To Love a Serious Girl~~

 

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To Love a Serious Girl~~
(Warning: naughty language ahead!)

She ain’t casual.

She’s serious in the fanciest of ways.

She means every word she says as she prays.

She ain’t a liar, the opposite in fact.

She’s a truth sayer, a lie slayer.

She’ll find a way in, because love always does.

She’ll break you on purpose.

It’s okay to be nervous.

Her only demand?

Honesty without command.

She’ll fuck you with her questions

until,

you cum with the answers you didn’t know you had.

She’s complicated, she’s always been.

You’ll never unravel her.

Don’t try, you can’t win.

She’s smart, not to be confused with sly.

Live twisted in her mystery until the day you die.

Don’t take her to happy hour,

unless you want to be there till closing.

Happy hour was created for those other girls—

The girls who look like women

and the women who act like girls and seem frozen.

She’s neither of those.

You’ll know it immediately too,

if she’ll look at you.

It’s in her eyes.

They’ll conquer you.

She’ll seem shy.

She’s not, just careful.

She knows what she’s capable of—

So, if she looks at you,

She chooses you.

Be grateful.

You’ll feel sexy.

Sexier than you’ve ever felt,

Cause you just saw yourself in those eyes,

you melt.

It’s hard to look away after that.

Virginity you thought you lost, way back.

She’ll swallow you, like the whale to Jonah.

You’ll disappear as if she owns ya.

Your cock, your mind, your heart—

it will seem

You’re safer than you’ve ever been.

She’ll spit you out whole in the end.

No need to be afraid,

she isn’t,

Of any of it cause she’s already lived it.

Like she’s been inside you too.

To love a serious girl is what you need.

A muse she is indeed.

She’ll ravage you with inspiration.

Her passion is suffocatin’.

You’ll gasp for understandin’ for the rest of your life,

Cause you know—

The casual ones don’t compare,

not to her and that stare.

She ain’t them, they ain’t her

And boy,

you seriously ain’t nothin’ without her.

~ Rebecca Lammersen


http://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/01/to-love-a-serious-girl-poem/

Balance~

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Everything in life needs balance.

Light ~ dark, good ~ evil, up ~ down, masculine ~ feminine. We cannot have one without the other. One does not exist were it not for the creation of the opposite action. How do we truly know something is evil if we have not experienced good. How do we know a room is dark if we have not experienced light.

Even our emotions need balance. One cannot experience sadness if you haven’t truly felt happiness and bliss first. As individuals ourselves we also need balance. No matter what ‘gender’ you are you still need both the divine feminine and the sacred masculine within you. Duality is key. The feminine is creative and fluid and emotive. The masculine is analytical and logical and strong.

We need both aspects to be whole. Our masculine energy helps us to stop being so scattered, our feminine energy help us to feel safe and nurtured. The masculine side will give you the purpose to do something, yet the feminine side will determine HOW you do it. Two sides of one coin, two halves to one whole.

Get in touch with all aspects of yourself. The masculine and feminine, the light and shadow, the good and the bad. So you can be a complete soul, yin and yang.

~ Amanda Moloney

Emotional Intelligence and Intimacy~

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Emotional Intelligence and Intimacy~

Intimacy is often times mistaken for physical closeness: hugging, cuddling, kissing, sex. However, if there is no emotional intimacy, as in emotional relating and a feeling of safety in a relationship, then physical intimacy can only go that far.

For many people, physical intimacy comes easier than emotional intimacy. For others it is the other way around. Often times people avoid emotional intimacy by focusing on physical intimacy, using sex to buffer up their vulnerability. But in order to truly open up to a partner and go deep, we need to feel safe and be able to share emotional intimacy, our fears, mistakes, and pains and receive each other with compassion and empathy.

In order to be emotional intimate with a partner we need to be able to be intimate with ourselves, feeling our vulnerability without judgment and developing healthy self-love. If we are not comfortable with our own vulnerability, we cannot receive the vulnerability of another person fully and emotional intimacy is blocked. No matter how hot the sex and how great physical intimacy is, if we don’t develop or have emotional intimacy and the safety to express ourselves that way, a relationship can go only so far.

We need safety and healthy boundaries in order to establish intimacy on all levels. This safety is more than just feeling “secure” and boundaries don’t mean rejection or avoidance. It is about taking care of ourselves. Our body gives us constantly clues about what is safe for us and what not. The more we are in touch with our bodies, the more we can receive these messages which also puts us in touch with our vulnerability. It’s important to listen to these bodily sensations which go deeper than just sexual feelings. Most often they are buried under layers of “armor”. It’s easy to rationalize these deeper sensations away, judging ourselves for not opening up when it doesn’t feel safe. Don’t listen to the mind, trust your body and don’t judge yourself for however you feel.

