person.~~

~ Adam Wilkinson
http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/07/the-value-in-re-dating-an-ex/


art: Franz von Stuck

Sex is Alchemy ~

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Everything in nature has a male and a female expression, such as in trees, fruits, animals, and also humans. In the human it is the feminine or negative side that is passive, but magnetic. It attracts to itself, it absorbs and stores potential energy. The male or positive side is electric or charged. When there is a union between the electric male and the magnetic female, the couple provides a conduit for cosmic force, which flows through them into the earth plane with tremendous power. This power radiated by them, polarises the surrounding atmosphere. The female at this time is surrounded by a corona of greenish-blue light. There is actually a powerful cosmic force surrounding us at all times that seeks expression through polarisation or sexual union. Therefore, because sex invokes a cosmic force it takes on a sacred meaning, as well as providing a vehicle for the incoming soul.
Sex cannot be treated as an exercise in eroticism with an orgasmic overtone. Sex, solely due to the abuse of it, has brought to humans disease, suffering and death. Basically, there is nothing wrong with sex. It is the human misinterpretation and misuse of sex that is wrong. For millions of people, sex is the only joy in life that they know. However, because the human is a self-contained universe, sex really brings two universes together to produce ~ by the holy process of reproduction ~ athird and so on ad infinitum. The main thrust of sex is to bring higher and higher souls into this world, and not to profane sex through lust and bring in lower and lower souls and sow the seeds of destruction in the world, such as we now see; humans wantonly killing one another.
In the man it is the feminine force that is passive and in the woman it is the masculine force that is passive, and before either one can be liberated these forces must be awakened. This is done through the near perfect union of soul to soul, mind to mind, and body to body, a true affinity. Thereby, a balance in the female magnetic and the male electric forces is affected. As a result of the merging of the magnetic and electric forces the two combined create an electromagnetic field of force that is all-encompassing. The all-absorbing female force field unites in perfect harmony with the dynamic and kinetic power of the male in near perfect union.
The energy generated through this male-female union is far greater than anything they can generate separately, because acting together they are able to draw to themselves agreat portion of the cosmic energy that exists around them. This in turn sets every atom into a higher vibration. Also at this time, because of the polarisation created around them, an impenetrable barrier to every form of evil that might approach or attack them is established.
Because there is a bio-electrical exchange of energy between two partners there is an intensification of sensitivity in the body, mind and soul. The body becomes sensual, the mind becomes more telepathic and the soul intuitional. This is also because the sexual union unlocks normally unused power. The universe itself is one indivisible matrix of cosmic force and this force is always seeking release or expression through a union of its opposite energies. So it seeks release in a couple who become a channel of discharge for this unique force.
Sex between two partners can take them to heaven or it can become hell, it can bestow greater health or it can cause disease and disability. Two right people together in love are one thing, but a wrong couple together is most certainly another thing. That which has the power to create also has the power to destroy. Partners must grow in sex the same as they grow in everything else in life.
A good healthy sexual relationship through the years of togetherness keeps each partner stimulated and charged, along with keeping them youthful. However, everything should be kept in balance. If the male is over-sexed he should not continually force his wife into a sexual relationship, because he can over-charge her and cause her to become a nervous wreck and to have violent outbreaks of anger. On the other hand, if the wife is too demanding sexually, she can wear the man out and drain the energy from him. Couples should, if possible, sleep together since this is beneficial to both, unless one of them is ill.
In humans it is the emotional contact between partners that is the prime force. There must be an emotional action and reaction between them before any bond is established. One person alone cannot forge such a bond. The other must respond to the emotion before any bond is extablished. If one person responds to the expression of emotion from another, then a bond is formed. And the continuity of the relationship endures as long as any emotion continues to be exchanged between a couple; and that may be love at first sight or love that grows as the relationship grows. Also, Karma may dictate the relationship as something from the past that has to be worked out. In this case, love may be missing, yet the relationship must be endured, albeit the emotional bond may be a negative one. You might say in a larger sense that it is karma that brings all people together, only some is negative karma instead of positive karma. So in the overall sense, marriages are made in heaven. That is, marriages are agreed upon before we arrive on this earth for this life.
In the final analysis, the highest sexual pleasure attainable is only a shadow of the bliss experienced through sexual energy converted into creative power. Sexual energy is the link between the material world and the spiritual. It helps the human spirit to be born into a material body. Later on it helps the human in his efforts to grow spiritually by using sexual energy as the means to stimulate and raise his consciousness to the divine cosmic awareness.
~Charles Lutes

Sexual Energy is the Energy of Life~

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Freely Express your Sensual and Sexual Self

Your sexual energy is the energy of life. You are a sexual being created from sexual energy. If you are not comfortable experiencing pleasurable sexual sensations, you are strangling your energy channels. That is why your desires have difficulty manifesting. The more you experience those exotic erotic feelings within you, the more your body’s energy will open up and allow you to naturally experience higher levels of health, creativity, productivity, freedom, abundance, happiness and enjoyment in life.

Allow yourself to experience yourself as an alive sensual and sexual being all day long. Let the sensual and sexual energy flow throughout your entire body. By letting yourself explore these sensual and sexual feelings anytime they arise, in any circumstance of situation, you gain the ultimate sense of freedom. Sexual freedom is a state of permission, which has been insanely suppressed all around the world. When you are sensually alive, there is an enjoyable exploration of your entire body.

Sexual freedom is what we all want, every person wants to be sexually liberated. It is to be the sensual and sexual being that you are. It is to look into members of the opposite sex with the message that you could greatly please them sexually, to show them that you could cause them to have great feelings of enjoyment, excitement and satisfaction. When others can feel there’s so much to gain by being with you through the sensual and fun loving nature you project, they will be irresistibly drawn to you.

