Opening to Love~

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My dear proud brother,
I know why you’ve always struggled to truly, fully love every woman you’ve ever wanted to truly, fully love.
I know why every romance you’ve ever indulged in for more than a sweet, fleeting moment soon threatened to overwhelm you.

I know why you still sometimes feel the urge to run from the burdens of relationship toward the promise of freedom in quiet, faraway hills where no woman will ever find you—and why you may be tempted to stay there forever.

I also know why you always return to her…and why you always will.
Because you’re not just merely a man; you’re a goddamn warrior for Love.
Deep in the marrow of your masculine core, you know you didn’t come here to play safe and pass time, simply scoring goals and notches on your bed post, or making money and fragile monuments to your pride.

Hell, no.

You came here to throw down with life, to get bloody and muddy earth all over your soul, as you charge gallantly each day beyond the edges of your hard-earned comfort zone.

You are wise, ancient stardust sculpted into mighty earth come alive. You are a volcano with a hot molten heart at your core, risen to offer your authentic love even in the face of forces that would overwhelm lesser men.
I know what’s been asked of you in this lifetime isn’t easy.

But if you’re ready to claim your birth-right as a King amongst Kings, a heart-centred warrior-protector of the planet and all things true and good and beautiful, then it’s time you learn how to love a wild woman in her deliciously untameable fullness.

And you are ready to love all of her, because you’re a goddamn warrior.
I know your fathers and brothers and schoolyard playmates warned you to be wary of her. Through stern faces masking an ignorance they dare not confess, they insisted that the emotions and tears and unpredictable extremes of a feminine heart have no place in the productive, rational world of a “real man.”

Either flee or subdue the unpredictable heart of any woman in your midst, they cautioned, lest her raw power snap all your straight lines, ruin your portfolio and mercilessly break your fragile grip on sanity.

But you don’t buy that bullshit anymore.

Oh, I know you still tremble at the thought of her fiery Kali spirit unleashed like a hurricane in your world. You’ve been gutted and wrecked countless times by awful perversions of love. Too many women in their own fear and immaturity have assigned you the Mission Impossible task of making them happy and then tried to hang you when you failed.

Your psyche has been so badly burnt you can barely imagine anymore the woman who would inspire your devotion.

Fortunately, my good man, all that agony was just warrior boot camp.
Every chaotic, heart-wrenching love affair only served to bleed out the immature and wounded parts of you that would otherwise overthrow your Kingly heart.

You didn’t know it, but life has been preparing you for what’s about to happen: your unconditional surrender to a dazzling love that will sweep through you like a wildfire at dawn.

When she arrives, this love will finally teach you how to breathe through your heart down your spine and into your balls so you can stand full and courageous before the fire-breathing dragons life will never stop sending at you.

Naturally, your woman will train you with your own dragons, the ones still lurking in your shadows. She will know exactly where to find them and which spells turn them against you. She’ll delight in casting those spells, too, but only because she revels in watching you, with hungry, primal eyes, claim your mastery.

For that’s her greatest gift to you: mastery in devotion to love.
She will send those dragons after you whenever she doubts your commitment—not your commitment to her little tyrant ego’s selfish demands. No, she’s done her deep inner work enough to know we didn’t come to serve that scavenger dog.

It’s your commitment to love’s will that she wants to trust deeply. That’s the only way she’ll know you won’t abandon her and run for the hills when her own dragons get loose and try to set your hair on fire.

Oh, it’s gonna be spectacular, my brother!

For this journey of devotion is your awakening to the massive truth of who you already are: love, itself!

So give up once and for all using women’s healing energy to fill the goddess-size hole that ages of patriarchy ripped out of your heart.

Stop trying to shrink women into cute, manageable little pets who ask so little of you, and who you can easily love and accept. That just turns them into not enough for your daring soul, anyway.

You don’t need some passive sex-toy with an off-switch that you keep in the closet. You need a spirited sorceress singing shaman songs beside you as you sharpen your sword for battle, because you’re a goddamn warrior, after all.

You’re ready for the sacred quest to love all of her.

She will serve you well on this journey, for this one likes to run with the wild things. She will shine like bright starlight in your eyes and dance like fire to light your way home to your true self.

But it’s only her courage to offer you the fullness of her feminine soul, from her rage to her radiance, that will truly help you navigate deeper into the mystical realms of devotion. No timid woman will ever do for a true warrior.

Your muse is looking for you, my brother, and she’ll probably show up all smiley and sweet-scented. But make no mistake: she will be the best teacher of unconditional love you have ever known.