Emotional intimacy goes hand in hand with trust, knowing that we can be completely ourselves with all our vulnerability and always be received with compassion and empathy in a safe container by a partner. But before we can receive another person like that ourselves, or even express ourselves that way, we must be able to to be compassionate with ourselves and love ourselves, the dark and light, neither inflating or diminishing ourselves.

Otherwise we will keep looking for the illusory partner, who never comes and whom we want to be a certain way, when in fact this is what we need to give to ourselves first. Sometimes we’re looking for a “savior” in a partner unconsciously but it is a projection of what we have denied or avoided to give ourselves: healthy self-love, vulnerability and inner safety. Before we can develop deeper trust with a partner, we need to be able to trust ourselves and the deeper clues our bodies are giving us.

Living in a world with ever increasing technology and computerization we have become more and more disconnected from our bodies. We stare at a computer screen more than ever before, professionally or at home. We are glued to our smartphones. Children spend more time on play-stations, TV, and computers than playing outside. We have become desensitized and are not aware of how we hold and carry ourselves and how every day life affects our bodies and overall health.

Most of us are so out of touch with our bodies that we don’t even sense these messages which could help us to make wiser decisions and choices. Our rational mind tends to over-ride the more subtle impressions of the body, the gut feeling, and the energetic clues that are perceived by the body. We may sense some tension in our bodies when something or someone feels off but tend to ignore it, getting stuck in our head and our thoughts. Mainstream education doesn’t teach us about body awareness and how to listen to our intuition and gut-feelings. We reward intellectual intelligence but have forgotten emotional intelligence and the intelligence of the body.

There are many ways to get in touch with our bodies (Bodywork, Yoga, Dance, Qi Gong, Tai Qi, to name a few…) in order to increase self-awareness and sensitivity to the energetic clues of our environment as well as release energy blocks, stress and trauma that is manifested in our bodies from our past and through daily living. A healthy body-mind is the foundation for good health and relationships: physical, emotional, and mental.

“Take care of your body with steadfast fidelity. The soul must see through these eyes alone, and if they are dim, the whole world is clouded.”
~ Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

~ Bernhard Guenther

http://wakeup-world.com/…/emotional-intelligence-and-intim…/

art: Mauro Colombo

Returning to Wholeness~

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Divine Feminine/ Earthly Mother ~ Returning to Wholeness~~

The Divine Feminine is represented in many things. It is the energy on earth known as the teacher, the inspirer, the place where things are born into creation, the receptive and intuitive place within, the earth. The Divine Feminine is not whole without the Divine Masculine, as the Divine Masculine is not whole without the Divine Feminine. We can see this teaching by looking at our bodies, our bodies which are direct and individual representations of the earthly mother. The matter which is the earthly mother awaits the infusion of the Heavenly Father, as the Heavenly Father awaits the inspiration of the earthly mother.

When one infuses the other there is creation. This teaching can be seen at so many levels. I will give you some examples, but this writing is only to inspire you, so that you can then go and look for this in nature, in life, in everything. Let us use the human body as our first representation of the divine feminine/earthly mother. The human body is made of the earth, it is made of matter. But it is not a creation until it is infused with spirit, with action, with the divine masculine. When one unites with the other, it becomes whole. Now let’s see this from another perspective, the human body as Divine Feminine, is not whole and healthy unless one takes action (the Divine Masculine) upon it. The body is waiting and receptive to action.

When we can infuse and feed the body with right action, the purest form of Divine Masculine, which can be exercise, organic foods, pure water, natural settings, the earthly mother that is your body thrives because it has been infused with its other half, and therefore is seen in its wholeness. Now we can take this to a micro level within the body. The egg, waiting and receptive, to the action and infusion from the sperm. Without one or the other there is no creation. The mother is our teacher, truly. She is where we find all Truth, the truth of nature, the truth of creation. In nature we will find the answers to how to live our lives. We cannot rely on the tainted perceptions of old teachings that have been warped with personal agenda. Instead we must look to our true mother. She is found in all of nature, for nature is the most pure and untainted form of creation, this is where we can find teachings of balance and Truth. She is here to inspire us, and it is our job to be inspired and take her teachings and put them into action. When this happens true creation comes from this wholeness.

As we can see, the divine feminine, earthly mother has been rejected and repressed for a while. It is our duty as evolving human beings to start to look to her, in every aspect of creation to teach us things and inspire us. In nature, in earth, in intuition, in women. This is where creation has been rejected and that is why there has been an imbalance. But things are shifting, and the earthly mother is no longer willing to be ignored. She wants to be loved, accepted, treated with respect and honor. I feel this desire even within my own self, being a physical representation of her my self, her energy is bubbling to the surface, and by writing I am taking action to birth her teaching into creation.

I will continue to write about these things and how they are represented in different aspects of life so that we may all learn from her and learn how to utilize these energies to create. There is so much to be said and it is so hard to put into words. We must learn to be silent, and receptive like her, to gain her teachings.

