To Love a Man ~


To Love a Man ~

“If you want to change the world love a man; really love him
Choose the one whose soul calls to yours clearly who sees you; who is brave enough to be afraid
Accept his hand and guide him gently to your hearts blood
Where he can feel your warmth upon him and rest there
Look into his eyes look deep within and see what lies dormant or awake or shy or expectant there
Look into his eyes and see there his fathers and grandfathers and all the wars and madness their spirits fought in some distant land, some distant time
Look upon their pains and struggles and torments and guilt; without judgment
And let it all go
Feel into his ancestral burden
And know that what he seeks is safe refuge in you
Let him melt in your steady gaze
And know that you need not mirror that rage
Because you have a womb, a sweet, deep gateway to wash and renew old wounds

If you want to change the world love a man, really love him
Sit before him, in the full majesty of your woman in the breath of your vulnerability
In the play of your child innocence in the depths of your death
Flowering invitation, softly yielding, allowing his power as a man
To step forward towards you…and swim in the Earth’s womb, in silent knowing, together
And when he retreats…because he will…flees in fear to his cave…
Gather your grandmothers around you…envelope in their wisdoms
Hear their gentle shusshhhed whispers, calm your frightened girls’ heart
Urging you to be still…and wait patiently for his return
Sit and sing by his door, a song of remembrance, that he may be soothed, once more

If you want to change the world, love a man, really love him
Do not coax out his little boy
With guiles and wiles and seduction and trickery
Only to lure him…to a web of destruction
To a place of chaos and hatred
More terrible than any war fought by his brothers
This is not feminine this is revenge
This is the poison of the twisted lines
Of the abuse of the ages, the rape of our world
And this gives no power to woman it reduces her as she cuts off his balls
And it kills us all
And whether his mother held him or could not
Show him the true mother now
Hold him and guide him in your grace and your depth
Smouldering in the centre of the Earth’s core
Do not punish him for his wounds that you think don’t meet your needs or criteria
Cry for him sweet rivers
Bleed it all back home

If you want to change the world love a man, really love him
Love him enough to be naked and free
Love him enough to open your body and soul to the cycle of birth and of death
And thank him for the opportunity
As you dance together through the raging winds and silent woods
Be brave enough to be fragile and let him drink in the soft, heady petals of your being
Let him know he can hold you stand up and protect you
Fall back into his arms and trust him to catch you
Even if you’ve been dropped a thousand times before
Teach him how to surrender by surrendering yourself
And merge into the sweet nothing, of this worlds’ heart

If you want to change the world, love a man, really love him
Encourage him, feed him, allow him, hear him, hold him, heal him
And you, in turn, will be nourished and supported and protected
By strong arms and clear thoughts and focused arrows
Because he can, if you let him, be all that you dream

If you want to love a man, love yourself, love your father
Love your brother, your son, your ex-partner; from the first boy you kissed,
To the last one you wept over
Give thanks for the gifts; of your unravelling to this meeting
Of the one who stands before you now
And find in him the seed to all that’s new and solar
A seed that you can feed to help direct the planting
To grow a new world, together.”~

~Lauren Wilce


This Time I Want it All~


“It isn’t about diamonds, fuck the flowers, all she wants is someone to keep her bed warm every night and touch her like it’s agony not too.” ~ J.Rose

I’ve never had someone give me their all~ but this time that is all I will accept.

The thing that I’ve realized is that I’ve never been with someone who has made me one of their priorities ~ and in that process I have poured 200% of myself into the relationship trying to make up for it.

But the actuality is that it never worked. Because one person can’t make up for the emotional or physical distance of another ~ no matter how hard we might try.

The reality is that I accepted less because at the time that was all I thought I was worthy of.

I thought that it was acceptable to be in a marriage where I did everything and got nothing in return.

I believed that it was normal to have men want to fuck me, but not want to give their hearts to me.