I suggest you leave your armour behind for this quest. Protecting yourself will only keep away what you most deeply desire, anyway.

Learning to love all of her will require you leave everything behind, actually, except your own authentic heart.

For she’s aching for nothing less than your true authentic heart to step up and boldly claim the untold treasures buried deep within her own.~

~ Bryan Reeves

http://www.facebook.com/bryanreevesofficial

Emotional Intelligence and Intimacy~

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Emotional Intelligence and Intimacy~

Intimacy is often times mistaken for physical closeness: hugging, cuddling, kissing, sex. However, if there is no emotional intimacy, as in emotional relating and a feeling of safety in a relationship, then physical intimacy can only go that far.

For many people, physical intimacy comes easier than emotional intimacy. For others it is the other way around. Often times people avoid emotional intimacy by focusing on physical intimacy, using sex to buffer up their vulnerability. But in order to truly open up to a partner and go deep, we need to feel safe and be able to share emotional intimacy, our fears, mistakes, and pains and receive each other with compassion and empathy.

In order to be emotional intimate with a partner we need to be able to be intimate with ourselves, feeling our vulnerability without judgment and developing healthy self-love. If we are not comfortable with our own vulnerability, we cannot receive the vulnerability of another person fully and emotional intimacy is blocked. No matter how hot the sex and how great physical intimacy is, if we don’t develop or have emotional intimacy and the safety to express ourselves that way, a relationship can go only so far.

We need safety and healthy boundaries in order to establish intimacy on all levels. This safety is more than just feeling “secure” and boundaries don’t mean rejection or avoidance. It is about taking care of ourselves. Our body gives us constantly clues about what is safe for us and what not. The more we are in touch with our bodies, the more we can receive these messages which also puts us in touch with our vulnerability. It’s important to listen to these bodily sensations which go deeper than just sexual feelings. Most often they are buried under layers of “armor”. It’s easy to rationalize these deeper sensations away, judging ourselves for not opening up when it doesn’t feel safe. Don’t listen to the mind, trust your body and don’t judge yourself for however you feel.

Emotional intimacy goes hand in hand with trust, knowing that we can be completely ourselves with all our vulnerability and always be received with compassion and empathy in a safe container by a partner. But before we can receive another person like that ourselves, or even express ourselves that way, we must be able to to be compassionate with ourselves and love ourselves, the dark and light, neither inflating or diminishing ourselves.

Otherwise we will keep looking for the illusory partner, who never comes and whom we want to be a certain way, when in fact this is what we need to give to ourselves first. Sometimes we’re looking for a “savior” in a partner unconsciously but it is a projection of what we have denied or avoided to give ourselves: healthy self-love, vulnerability and inner safety. Before we can develop deeper trust with a partner, we need to be able to trust ourselves and the deeper clues our bodies are giving us.

Living in a world with ever increasing technology and computerization we have become more and more disconnected from our bodies. We stare at a computer screen more than ever before, professionally or at home. We are glued to our smartphones. Children spend more time on play-stations, TV, and computers than playing outside. We have become desensitized and are not aware of how we hold and carry ourselves and how every day life affects our bodies and overall health.

Most of us are so out of touch with our bodies that we don’t even sense these messages which could help us to make wiser decisions and choices. Our rational mind tends to over-ride the more subtle impressions of the body, the gut feeling, and the energetic clues that are perceived by the body. We may sense some tension in our bodies when something or someone feels off but tend to ignore it, getting stuck in our head and our thoughts. Mainstream education doesn’t teach us about body awareness and how to listen to our intuition and gut-feelings. We reward intellectual intelligence but have forgotten emotional intelligence and the intelligence of the body.

There are many ways to get in touch with our bodies (Bodywork, Yoga, Dance, Qi Gong, Tai Qi, to name a few…) in order to increase self-awareness and sensitivity to the energetic clues of our environment as well as release energy blocks, stress and trauma that is manifested in our bodies from our past and through daily living. A healthy body-mind is the foundation for good health and relationships: physical, emotional, and mental.

“Take care of your body with steadfast fidelity. The soul must see through these eyes alone, and if they are dim, the whole world is clouded.”
~ Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

~ Bernhard Guenther

http://wakeup-world.com/…/emotional-intelligence-and-intim…/

art: Mauro Colombo

Tantric Lingam Massage~

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In Tantra, the penis is called the Lingam, which in Sanskrit can be translated as “Wand of Light.” A big part of Sacred Sexuality is learning to love the penis and not be afraid of it.