Where is the divine feminine in your life waiting to be infused with the divine masculine? What is waiting and receptive, full of inspiration, that needs to be made whole with action and energy? This is not a teaching on just the divine feminine, but on become whole within ourselves again. When this happens we can then become whole in our relationships, families, communities, and eventually globally. But first, start with your Self.

~Courtney Marie Schmidt

art: Andrew Gonzalez

This Time I Want it All~

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“It isn’t about diamonds, fuck the flowers, all she wants is someone to keep her bed warm every night and touch her like it’s agony not too.” ~ J.Rose

I’ve never had someone give me their all~ but this time that is all I will accept.

The thing that I’ve realized is that I’ve never been with someone who has made me one of their priorities ~ and in that process I have poured 200% of myself into the relationship trying to make up for it.

But the actuality is that it never worked. Because one person can’t make up for the emotional or physical distance of another ~ no matter how hard we might try.

The reality is that I accepted less because at the time that was all I thought I was worthy of.

I thought that it was acceptable to be in a marriage where I did everything and got nothing in return.

I believed that it was normal to have men want to fuck me, but not want to give their hearts to me.

In the end, none of these relationships was the fault of my partner at the time ~ it was mine.

I doubted myself and my worthiness of love.

The truth that I realized, long after the fact, was that I didn’t fully love myself ~ and so, I never expected someone else to.

I was 50/50 with my own soul ~ so it seemed only natural to pick of pieces and breadcrumbs from those who tossed their meager offerings my way.

But I never felt truly satisfied ~ even when I felt the transparent shower of happiness from these shallow interactions.

It wasn’t until I was left alone with myself that I realized I was trying to seek outside validation of my own worth from these men.

I was relying on them to make me happy, to make me feel interesting and even depending upon them for the acceptance that I was physically attractive.

I needed to be left alone to realize that everything that I was seeking from others was precisely what I needed to discover within my own heart.

It took a long time to fall in love with myself ~ and to be at a point where I don’t feel the need to apologize for it anymore.
But now, not only do I know who I am and what I want ~ I also know what I deserve.

And this time ~ I want it all

Kate Rose

Love’s Deeper Commitment~

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Let’s not commit to a future together. The future is so unknown, and we are so fluid, and tired of pretending that we know.
Our thoughts and feelings are ever-changing, uncontrollable, like a wild ocean of love.
Our desires wax and wane; our dreams are born and die in every moment.
Let’s not commit to a form of love. The forms are always shifting, like the tides.
We do not need security here. We are not seeking comfort, but Truth.
Let’s make a deeper commitment; one that cannot be broken or lost.
To presence. To meeting in the here-and-now.
To bringing all of ourselves. To knowing, and letting ourselves be known.
To telling the truth, today; knowing that our truth may change tomorrow.
To bowing before each other, even if our hearts are broken and tender.
No promises, no guarantees.
Loving takes courage! Yes!
For love is a field, not a form. Let us commit to the field, remember the field in every moment of our precious days on this Earth.
In ten years’ time, we may still be together. We may have children. We may live together, or live apart.
We may never see each other again. This may be our last day.
If we are honest, we really do not know; not knowing is our Home.
We may be friends, or lovers, or strangers, or family, or we may remain undefined, beyond narrative, our love unable to be captured in words.
Here at the edge of the known, on the line that once divided sanity from madness, and doubt from certainty, we play, we dance, we drink tea, we touch each other, we cry, we laugh, we meet.
We sacrifice comfort and predictability. But what we gain is astonishing: This tremendous sense of being alive. No longer numb to the mysteries of love, the mysteries of our bodies.
A little raw, perhaps. A little shaky. Maybe a little disoriented, but perhaps this is the price of being totally free.
Maybe an old part of us still seeks mommy or daddy, that Magic Person who will never leave, always be there, take away the loneliness repressed in our guts. Loving that frightened part too; bowing to that part too, but no longer being controlled by it.
And they will ask:
What about your future?
What happens if you have children?
How the hell do you define yourselves?
Why are you afraid of commitment?
Why do you run from security? Comfort? Future?
They will say you are crazy, or you don’t understand love, or you are lost, or you are unloving and selfish, and you will smile, and understand their fear, for their fear was once yours, and you cannot abandon your path now.
And nobody has to walk with you. Ever.
At some point, only Truth will satisfy. A living Truth, renewing itself each and every moment, the wild Truth of the open heart.
When Love and Truth are One, when the Commitment is deeply rooted in the breath, we can finally face each other without resentment, and explode into the most melancholy sunsets, held in the most profound joy.
Walking alone, together, alone.

 

Holding Space for Someone~

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What does it mean to hold space for someone else? It means that we are willing to walk alongside another person in whatever journey they’re on without judging them, making them feel inadequate, trying to fix them, or trying to impact the outcome. When we hold space for other people, we open our hearts, offer unconditional support, and let go of judgement and control.

Sometimes we find ourselves holding space for people while they hold space for others. It’s virtually impossible to be a strong space holder unless we have others who will hold space for us. Even the strongest leaders, coaches, nurses, etc., need to know that there are some people with whom they can be vulnerable and weak without fear of being judged.