In the end, none of these relationships was the fault of my partner at the time ~ it was mine.

I doubted myself and my worthiness of love.

The truth that I realized, long after the fact, was that I didn’t fully love myself ~ and so, I never expected someone else to.

I was 50/50 with my own soul ~ so it seemed only natural to pick of pieces and breadcrumbs from those who tossed their meager offerings my way.

But I never felt truly satisfied ~ even when I felt the transparent shower of happiness from these shallow interactions.

It wasn’t until I was left alone with myself that I realized I was trying to seek outside validation of my own worth from these men.

I was relying on them to make me happy, to make me feel interesting and even depending upon them for the acceptance that I was physically attractive.

I needed to be left alone to realize that everything that I was seeking from others was precisely what I needed to discover within my own heart.

It took a long time to fall in love with myself ~ and to be at a point where I don’t feel the need to apologize for it anymore.
But now, not only do I know who I am and what I want ~ I also know what I deserve.

And this time ~ I want it all

Kate Rose

How to Choose a Lover~


By lover, I don’t mean merely an intimate partner or a sexual dalliance.

By lover, I mean a person who ravishes your entire being—mind, body, heart and soul.

By lover, I mean the person who takes your breath away and breathes life into your dreams. By lover, I mean the person whose body fits yours like a glove and in whose eyes you see eternity. By lover, I mean the person who captures your attention and captivates your being.

You see, it is easy to choose a physical lover—as the commercial reminds us, there’s an app for that. You can swipe your way to a booked social calendar and still live with an empty heart. Many view the quest for love as a numbers game…the more exposures you have to potential partners, the better your chances. While I see the rationale behind that, I believe that is far too simple.

To choose a lover like the one above is not a numbers game. It is birthed from a deep and raw place within the soul—a place where many of us rarely explore within ourselves and don’t really know. That is why we choose our lovers based on surface characteristics and miss the soulful connection our hearts are craving.

To choose a lover who is soul food is a process that first requires one to go within and explore the deepest parts of oneself. One must discover who they were before life told them who they should be. One must shine a light into the darkness, knowing that facing the demons that reside there is vital to self-discovery. One must be willing to touch the places that ache, the longing within and the call of the heart. One must be willing to be undone, to feel lost and to let go—of projections, expectations and all the things you think love should be.

Choosing this type of soulful lover is not like going to a buffet where you try a little of this and that until you find what pleases your palate and satiates your hunger. You will only find the soulful lover you seek when you have been willing to go through your own soulful process of discovery.

You see, the soulful lover is not likely to be found on the buffet line. The soulful lover is like the best diamonds that are kept in the jewelry store—kept in the back, in the safe where only the most serious of buyers gain access. The soulful lover is a hidden treasure that can be accessed only by those with the eyes to see beneath the surface and go deep into the soul.

To choose a lover, you must first choose yourself.

You choose to allow the destruction of enlightenment to have its way with your life. You choose to remain steadfast in your commitment to your highest good. You choose to retain the hope and belief in the divinity of the universe that will bring everything you need to you at the exact right time.

You do not run around, chasing love. You sit back and become love. You spread love wherever you go in whatever you do. You let love be your guide, your roadmap and your true north. Love begets love and what you give out is what you get back.

To choose a lover, you must know what you are seeking and trust that as Rumi stated, “what you seek is seeking you.” When you are deeply living from a place of authentic truth, you will find those who are doing the same. From that space, you will no longer be standing in a buffet line, tasting the options but will be following your bliss to the place you most desire and filling your plate with that which fulfills, sustains and enriches your being.