In Tantra, we connect with our partner on a personal level. We also connect with the universal sexual chi or energy that is in our partner’s body as an energetic life force. One way to do this is through the lingam massage. Yes, this is a fancy name for a hand job. But it’s done with more thoughtfulness, respect, care, and desire to bring selfless pleasure to your partner.

Unlike your average hand job, the lingam massage involves not only massaging and stroking the penis but can also incorporate more advanced techniques, including the testicles, perineum, and the Sacred Spot (aka the prostate) as well.

Lingam is the Sanskrit word for penis and loosely translates to “wand of light.” In Tantra philosophy, we approach the lingam, or penis, from a place of the utmost love and respect, the same way we approach the yoni, or vagina. By bringing a partner pleasure through his “wand of light,” we are filled with that same energy or light in a conscious exchange of energy in giving and receiving pleasure.

Lingam massage is a practice that truly honors a man. We do it to give him pleasure. There is also a tremendous amount of sexual energy or chi in a man’s penis. Learning how to stimulate and circulate it is very powerful.

When I went to India to study Tantra and yoga, I was shocked at first to see statues of the Shiva lingam that represented the God Shiva. For most people, it represents a state of meditation. But for ancient Tantric practitioners, this held a secret meaning: that this powerful God energy was in the man’s body but especially in the penis, which contains the most masculine essence concentrated in one place.

So, to truly have sacred sex, you need to approach the man’s body as a temple and his penis as the most holy place of all.

This isn’t about having one orgasm and being done. Instead, it’s about trying to feel more and more pleasure that will become waves of multiple orgasms throughout the massage.

Here’s how to perform a lingam penis massage on your partner.

For men who want to use this for sacred practice for masturbation and energy cultivation, follow the same instructions yourself.

1. Get him relaxed.

Have your partner lie on his back wherever he is most comfortable. He might like a pillow under his head and/or under his hips. His legs should be spread apart with his knees bent, so you have easy access to all parts of his genitalia. Remind him to breathe deeply. This will assist in a deeper relaxation.

2. Remember to breathe.

Breathing is what separates Tantra from regular sex. While you give your partner the lingam massage, remember to breathe the Bliss Breath: to receive his energy of arousal and pleasure on the inhale and send him loving energy on the exhale.

This special breathing will bring you three benefits:

1. You’ll have a deeper feeling of worship or meditation and mindfulness.

2. It will make you more empathetic to his thoughts and feelings.

3. It will heighten your sexual intuition—you’ll be more aware of what your partner wants without him having to ask.

3. Encourage your partner to breathe deeply.

Before you start the lingam massage, tune into your partner by engaging in the bliss breath together. Just taking a few breaths at the same time will put you both at ease and match your bio-rhythms. While you give him the massage, keep reminding him to breathe deeply, relax, and receive all the good feelings.

4. Lubricate and massage around the penis.

Use your favorite massage oil (I prefer coconut oil because it smells yummy) to oil the shaft of the penis and his testicles. Start by sliding your hands up and down his thighs before getting to the good stuff. This will also make him feel more relaxed. Compliment him on something you like about what you’re seeing and touching.

Move onto the testicles. Gently, slowly massage them. You can use your fingernails gently on his testicles, or pull them slightly. You can also cup them in your hands and fondle them in the palm of your hand.

Massage the area around his testicles and penis (i.e., the pubic bone in the front, the inner part of his thighs, and his perineum—or taint—which is the area between the testicles and the anus).

Be careful with the balls. Men differ greatly as to the kind of touch they like. Some men are more sensitive or ticklish than others. It’s OK to ask him how he likes them touched before you start, or even as you start fondling them.

5. Massage the shaft.

Once you’ve teased the areas around the penis and he’s clearly wanting more, move to the shaft of the penis. Vary your grip from harder to lighter. Vary your stroke sequences between straight up and down and a twisting motion.

Vary the action from one hand to two hands. When using just one hand, alternate between using the right hand and the left hand.

Vary the speed from slow to fast. Start slowly and build up to a faster pace, then take it back to a slow speed again. Keep alternating the pressure, speed, rhythm, and methods.

Also, alternate the shaft strokes to start from the root of the shaft all the way up to the head. Once at the head, you can either continue the straight up and down motion, or you can do the twist—going from the root of the shaft and stopping just below the tip of the penis.

Variety is the key here.