To truly support people in their own growth, transformation, grief, etc., we can’t do it by taking their power away (ie. trying to fix their problems), shaming them (ie. implying that they should know more than they do), or overwhelming them (ie. giving them more information than they’re ready for). We have to be prepared to step to the side so that they can make their own choices, offer them unconditional love and support, give gentle guidance when it’s needed, and make them feel safe even when they make mistakes.

Holding space is not something that’s exclusive to facilitators, coaches, or palliative care nurses. It is something that ALL of us can do for each other – for our partners, children, friends, neighbours, and even strangers who strike up conversations as we’re riding the bus to work.

~Give people permission to trust their own intuition and wisdom.
Give people only as much information as they can handle. Ann gave us some simple instructions and left us with a few handouts, but did not overwhelm us with far more than we could process in our tender time of grief. Too much information would have left us feeling incompetent and unworthy.

~Don’t take their power away. When we take decision-making power out of people’s hands, we leave them feeling useless and incompetent. There may be some times when we need to step in and make hard decisions for other people (ie. when they’re dealing with an addiction and an intervention feels like the only thing that will save them), but in almost every other case, people need the autonomy to make their own choices (even our children).

~Keep your own ego out of it. This is a big one. We all get caught in that trap now and then – when we begin to believe that someone else’s success is dependent on our intervention, or when we think that their failure reflects poorly on us, or when we’re convinced that whatever emotions they choose to unload on us are about us instead of them.

~Make them feel safe enough to fail. When people are learning, growing, or going through grief or transition, they are bound to make some mistakes along the way. When we, as their space holders, withhold judgement and shame, we offer them the opportunity to reach inside themselves to find the courage to take risks and the resilience to keep going even when they fail. When we let them know that failure is simply a part of the journey and not the end of the world, they’ll spend less time beating themselves up for it and more time learning from their mistakes.

~Give guidance and help with humility and thoughtfulness. A wise space holder knows when to withhold guidance (ie. when it makes a person feel foolish and inadequate) and when to offer it gently (ie. when a person asks for it or is too lost to know what to ask for). Recognizing the areas in which they feel most vulnerable and incapable and offering the right kind of help without shaming them takes practice and humility.

~Create a container for complex emotions, fear, trauma, etc. When people feel that they are held in a deeper way than they are used to, they feel safe enough to allow complex emotions to surface that might normally remain hidden. Someone who is practiced at holding space knows that this can happen and will be prepared to hold it in a gentle, supportive, and nonjudgmental way.

~Allow them to make different decisions and to have different experiences than you would. Holding space is about respecting each person’s differences and recognizing that those differences may lead to them making choices that we would not make. Sometimes, for example, they make choices based on cultural norms that we can’t understand from within our own experience. When we hold space, we release control and we honour differences. Holding space is not something that we can master overnight, or that can be adequately addressed in a list of tips like the ones I’ve just given. It’s a complex practice that evolves as we practice it, and it is unique to each person and each situation.

Excerpts from: http://heatherplett.com/2015/03/hold-space/

art: http://uneflaneuse.deviantart.com/…/Mater-T-Pater-U-3764212…

Saving a Relationship~

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What Actually Saves a Relationship ~
Times are changing and marriage is no longer the rule of a happy family. It’s easier to explore our sexuality than it used to be, and marriage can seem like a boring choice in comparison.

Polyamorous and open relationships have become more mainstream and women are checking out what it means to be an ethical slut; unmarried couples are living together in bliss and nobody cares.

The internet is busting at its seams with sex blogs and every imaginable kind of pornography. Marriage has also been changing its face for some years now. Since being gay is barely a thing anymore (from many people’s viewpoints at least), same-sex couples (or those with any gender identity or preference) can finally get married nationwide.

Oh, the many forms of lovers!

There is a reason for it all and it’s something that surpasses just satisfying loneliness and getting your rocks off with someone else on the regular. No matter who we are or what type of relationship we are in, the main reason we enter into a relationship with another is to create opportunities for personal growth.

But growth is more than just discovering yoga together or sticking with each other as you quit smoking. It is more than the security, familiarity, and sense of safety your provide one another.

The real and best opportunities for growth are those times in your relationship when you just can’t stand each other.

Often when a relationship enters into a rough patch, we quickly label it as “something going wrong.”

We all know the feeling—it feels like your fate as a couple is hanging in some precarious balance, and every fight might mean the demise. Something is “wrong” in the relationship, and you need to “fix” it.

The truth is, your relationship is still working when things are not easy.

Nothing is actually going wrong. Coming into friction is a necessary and essential part of relationships; it is where you can actually grow the most. The only thing that is wrong is the way that we handle these tough times of feeling at odds with one another.

What do we do in these times?

We get into fights.