~Lisa Vallejos, PhD

Love’s Deeper Commitment~


Let’s not commit to a future together. The future is so unknown, and we are so fluid, and tired of pretending that we know.
Our thoughts and feelings are ever-changing, uncontrollable, like a wild ocean of love.
Our desires wax and wane; our dreams are born and die in every moment.
Let’s not commit to a form of love. The forms are always shifting, like the tides.
We do not need security here. We are not seeking comfort, but Truth.
Let’s make a deeper commitment; one that cannot be broken or lost.
To presence. To meeting in the here-and-now.
To bringing all of ourselves. To knowing, and letting ourselves be known.
To telling the truth, today; knowing that our truth may change tomorrow.
To bowing before each other, even if our hearts are broken and tender.
No promises, no guarantees.
Loving takes courage! Yes!
For love is a field, not a form. Let us commit to the field, remember the field in every moment of our precious days on this Earth.
In ten years’ time, we may still be together. We may have children. We may live together, or live apart.
We may never see each other again. This may be our last day.
If we are honest, we really do not know; not knowing is our Home.
We may be friends, or lovers, or strangers, or family, or we may remain undefined, beyond narrative, our love unable to be captured in words.
Here at the edge of the known, on the line that once divided sanity from madness, and doubt from certainty, we play, we dance, we drink tea, we touch each other, we cry, we laugh, we meet.
We sacrifice comfort and predictability. But what we gain is astonishing: This tremendous sense of being alive. No longer numb to the mysteries of love, the mysteries of our bodies.
A little raw, perhaps. A little shaky. Maybe a little disoriented, but perhaps this is the price of being totally free.
Maybe an old part of us still seeks mommy or daddy, that Magic Person who will never leave, always be there, take away the loneliness repressed in our guts. Loving that frightened part too; bowing to that part too, but no longer being controlled by it.
And they will ask:
What about your future?
What happens if you have children?
How the hell do you define yourselves?
Why are you afraid of commitment?
Why do you run from security? Comfort? Future?
They will say you are crazy, or you don’t understand love, or you are lost, or you are unloving and selfish, and you will smile, and understand their fear, for their fear was once yours, and you cannot abandon your path now.
And nobody has to walk with you. Ever.
At some point, only Truth will satisfy. A living Truth, renewing itself each and every moment, the wild Truth of the open heart.
When Love and Truth are One, when the Commitment is deeply rooted in the breath, we can finally face each other without resentment, and explode into the most melancholy sunsets, held in the most profound joy.
Walking alone, together, alone.


Choose a Man who will Serve your Soul~


“Your openness draws your man into you more deeply, and you feel him more fully inside of your heart. He relaxes his fears and enters you with more love, and you relax your fears and receive him more fully. Eventually, you both surrender so completely that there is no guarding or holding back at all. Sex becomes unbounded love.” ~ David Deida

You are awoken in a way that no longer draws an ordinary man. Wise woman, wild woman, ancient muse of artists and poets, you crave a partner who can discern your siren call.

You’ve been the shadow that’s slipped past him on moonlit walks, when he’s been searching his heart. He’s reached out to grasp you but the time was never right.

Like a wisp of wind, you’ve eluded him on his journey toward enlightenment.

Perhaps he was not ready, perhaps you weren’t either, while you’ve been soaking your bones in mystery and reading sacred texts, he’s also been feeding his mind with poetry and prose. Perhaps while you’ve been listening to the whispers of forest spirits and leaning against wise old trees, he’s been a step or two behind you, aching for the sound of your steps on the sodden moss.

Wild woman, spiritual seeker, choose a man who will feed your soul.

You have seen him in the cards, he’s illusive but he’s real. He’s a challenge, he’s unafraid to speak his mind. He’s a man who knows his path.

You need a man whose strength is in more than his hands. You need a man whose character makes your heart pound, your body lose control.

He’s the kind of man who will drink your essence but who won’t worship you, because he knows how real you need to be. He’ll admire your fire, he’ll melt at your touch—he’ll enter your soul through your eyes.

He’ll understand your independence, the many times you’ll leave his side. He’ll follow if you ask him but keep his dreams his own. He’ll tie you down only when you ask it, and then, he’ll do it well. A man who feeds your soul can feed your body as well.