When using two hands, you can do it a few different ways:

1. Both hands hold the penis in the same direction with the fingers pointing the same way.

2. One hand holds the penis facing one way and the other hand faces the other way.

3. Both hands move up and down at the same time. Oil is your friend here. It helps create a smoother, gliding motion.

4. The bottom hand moves up and down while the top hand does a swirling/twisting action at the tip of the penis.

6. Don’t let him climax. Keep him at the edge of orgasm.

By now, he might be very worked up and might want to come. If you are paying close attention to his breathing, how his body is moving, and his moaning, you should be able to predict if he’s nearing orgasm.

When you see him at that edge, pull back on what you’re doing, or just slow it down and remind him to breathe and ride the wave of orgasmic feelings he’s experiencing.

He might go from being rock hard to semi-hard. Don’t worry. That’s what’s supposed to happen.

7. Stimulate the sacred spot externally.

The Sacred Spot is the prostate, which is a walnut-size gland located between the bladder and the penis. When stimulated properly, it is very pleasurable for men.

You can access the prostate either internally (by inserting your fingers or a prostate massage sex toy into the anus) or externally (through massaging the outside without penetration).

If your man isn’t experienced with prostate massage, start externally. To find the sacred spot, look for an indentation somewhere between the size of a pea and a walnut midway between the testicles and the anus. Push gently inward. Be careful to go slowly and let him guide you in terms of pressure.

When you hit the right spot, massage it by pushing in with your fingers or knuckles, then backing off and pushing in again. You can also use a circular massage motion. If he’s especially hairy, use more oil so you can get to the area more easily. Or better yet, ask him if you can shave him for easier access.

8. Stimulate the sacred spot internally.

Ask your man if he’s interested in taking the prostate massage to the next level with an internal massage. If he’s game, you’ll want to loosen up his anus with massage oil. Start by massaging the outside of the anus with your fingers in a slow, smooth, and gentle circular motion. Don’t insert a finger without his permission. Ask if he’s ready for more.

If he is ready for insertion, make sure his anus and your fingers are oiled up. Make sure your nails don’t have any jagged edges. Start by inserting just the tip of one finger at first. Wiggle it back and forth to loosen him up. Once he’s comfortable with that, you can insert your finger(s) more deeply, as the prostate is about 2 to 3 inches inside the anus, closer to the anterior wall of the rectum.

Once there, you can gently caress it by moving your finger from side to side, up and down, or “milking” it with a come hither motion with your finger(s). Ask him how he’s doing as you go. Let him lead.

Prostate massage can sometimes be difficult to do with fingers, which is why so many sex toy companies now sell prostate massagers that you can use when you’re ready to take it to the next level.

9. End the massage.

To end the massage, you can allow him to climax with an ejaculation orgasm or move onto intercourse. If he is practicing semen retention, you can have him hold all his juices as he learns to transmute the orgasm from the genitals into whole body energy orgasms.~

~Psalm Isadora
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-25591/yes-men-can-have-multiple-orgasms-heres-the-tantric-technique-thatll-make-it.html

 

If It Hurts, It Isn’t Love~

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“If it hurts, it isn’t love.”

This is a saying that I have stoically avoided and a way of thinking that I have ran from.

This is because there have been parts of my love life that were excruciatingly painful and if I took the above saying on face value it would mean that I didn’t love my partner.

With me being the old romantic I am, I would quite quickly deduce that to mean I should not be with her. This would be in stark contrast to my feelings of devotion to her, my idea of our future together and my unasked for feelings towards her.

But recently the true meaning behind the statement, “If it hurts, it isn’t love” hit me. It’s not love that hurts. Love in and of itself does not hurt. It can’t. It’s something else that hurts.

But more importantly, just because there is an aspect of a relationship that hurts, does not mean the relationship is not based on love. There is something else going on that is causing the pain. This is really important.

Think of a river. Clear water bringing life to everything in its path. The river is not harmful. Nor does it cause pain or damage. But if a dead tree were to fall in to the river and be carried along it, the tree would cause immense damage to anything in its path.

The river still carries the innocent intention of simply being what it is, but the tree within the river causes hurt. So the tree is what hurts, not the river. And yet the tree and the river both exist. Both are true and both are real. The existence of one does not invalidate the other. Neither does the presence of the tree deny the fact that the river exists.

It is in the same light that I view relationship woes. I can love my partner. And it can be as unquestionable and as real as it gets. However, I may also have a huge dead tree floating along at the same time, which causes immense pain. It is my tree, probably put there by me and is absolutely my responsibility to remove. But it still exists. Right along side the love I can feel. Both are present. My irrational thought patterns do not mean that my love does not exist. My love exists and is strong. Of this I am certain.

It is not love that hurts. Love cannot ever cause pain. That there is pain does not mean that there is not love. It’s just not love that is causing the pain.