As soon as you are in a fight with your loved one, you have already ceased to to be a unit. A fight is a battle between egos, separate identities trying to prove their rightness. Just stop for a moment and think how crazy that really is.

When we are in a romantic relationship with someone, our energies are joined and we are on the same side!

That doesn’t mean you have to hold the same beliefs, opinions, or perspectives as their partner, but it does mean that fighting with each other totally negates the point of the relationship.

Deep down we know this, which is why fighting with the one you love feels so freaking terrible.

So why do we continue to do it?

We do it to avoid our own growth.

We don’t see that in the moment because when we fight, we’re usually trying to get our partner to see where they need to grow up, while they are trying to do the same to us. It’s like two cars ramming into each other over and over again to try to make the other one drive forwards.

It’s totally impossible.

But that is essentially what a fight is: it is an impossible method to try and help each other make progress.

The only way progress will really be made is if both people take a hefty spoonful of humility and really listen to what their partner is saying. It seems so obvious, but people don’t do it because deep down inside they know that their partner is probably right about the issue on some level. Both people have a really important insight for the other person that—if taken in and heard—could really create some growth.

True growth means facing our own dark shadow self…you know, the one that your partner sees so clearly and will point out to you mercilessly while fighting? This is the “Numero Uno” reason relationships fall apart, and also, dare I say, the reason people serial date these days. It isn’t so much that we are terrified of being seen, it’s that we are terrified of seeing ourselves.

How convenient that we’ve embraced technology that allows us to jump ship at the click of the button, as soon as the waves start getting choppy.

It’s a typical pattern.

Two people meet and fall in love with each other’s best selves and cute endearing quirks. You fall in love with the way you make each other feel, the way you fit together, the way you harmonize.

The angels are singing.

But as time goes on, you start seeing some ugly stuff that you would rather not see in your partner. They supposedly start seeing ugly stuff in you too. You both start fighting as you call each other out on your shit.

You both deny that you have shit, and also make sad, sorry excuses for your shit. When you occasionally have the balls to admit you have your share of shit, somehow it becomes your partner’s fault, or your mom and dad’s…conveniently, it’s almost never yours. Then you wonder why your partner can’t see what’s wrong with them and how everything that is busted in the relationship is because of them and their shit.

It’s just so obvious.

And this is the point where many couples call it quits. Because to proceed would mean both parties would have to acknowledge their own shit and not just each other’s.

Not only that, they would actually have to clean up their shit for the relationship to work.

What saves lovers isn’t love—it was their commitment to the journey together.

Relationships are living things, and they need space to breathe.

Let’s collectively let go of our fear of commitment.

Most relationships have more good than bad, so if generally you make each other happy, stick around a while and see what happens.

Don’t run when it gets hard.

The shackles that we fear could bind us may be the ones that set us free!

Excerpt from:
http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/07/what-actually-saved-the-relationship-hint-its-not-love/

Fullness of Goddesshood~

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Now she claims her full Goddess hood, and she claims all that she is, and she no longer shrinks away from the power of womanhood, but she embraces it all.  She stands there fearless, and stands firmly rooted in Mother Earth, as she is firmly rooted in the Divine Cosmos, and all that is, and will ever be, and she does not need to be validated for who and what she is!  SHE IS ALL.

Therefore, she will love fiercely, loyally, and with her whole heart, mind, soul, spirit, body and being the man who is fearless in loving her too.

 The man who is willing to love her totally, complete, and not shrink away from her power, but stands fully in his own manhood and power too.

She does not want a half-man, or an unconscious man, she wants him to be there fully conscious with her, whether he understands her or not.

Love needs not to be understood, but best felt and lived every moment with every single breath and beyond all of this, into the mystical where one has to chart new journeys and cleave open new ways of relating and being, and therefore true love.

When she stands in the fullness and glory of her own womanhood, yet open, vulnerable, authentic, real, honest, and in her higher soul love, and he in the fullness, glory, vulnerability, authenticity, realness, honesty, without masks, then they both are there in their innermost soul and the magnificence of their soul beauty, and then they can finally meet as equals, as partners, in balance and create something extraordinary together.

And finally they see that they are not in competition with each other, they are not at war, they are not pulling each other in different directions, not causing each other pain: – but they are finally realizing that their soul calling and purpose is greater than the sum total of all, and when they are  able to find each other on so many levels, that they are meant to work together in tandem, in partnership, outwards into the same direction, sharing the same vision to raise the consciousness of Being, and to work towards the greater good of all.

At last there is the freedom to create new and greater levels of love in relationships, without the one being overwhelmed by the other, but each one equally empowered and in love.  Walking in love, talking in love, partnering in love.  This does not mean that there will not be fireworks, thunder and lightning, and times when the rain washes away all at the seams: – rather that one is mature enough, to ride out the storms, and to truly harness that inner soul strength and then to find that in the end all has knitted one closer together and one finally understands the immense gift of TRUE LOVE.