~ Enoch Tan

What Ecstasy Is~

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“In deep orgasm,
if you are aware,
you will know for the first time
what ecstasy is.
Otherwise you have only heard the word;
you have not known its meaning.
Only in deep orgasm,
if you are aware,
if your flame of awareness is burning bright,
will you be able to know that
sex is not just sex.
Sex is the outermost layer;
deep inside is love;
and even deeper is prayer;
and deepest is God himself.
Sex can become a cosmic experience;
then it is Tantra.
Sex plus awareness…
and something tremendous starts changing.”

~Osho

To Love a Man ~

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To Love a Man ~

“If you want to change the world love a man; really love him
Choose the one whose soul calls to yours clearly who sees you; who is brave enough to be afraid
Accept his hand and guide him gently to your hearts blood
Where he can feel your warmth upon him and rest there
Look into his eyes look deep within and see what lies dormant or awake or shy or expectant there
Look into his eyes and see there his fathers and grandfathers and all the wars and madness their spirits fought in some distant land, some distant time
Look upon their pains and struggles and torments and guilt; without judgment
And let it all go
Feel into his ancestral burden
And know that what he seeks is safe refuge in you
Let him melt in your steady gaze
And know that you need not mirror that rage
Because you have a womb, a sweet, deep gateway to wash and renew old wounds

If you want to change the world love a man, really love him
Sit before him, in the full majesty of your woman in the breath of your vulnerability
In the play of your child innocence in the depths of your death
Flowering invitation, softly yielding, allowing his power as a man
To step forward towards you…and swim in the Earth’s womb, in silent knowing, together
And when he retreats…because he will…flees in fear to his cave…
Gather your grandmothers around you…envelope in their wisdoms
Hear their gentle shusshhhed whispers, calm your frightened girls’ heart
Urging you to be still…and wait patiently for his return
Sit and sing by his door, a song of remembrance, that he may be soothed, once more

If you want to change the world, love a man, really love him
Do not coax out his little boy
With guiles and wiles and seduction and trickery
Only to lure him…to a web of destruction
To a place of chaos and hatred
More terrible than any war fought by his brothers
This is not feminine this is revenge
This is the poison of the twisted lines
Of the abuse of the ages, the rape of our world
And this gives no power to woman it reduces her as she cuts off his balls
And it kills us all
And whether his mother held him or could not
Show him the true mother now
Hold him and guide him in your grace and your depth
Smouldering in the centre of the Earth’s core
Do not punish him for his wounds that you think don’t meet your needs or criteria
Cry for him sweet rivers
Bleed it all back home

If you want to change the world love a man, really love him
Love him enough to be naked and free
Love him enough to open your body and soul to the cycle of birth and of death
And thank him for the opportunity
As you dance together through the raging winds and silent woods
Be brave enough to be fragile and let him drink in the soft, heady petals of your being
Let him know he can hold you stand up and protect you
Fall back into his arms and trust him to catch you
Even if you’ve been dropped a thousand times before
Teach him how to surrender by surrendering yourself
And merge into the sweet nothing, of this worlds’ heart

If you want to change the world, love a man, really love him
Encourage him, feed him, allow him, hear him, hold him, heal him
And you, in turn, will be nourished and supported and protected
By strong arms and clear thoughts and focused arrows
Because he can, if you let him, be all that you dream

If you want to love a man, love yourself, love your father
Love your brother, your son, your ex-partner; from the first boy you kissed,
To the last one you wept over
Give thanks for the gifts; of your unravelling to this meeting
Of the one who stands before you now
And find in him the seed to all that’s new and solar
A seed that you can feed to help direct the planting
To grow a new world, together.”~

~Lauren Wilce

 

This Time I Want it All~

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“It isn’t about diamonds, fuck the flowers, all she wants is someone to keep her bed warm every night and touch her like it’s agony not too.” ~ J.Rose

I’ve never had someone give me their all~ but this time that is all I will accept.

The thing that I’ve realized is that I’ve never been with someone who has made me one of their priorities ~ and in that process I have poured 200% of myself into the relationship trying to make up for it.

But the actuality is that it never worked. Because one person can’t make up for the emotional or physical distance of another ~ no matter how hard we might try.

The reality is that I accepted less because at the time that was all I thought I was worthy of.

I thought that it was acceptable to be in a marriage where I did everything and got nothing in return.

I believed that it was normal to have men want to fuck me, but not want to give their hearts to me.

In the end, none of these relationships was the fault of my partner at the time ~ it was mine.

I doubted myself and my worthiness of love.

The truth that I realized, long after the fact, was that I didn’t fully love myself ~ and so, I never expected someone else to.

I was 50/50 with my own soul ~ so it seemed only natural to pick of pieces and breadcrumbs from those who tossed their meager offerings my way.

But I never felt truly satisfied ~ even when I felt the transparent shower of happiness from these shallow interactions.

It wasn’t until I was left alone with myself that I realized I was trying to seek outside validation of my own worth from these men.

I was relying on them to make me happy, to make me feel interesting and even depending upon them for the acceptance that I was physically attractive.

I needed to be left alone to realize that everything that I was seeking from others was precisely what I needed to discover within my own heart.

It took a long time to fall in love with myself ~ and to be at a point where I don’t feel the need to apologize for it anymore.
But now, not only do I know who I am and what I want ~ I also know what I deserve.

And this time ~ I want it all

Kate Rose