~Andy Charrington

art: Autumn Skye Morrison

Listen to Your Heart~

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Listen with your heart~

Infatuation is easy, intimacy is hard. In the middle of a disagreement, so many people wait for their turn to speak, instead of really listening to their partner. Years of history can bubble to the surface in an instant.

The need to be right can be deafening and blinding, and sometimes people dig their heels in so deeply there’s no hope for honest communication. As if it’s a fight, and their partner is their opponent, and the object is to win.

But a relationship is not a game, and there are no winners when you and the person you love are in pain. You protect your ego, or you protect the relationship. If you want to truly love, that requires your vulnerability, and it takes guts to be naked like that.

So many people confuse love with control and manipulation. But love is about acceptance and a celebration. That doesn’t mean there won’t be things to work on, because of course there will. It just means that you see people as they are, and you accept them and celebrate them, while also loving yourself.

If you keep nurturing a real connection, doing those things simultaneously, that is, loving your partner and also making sure you’re honouring yourself will be natural.

There’s so much beauty in true partnership, but it takes effort. For whatever reason, that part doesn’t get covered in the fairy tales or the romantic comedies.~

~Ally Hamilton

Excerpt from: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-11265/the-3-biggest-downfalls-of-romantic-relationships-how-to-avoid-them.html

 

 

COSMIC ORGASM through TANTRA ~~

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COSMIC ORGASM through TANTRA ~~

Tantra first teaches how to move in sex, how to know it, how to feel it, how to come to the deepest shiva cosmic dance possibility hidden in it, to the climax, how to find the essential beauty, the essential happiness and bliss that is hidden there.
Once you know that secret you can transcend it because, really, in a deep sexual orgasm it is not sex which gives you bliss, it is something else. Sex is just a situation. Something else is giving you the euphoria, the ecstasy. That something else can be divided into three elements. But when I speak about those elements, do not think that you can understand them just from my words. They must become part of your experience. As concepts they are useless. Because of three basic elements in sex you come to a blissful moment.Those three are:

~Firstly, Timelessness

You transcend time completely. There is no time. You forget time completely; time ceases for you. Not that time ceases, it ceases for YOU; you are not in it. There is no past, no future. In this very moment, here and now, the whole existence is concentrated. This moment becomes the only real moment. If you can make this moment the only real moment without sex, then there is no need of sex. Through meditation it happens.

~Secondly, You Become Egoless

In sex for the first time you lose your ego. So all those who are very much egoistic, they are all always against sex, because in sex they have to lose their egos. You are not, nor is there the other. You and your beloved are both lost into something else. A new reality evolves, a new unit comes into existence in which the old two are lost – completely lost. The ego is afraid. You are no more there. If without sex you can come to a moment when you are not, then there is no need of it.

~Thirdly, the Unreal is Lost

In sex you are natural for the first time. The unreal is lost, the faces, the facades are lost; the society, the culture, the civilization, is lost. You are a part of nature. As trees are, as animals are, as stars are, you are a part of nature. You are in a greater something – the cosmos, the Tao. You are floating in it. You cannot even swim in it; YOU are not. You are just floating – being taken by the current.

These Three Things Give You the Ecstasy

Sex is just a situation in which it happens naturally. Once you know and once you can feel these elements, you can create these elements independently of sex. All meditation is essentially the experience of sex without sex, but you have to go through it. It must become part of your experience, not just be there as concepts, ideas, thoughts.
Tantra is not for sex, tantra is to transcend. But you can transcend only through experience – existential experience – not through ideology. Only through tantra does Brahmacharya happen. This looks paradoxical, but it is not. Only through knowledge does transcendence happen. Ignorance cannot help you towards transcendence; it can only help you towards hypocrisy.

~Osho – The Secret of Secrets, Vol.2 #10

http://www.satrakshita.be/cosmic_orgasm_through_tantra.htm

 

To Love a Man ~

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To Love a Man ~

“If you want to change the world love a man; really love him
Choose the one whose soul calls to yours clearly who sees you; who is brave enough to be afraid
Accept his hand and guide him gently to your hearts blood
Where he can feel your warmth upon him and rest there
Look into his eyes look deep within and see what lies dormant or awake or shy or expectant there
Look into his eyes and see there his fathers and grandfathers and all the wars and madness their spirits fought in some distant land, some distant time
Look upon their pains and struggles and torments and guilt; without judgment
And let it all go
Feel into his ancestral burden
And know that what he seeks is safe refuge in you
Let him melt in your steady gaze
And know that you need not mirror that rage
Because you have a womb, a sweet, deep gateway to wash and renew old wounds