She finally has come home to a deep resting place, deep inside herself.  She has lost all in the process, her work, her home, her family, her friends.  The old life has disintegrated at the very core.  Yet, she has found a deep inner belonging, a deep inner peace, a deep love, which spans all dimensions and forms.

She is realizing that happiness is something deep inside herself, and she no longer looks for it outside herself.  She knows that she is whole and complete, and therefore there is no neediness to find someone to fill up the void – for the void is no longer there.

Now she can love with a love deeper and more profoundly, for it is soul love. And she can be all whom she wishes to be and more.

And she is learning to fly high like an eagle and to soar even higher than that, into the galactic and cosmic spaces.  She knows no bounds.

And one day, he comes, her eagle, her mate, and they fly and soar and do the mating dance.  And she finds they are equally matched – and then, she flies high above him, and he below her, and she closes her wings and free-falls: – and he catches her with his wings, as she has trusted him to do.  Then they reverse the process and he free-falls and she catches him with her wings.

On total trust, respect, and a deep honoring of the soul in each other, they now mate on higher and greater levels before:  not because of all the scars, the dark nights of the soul, and all else, but rather in spite of them all, and because those battle scars where hard won and served their souls in immense ways, to finally be able to love on a far deeper and more profound level, and experience the transcendental, Universal love, of the Divine Male and the Divine Female, and ultimately the true state of bliss.

And then, one day, she stands there, on the high mountain, and she thanks Mother Earth for giving her life, for giving her this body for an eyewink in eternity and to experience life on planet earth.   She thanks the Goddess for teaching her to stand in her own power, and for reveling and dancing in her own beautiful and profound womanhood, and for giving her the opportunity to finally understand the immense gift of life in this form.

As she raises her hands to the heavens and lifts her face to the sun, waves and waves of love energies run through her and radiate out into the cosmic whole.

She has finally come home.

She.

All-that-is.

ONE.

~Judith Kusel

http://www.judithkusel.com

art: Karol Bak

Discernment in Relationships~

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DISCERNMENT in RELATIONSHIPS~~
There are very few people in the world who really understand you – your deeper nature and the deeper qualities that you have that even you have not discovered. At the surface of your mind, you might find much agreement, but at a deeper level beneath the surface of your mind, there are only a few who would be able to really recognize you.

At a deeper level, you need a profound recognition. You need a true ally, not merely a friend. You need someone who recognizes your deeper nature and responds to this naturally. You do not have to perform for these people.

As you begin to take the steps to Knowledge, to the deeper intelligence… within you, your criteria for relationships will change. You will seek clarity and honesty. You will look for deeper values. You will look for more permanent values. You will look for greater integrity within people, greater sincerity, more substantial values.

Of course, this will rule out many people, even if they are very pleasant and very nice in a social sense. If they do not have this greater capacity within themselves or have not discovered this for themselves, well, then there will be no place for you to connect with them. You can understand them at the level of their circumstances or their personality; you might admire their appearance or their charms or their unique abilities, but the deeper connection will not be there. They are living at the surface, and you have gone beneath the surface.

You cannot wait for them or try to educate or enlighten them, for this will not be productive. You have to seek for people who are ready, willing and able to connect with you at this deeper level. If you try to improve someone else or bring them to this greater state of recognition, you will be wasting your time, which is precious and should not be wasted.

What you are really looking for here is Knowledge in others. You are no longer swayed by beauty, wealth and charm as you might have been before. Now you are listening for a deeper quality, a deeper spirituality, a deeper awareness. And surprisingly perhaps to you, you will not find it in many people.

You are looking for the evidence of Spirit in another, not just a conversation about Spirit, not just a liveliness in their personality. You are looking for something deeper in them because perhaps you have reached the point now where you are looking for something deeper in yourself, and you see that wittiness, charm, beauty and extravagance or even shared ideas, hobbies and so forth really is not it.

You are surprised you find there are very few people who seem to have this deeper quality that you can discern and that Knowledge within you really does not respond to many people at all. And you feel alone, and you wonder if there really is anyone else.

Here you have to be willing to be alone if you are to have this level of integrity within yourself. Here you have to be true to Knowledge. If Knowledge is not responding, you do not need to respond. You can be friendly, you can be courteous – that is valuable – but you must be reserved.

If there is nothing there, there is nothing there. And if you realize there is no value and there is only unfortunate consequence in amplifying the attractive features of a person at the surface of their existence, then you will have to face the reality that there are but a few that you can deeply connect with.

This will keep you from filling up your life with people and activities and involvements that really do not have anything important to offer and do not represent any serious or meaningful engagement for you. Here it is better to be largely alone than to have your life filled with people and engagements that have nothing to do with your greater purpose and destiny in the world.

Relationships take time. Serious relationships take a great deal of time. So many people are losing their lives, their time and their energy involved in relationships that have no greater capacity or greater destiny for them. Because they do not want to be alone, they are afraid that the person or the persons they are looking for truly may never arrive, so they will say to themselves, “Well, this relationship is not perfect, but if I wait, there may be nothing better for me.”