If you want to change the world love a man, really love him
Sit before him, in the full majesty of your woman in the breath of your vulnerability
In the play of your child innocence in the depths of your death
Flowering invitation, softly yielding, allowing his power as a man
To step forward towards you…and swim in the Earth’s womb, in silent knowing, together
And when he retreats…because he will…flees in fear to his cave…
Gather your grandmothers around you…envelope in their wisdoms
Hear their gentle shusshhhed whispers, calm your frightened girls’ heart
Urging you to be still…and wait patiently for his return
Sit and sing by his door, a song of remembrance, that he may be soothed, once more

If you want to change the world, love a man, really love him
Do not coax out his little boy
With guiles and wiles and seduction and trickery
Only to lure him…to a web of destruction
To a place of chaos and hatred
More terrible than any war fought by his brothers
This is not feminine this is revenge
This is the poison of the twisted lines
Of the abuse of the ages, the rape of our world
And this gives no power to woman it reduces her as she cuts off his balls
And it kills us all
And whether his mother held him or could not
Show him the true mother now
Hold him and guide him in your grace and your depth
Smouldering in the centre of the Earth’s core
Do not punish him for his wounds that you think don’t meet your needs or criteria
Cry for him sweet rivers
Bleed it all back home

If you want to change the world love a man, really love him
Love him enough to be naked and free
Love him enough to open your body and soul to the cycle of birth and of death
And thank him for the opportunity
As you dance together through the raging winds and silent woods
Be brave enough to be fragile and let him drink in the soft, heady petals of your being
Let him know he can hold you stand up and protect you
Fall back into his arms and trust him to catch you
Even if you’ve been dropped a thousand times before
Teach him how to surrender by surrendering yourself
And merge into the sweet nothing, of this worlds’ heart

If you want to change the world, love a man, really love him
Encourage him, feed him, allow him, hear him, hold him, heal him
And you, in turn, will be nourished and supported and protected
By strong arms and clear thoughts and focused arrows
Because he can, if you let him, be all that you dream

If you want to love a man, love yourself, love your father
Love your brother, your son, your ex-partner; from the first boy you kissed,
To the last one you wept over
Give thanks for the gifts; of your unravelling to this meeting
Of the one who stands before you now
And find in him the seed to all that’s new and solar
A seed that you can feed to help direct the planting
To grow a new world, together.”~

~Lauren Wilce

 

This Time I Want it All~

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“It isn’t about diamonds, fuck the flowers, all she wants is someone to keep her bed warm every night and touch her like it’s agony not too.” ~ J.Rose

I’ve never had someone give me their all~ but this time that is all I will accept.

The thing that I’ve realized is that I’ve never been with someone who has made me one of their priorities ~ and in that process I have poured 200% of myself into the relationship trying to make up for it.

But the actuality is that it never worked. Because one person can’t make up for the emotional or physical distance of another ~ no matter how hard we might try.

The reality is that I accepted less because at the time that was all I thought I was worthy of.

I thought that it was acceptable to be in a marriage where I did everything and got nothing in return.

I believed that it was normal to have men want to fuck me, but not want to give their hearts to me.

In the end, none of these relationships was the fault of my partner at the time ~ it was mine.

I doubted myself and my worthiness of love.

The truth that I realized, long after the fact, was that I didn’t fully love myself ~ and so, I never expected someone else to.

I was 50/50 with my own soul ~ so it seemed only natural to pick of pieces and breadcrumbs from those who tossed their meager offerings my way.

But I never felt truly satisfied ~ even when I felt the transparent shower of happiness from these shallow interactions.

It wasn’t until I was left alone with myself that I realized I was trying to seek outside validation of my own worth from these men.

I was relying on them to make me happy, to make me feel interesting and even depending upon them for the acceptance that I was physically attractive.

I needed to be left alone to realize that everything that I was seeking from others was precisely what I needed to discover within my own heart.

It took a long time to fall in love with myself ~ and to be at a point where I don’t feel the need to apologize for it anymore.
But now, not only do I know who I am and what I want ~ I also know what I deserve.

And this time ~ I want it all

Kate Rose

Soul Fucking and How to~

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Warning: plenty of F-bombs and adult language up ahead.

A number of readers asked me to provide a “how to” for my recent blog: “Soul Fucking.” While I did touch upon the elements in that blog, I will do my best to expand upon them here.

Perhaps you’ve read my first blog and it had you thinking: “yeah right, I don’t know who she’s been sleeping with, but that candy train just does not coming rolling through this bedroom.”