Beyond your need to go to work and to earn a living and to build your education for opportunities in the world, there is this greater destiny you have with certain people, and that is really what you are looking for.

But you must be patient. You must see that there is an appropriateness to when people appear in your life. Timing is very important.

Many people think they are ready for true partnership, but they do not know what it is for, and perhaps they are armoured against this realization. So if they met the right person, they would not be ready to participate with them, and this would produce a great and profound conflict.

You must be ready for a greater relationship. You must know where you are going. You must have a deeper sense of your purpose and destiny, even if it is not fully defined yet. It must be real and strong for you. You must be willing not to give yourself to other attractions. You must know enough not to give yourself to other seductions.

Part of your education here is really learning what does not work. It is more a process of elimination. As long as you are drawn by beauty, wealth, and charm, you do not yet have the discernment to see what is really meaningful and important. If you have never really felt a deep connection with another, do not think it is not possible and meant for you.

You have to have a sound relationship with your mind and your body. You have to develop your health. You have to develop your Pillar of Work. You have so many things to do now to build your foundation in life. You have the Steps to Knowledge to take to build your connection with Knowledge. No one should be pining away for a relationship when they have all of this work to do to build their foundation.

A relationship cannot take the place of this, ever. You cannot be waiting for someone to give you all the meaning and value of your life. For if you do not have this foundation, you will not be able to participate with them. You will not have the strength, the courage or the self-honesty to be able to participate with someone in a greater way. It will only be a relationship of convenience, a relationship of advantage, a relationship of attachment, a relationship filled with fantasies and expectations that will fail in the face of a real life.

People are attracted and then disappointed, constantly. They are not finding what they are really looking for in one another because they are not looking for the right things. They have not built the patience and the clarity and the discernment within themselves to really know what this means.

Discernment in relationships is very significant, for you can give your life away so very easily. It can be so easy to get involved and so difficult to free yourself later.

There are many seductions and many traps. They will teach you the consequences of choosing wrongly, of being attracted by meaningless things, of being seduced by others, by being trapped in relationships, held in place by someone else, unable to extricate themselves, sold on a relationship because there is nothing better or there is something there you want—financial security, beauty and charm, shared interests.

But none of these things really constitute a real connection with another. None of them speaks of a greater purpose and destiny in life. They are all momentary attractions, and if you commit yourself to momentary attractions, time will be very disappointing to you.

So you must have the strength, the faith and the confidence to wait, to look and listen. Do not shut people out. Really listen to them. Listen for Knowledge within yourself as you listen to them. If Knowledge is not responding beyond simple courtesy, you do not need to respond, nor should you.

Do not give yourself away to anyone until you have built this deeper foundation within yourself. Do not let impatience or compulsion drive you. Do not let the persuasions of others or the power of seduction drive you.

Take your time. Do not hurry into any relationship. Listen to others carefully, to hear what their presence in your life means, if it means anything at all.

If you are patient and observant, you will know. If you are reckless and compulsive, your life will be calamitous, and you will have a string of failed relationships or be circumscribed in an unhappy marriage or other arrangements with people.

The longer you are in a relationship that does not have this greater promise, the harder it will be to free yourself, for you will become dependent upon security and familiarity. You will need the person more than really want to be with them. And this is a dreadful trap, dreadful to the Spirit, dreadful in that it pre-empts you from finding your greater purpose and the individuals who will make all the difference in your discovery and expression of this purpose.

The right person is the right person. Now you must discern if they are ready for this and if you are ready for this. Then you must learn of their traits and their values to see if there is sufficient compatibility between you, to allow a relationship to be formed and sustained.

You may have a greater destiny, but that does not mean that you can function successfully together. You will have to wait and see. If you value your life, you will not want to give it away. You will not want to gamble it. You have nothing to lose by taking time to see. If this is really the person for you, they are not going to go away. You can afford to take time.

For a relationship to function in the world, it must have a sufficient degree of compatibility. That does not mean you are completely the same, of course not. But you must have compatibility regarding your values, regarding your lifestyle, regarding your use of money, regarding how you look at work, regarding, really, the Four Pillars of your life.

Here you cannot rehabilitate anyone, for they are either ready or they are not. They are either right or they are not. The relationship is going to work or it does not.

All this work that people do on their relationships is foolishness. It means the relationship does not work, and they are to keep trying to make it work, and they invest time and money and energy and sometimes a whole life into trying to make something work that really just does not work. They have no idea that if the relationship worked, they would not have to invest this kind of time. Yes, there are corrections and learning to be done and being together. But if you are always working on a relationship, it does not work. Spare yourself this fundamental lesson in life that can occupy so much of your life to learn.

Knowledge will know. But then you must find out the particulars of a person’s life to see if you can communicate, if you can share your values, if you can be together harmoniously.

Sometimes people are attracted to people very different from themselves, but these relationships are almost never successful. They require too much adjustment, too much conflict, too much disparity and too much personal adjustment.

If you are with someone whose values are very different from yours, you will never be comfortable with them, and your being together will never be smooth and easy.

This is not about falling in love. You can fall in love with someone you can never be in a relationship with. So infatuation or even recognition does not mean a relationship. This is another great lesson of life.

Perhaps you will fall in love with many people over the course of your life, but you cannot marry them all. Some are personality infatuations. Some represent relationships from the ancient past that you are now re-experiencing and want to experience again. And some represent real connections that could not be brought into being because the people were not ready or mature enough to participate effectively together. In the moment, you will not know what is what. So be careful about letting yourself become so infatuated with anyone.

Do not want and try to be in love. That is blind and foolish. There are many people who could excite the deeper passions of the heart with whom you could never function together.

People fall in love and get married without any idea of what they are doing in their lives or where they are going. They just assume if you are in love you should be married. It is a great mistake. You might feel spontaneous love for someone, but do not let yourself go overboard with that.

In relationship, you are choosing your primary influence. You are assigning the person to be your chief influence, your chief advisor. It is a practical arrangement, not just an emotional one.

Do not think if you work hard enough, if you love enough, you will make it all work. This is foolishness. You will have to work at relationship, certainly, to a degree. You will have to adapt, certainly, to a degree. You will have to relinquish some of your personal freedoms and recklessness to be in a real relationship, of course. You will have to be attentive. You will have to be honest. You will have to be engaged. But people take this to mean that they can make a relationship work with someone whom they want for themselves, and this is a cruel error.

If you feel like you are going to fall in love with someone, hold yourself back, keep your eyes open. This is a very important learning and very necessary for you to become mature and wise.

To be swept along by impressions and infatuations, to allow yourself to be seduced by others, to be overtaken by beauty, wealth or charm is such a form of self-betrayal. It is such a dangerous involvement. It has such profoundly difficult and unfortunate consequences.

You have to be very careful here. Who you associate with and how you associate with them has all the bearing for your life and the kind of life you have and the opportunities you have.

Likewise, do not become sexually engaged with anyone unless it represents a real partnership for you, for sexuality is a commitment by its very nature. You may think of it as a casual involvement, but emotionally it is never casual. Your relationship will never be the same. And if it cannot fulfill itself at a greater level, it will be disappointing, and that will generate resentment and failed expectations, disappointment.

Sexuality is wonderful with the right person and damaging with the wrong person. Never treat this lightly. Never think of this as a casual, recreational kind of involvement. To your body it is the real thing. To your emotions it is serious because it is consequential.

Here you may have to hold yourself back and learn to restrain yourself, or you will give yourself away recklessly, hopelessly and cause great damage. And as a result, you will never know what is really true within yourself.

People use each other so thoughtlessly in this regard and give themselves away so thoughtlessly in this regard. Particularly in the more free nations, the democratic nations, people have such access to each other that they can indulge themselves at great damage to themselves and to other people—damaging their own integrity and the integrity of another, playing with the affections of another, pretending to be serious when in fact they have no real intentions here. Do not play these games with yourself or with others, for they produce nothing but harm.

You will see through disappointment here that you really do have deeper intentions regarding relationships. You have a more serious intention here. And what is that? And what does that mean? What does that require? And what are you really looking for in another? And are you yourself ready to be in a relationship of a greater nature or are you only pretending and flirting?

People commit themselves before they are ready. They get married before they are ready. They give their life away before they even know what their life is for, where it is going or what it really means. This happens all the time.

Take your time. Look and listen to another.

People will tell you all about themselves right away: their behaviour, their intentions, their self-honesty, their interests, their values, their sincerity or lack of it, their self-awareness or lack of it. Do not be convinced by appearances. You must look deeper than this.

This will save your life. Later on, you will think back and say, “Oh my God, I could have married this person. Oh my God, I could have become involved with this person.” And if your life is really moving in the right direction, you will see what a calamity that would have been and how that would have used up such a great part of your life to try to get clear and to extricate yourself from that situation. And when you finally meet the people you need to meet, you will be so grateful you did not compromise before. You will be so grateful.

You take everything you are doing in life, and you ask yourself, “Fundamentally, is this what I really need to be doing?”
Every relationship, “Is this relationship helping me? Is it important for me now?” Everything! And you will have a deeper sense of it coming from Knowledge, way deep inside of you. Perhaps it will be a feeling. Perhaps it will be an image. Perhaps the answer will come a week from now. You have to keep asking and listening. You are asking for the Great Love to redeem you, to reunite you, and to put you in a position where your greater gifts can be realized and given to the world.

Only Knowledge can take you there. Knowledge can bring two people from opposite ends of the world together for a greater purpose. That is the power of the Great Love. And the Great Love is what the world needs now.”

~ Marshall V. Summers

excerpts from ‘Discernment in Relationships’