Well, maybe I can break it down into more digestible pieces here and at the very least offer hope for some “Soul Fucking” to manifest in your future.

First off, for “Soul Fucking” to flourish and even be possible, the ground must be fertile, and the fertilizer is consciousness.

When two conscious, awakened souls get together, there exists the possibility for a much deeper lever of truth, presence, openness and surrender.

From here, our sexual encounters have the potential to evolve into something much more spiritual and profound as long as the partners are game and have been emotionally potty trained (i.e. consciously awakened and regularly working through their own shit).

So, how does one get to higher, consciously fertilized ground?

The process breaks down roughly like this:

There exists a desire to grow, learn, evolve and “wake the fuck up.” We embrace that there is more to get out of life and/or our threshold for pain and suffering has been met.

We engage in active choices for meaning and self-discovery through various outlets and vehicles.

We integrate our findings into our daily lives through committed practice, and then…

We give responsible and grown up attention to our internal states and accept that this will be an ongoing and unending process—like dirty laundry, there will always be more to wash.

This is the “yellow brick road” of a consciously awakening seeker.

Seekers, by design, will naturally seek out the tributaries and portals needed to facilitate their awakening. These can present themselves in many forms; parents, children, siblings, books, therapy, yoga, meditation, heartbreak, illness, aging, birth, death—and of course, fellow seekers.

Fellow seekers, and only fellow seekers, provide us the potential for “Soul Fucking.”

Ok, I’m on the “yellow brick road” and I’ve found a fellow seeker, now what?

Soul Fucking is all about the ability to let go, to release, to “undo.” We all have our outer layers that have so foolishly adorned our fragile hearts. We wear this armor and stand guard at the gates of our gilded walls because we are absolutely terrified of pain from things like rejection, abandonment and loneliness. We fear having our darkness seen because we expect that it will be unacceptable to our partners, after all, it has always been unacceptable to us.

The tragic irony is that all of these “protective layers” have instead managed to keep us shut out and closed off to the very thing we most long for: deep love and intimate connection. Simply put, our fortress is divine insanity.

The love and connection we crave, may only be had by a completely open heart.

Until we are willing to begin peeling away our layers in and out of the bedroom, and allowing ourselves to be seen, we will not be able to get a taste of “Soul Fucking.”

This is where a shitload of courage comes into play.

“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” ~ Joseph Campbell

The letting go continuum…

First, we must accept the uncomfortable nature of being real, raw and exposed and be willing to see that discomfort for what it truly is: our portal to bliss.

There is no tolerance here for censorship or self-conscious chitchat. There can be no lingering concern over how our fat rolls appear, how our last boyfriend did that nipple thingy way better, how our primal moans sound to our partner, or thoughts about what we’ll have later for dinner.

We must be 200 percent present, focused, engaged, vulnerable, trusting, self-aware without being self-conscious and most of all fucking fearless.

Then, our bodies can become the vehicle we use to transmit this vibrant, pulsating, electrical current of raw bliss, sparking and igniting the neural pathways of our universe, the only universe that matters in that moment. And if we’re truly letting go, we will be in such an elevated and altered state that mind chatter will have nowhere to propagate. The ego will have to surrender; we will have discovered “the space between.”

This is very fertile ground.

It’s a lofty goal for most of us to get to a place where mind chatter completely shuts down and our outer layers have been peeled.

We are all, at best, “bodhisattvas in training“; this is a process and a practice and when we find a partner who is also devoted to their quest for awakened consciousness, then together, we can commit to this practice and chip away at it. Little by little, the intensity, openness, spiritual nature and energetic connection we feel will expand and heighten.

The good news: homework is a ton of fun here.

Besides doing our “awakened consciousness homework” outside of the bedroom, there are a few things we can try during sex to help facilitate the letting go process.

When our pesky monkey mind comes a knockin’ with distracting thoughts, try a simple, brief mantra that resonates. I like the question: “Is it true?” which comes from Byron Katie’s work. It instantly weakens the charged thought and makes us question its accuracy.

Practice holding eye contact with our partner and pushing it well past our usual comfort zone.

Synchronizing our breath either in harmony or in a catch and release fashion: I inhale his exhale; he inhales mine.

Set the stage appropriately considering: location, lighting, time of day, music (or not), candles, etc., anything that is mutually desired and conducive to intimacy.

Be honest and communicative—what feels good, what doesn’t, what’s something new we would we like to try?

Most of all, we must lighten up and give ourselves the freedom to be human and flawed. We are not always going to get it just right; we will have awkward, fumbling and ungraceful moments.

We will release pussy farts and anal ones as well, we will laugh at the “wrong” time, cry at the “wrong” time, talk too much, talk too little, make weird lustful sounds, drip and drag fluids everywhere, and do all kinds of other things that have to be absolutely 100% okay.

It is a decision to make whether or not we want to experience this level of deep intimacy with our partners, and if that is our decision, then we must choose to commit to the practice and give it our best shot. With openness, honesty and trust we can certainly expect the “Soul Fucking” is well within our reach. ~

~Debra Faith Warshaw

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/06/soul-fing-a-how-to-debra-faith-warshaw-adult/

Choose a Man who will Serve your Soul~

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“Your openness draws your man into you more deeply, and you feel him more fully inside of your heart. He relaxes his fears and enters you with more love, and you relax your fears and receive him more fully. Eventually, you both surrender so completely that there is no guarding or holding back at all. Sex becomes unbounded love.” ~ David Deida

You are awoken in a way that no longer draws an ordinary man. Wise woman, wild woman, ancient muse of artists and poets, you crave a partner who can discern your siren call.

You’ve been the shadow that’s slipped past him on moonlit walks, when he’s been searching his heart. He’s reached out to grasp you but the time was never right.

Like a wisp of wind, you’ve eluded him on his journey toward enlightenment.

Perhaps he was not ready, perhaps you weren’t either, while you’ve been soaking your bones in mystery and reading sacred texts, he’s also been feeding his mind with poetry and prose. Perhaps while you’ve been listening to the whispers of forest spirits and leaning against wise old trees, he’s been a step or two behind you, aching for the sound of your steps on the sodden moss.

Wild woman, spiritual seeker, choose a man who will feed your soul.

You have seen him in the cards, he’s illusive but he’s real. He’s a challenge, he’s unafraid to speak his mind. He’s a man who knows his path.

You need a man whose strength is in more than his hands. You need a man whose character makes your heart pound, your body lose control.

He’s the kind of man who will drink your essence but who won’t worship you, because he knows how real you need to be. He’ll admire your fire, he’ll melt at your touch—he’ll enter your soul through your eyes.

He’ll understand your independence, the many times you’ll leave his side. He’ll follow if you ask him but keep his dreams his own. He’ll tie you down only when you ask it, and then, he’ll do it well. A man who feeds your soul can feed your body as well.

He admires your solitude, he is turned on by your mind, he lives for your next breath of wisdom—wild woman—you’re everything he’s been looking for.

The books on your shelf, the incense in the air, the card splayed to tell his future, the chanting from your meditation room—all sacred food for him.

Choose a man who understands walks under the heavy, magical moon. One who will take your hand and trod through silently falling snow. One who talks to the stars and for whom the planets turn.

Choose a man whose smile will drop you to your knees. One whose mouth burns at the back of your neck and the bottom of your spine. One whose love leaves no question about its intentions—he’s knows that you’re the one.

Choose a man who’s not afraid of his sexuality or yours. He’ll crave what you cradle in between your hips, his tongue like honey and his manhood rising to meet your lust. While you croon a love song, while you drift across his lips, he’ll bring you to an ecstasy of ocean waves crashing to the shore.

Give him everything, mystic woman. Pour him some pomegranate wine. Give him a drink of forbidden fantasies, let him know you in your darkest form.

A man who feeds your soul craves you raw. A man who feeds your soul walks with the raven as his guide. He is at home in this world and the one in between, that place where spirits gather and everything is known. Let him feed you with his magic, the words only he can speak, the deep, rich timber of his voice caressing your ears while you lie stretched naked in his arms.

He won’t run. No matter what you reveal. Even if you say that dragons or unicorns or wicked spirits visit your nighttime dreams. Even if you utter words that only witches learned. Even if you tell him that once your body burned on a pyre of hatred and fear. Choose a man who will serve your soul. Who knows that you are the universe, the sea at midnight, the plaintive sound inside a seashell and the whir of hummingbird’s wings at dawn.

He knows that you are solitude. That at times you are a destructive wind. That sometimes you are the frozen tundra and sometimes the heat of a dessert isle. Sometimes he is those things too, and why he gets you and still stays.

So lay down your defenses. Put your sword in its safe place, drop that shield. He’s not going to hurt you, and if he does, it will be okay. You’ll understand each others weaknesses. Wild woman, let him in.

Choose a man who’ll serve your soul.

~Monika Carless

http://www.elephantjournal.com/…/choose-a-man-who-will-ser…/

https://www.facebook.com/MonikaCarlessAuthor/