He admires your solitude, he is turned on by your mind, he lives for your next breath of wisdom—wild woman—you’re everything he’s been looking for.

The books on your shelf, the incense in the air, the card splayed to tell his future, the chanting from your meditation room—all sacred food for him.

Choose a man who understands walks under the heavy, magical moon. One who will take your hand and trod through silently falling snow. One who talks to the stars and for whom the planets turn.

Choose a man whose smile will drop you to your knees. One whose mouth burns at the back of your neck and the bottom of your spine. One whose love leaves no question about its intentions—he’s knows that you’re the one.

Choose a man who’s not afraid of his sexuality or yours. He’ll crave what you cradle in between your hips, his tongue like honey and his manhood rising to meet your lust. While you croon a love song, while you drift across his lips, he’ll bring you to an ecstasy of ocean waves crashing to the shore.

Give him everything, mystic woman. Pour him some pomegranate wine. Give him a drink of forbidden fantasies, let him know you in your darkest form.

A man who feeds your soul craves you raw. A man who feeds your soul walks with the raven as his guide. He is at home in this world and the one in between, that place where spirits gather and everything is known. Let him feed you with his magic, the words only he can speak, the deep, rich timber of his voice caressing your ears while you lie stretched naked in his arms.

He won’t run. No matter what you reveal. Even if you say that dragons or unicorns or wicked spirits visit your nighttime dreams. Even if you utter words that only witches learned. Even if you tell him that once your body burned on a pyre of hatred and fear. Choose a man who will serve your soul. Who knows that you are the universe, the sea at midnight, the plaintive sound inside a seashell and the whir of hummingbird’s wings at dawn.

He knows that you are solitude. That at times you are a destructive wind. That sometimes you are the frozen tundra and sometimes the heat of a dessert isle. Sometimes he is those things too, and why he gets you and still stays.

So lay down your defenses. Put your sword in its safe place, drop that shield. He’s not going to hurt you, and if he does, it will be okay. You’ll understand each others weaknesses. Wild woman, let him in.

Choose a man who’ll serve your soul.

~Monika Carless…/choose-a-man-who-will-ser…/

Consciously Awake Women LOVE SEX.~


Consciously Awake Women LOVE SEX.~

Let’s get one thing straight. Women LOVE sex. So, if you ever hear a woman talking about sex like it’s a chore—as if she’d rather vacuum or tidy up the house—she’s having THE WRONG KIND OF SEX.

Contrary to popular belief women are not less sexual than men. We’re wired differently. While many men can get an erection and go from zero to hero in less than five minutes, most women need a whole heck of a lot more than that to feel sexually satisfied. Men, do you want to see your woman’s body convulsing in orgasms? Do you want to hear her screaming roars of ecstasy so loud that the neighbours can hear?

Then listen up: If you want to be the kind of lover that makes your woman never forget you, it’s time to seriously educate yourself on the Art of Sex. This means knowing how to give a woman mind-blowing orgasms—both with your tongue and your, well, Prince Charming.

Women are drawn to capable men who actually care about what they do and how they do it. Have you ever heard the phrase, “You get out what you put in?” It’s true. If you want a good lover, you’ve got to become a good lover yourself. Consciously Awake women need more than physical sex. The physical is only one level. The next level—the level we deeply desire—is energetic. It’s an exploration of connection, energy, passion, and transcendental states. This type of sex is cosmic.

So, if you’re new to the concept of Consciously Awake Sex, I’ll explain quickly. You are more than your physical body. In addition to what you understand as your body (head, arms, feet, organs, etc.), you possess energetic bodies as well. Everyone does. Because of these bodies’ existence, physical sex will only take you so far. It’s surface level with very little depth.

This is the type of sex most everyone is having (if any), as it doesn’t require much skill. Sex is complex. It’s so complex that the idea you know what sex is solely because you can functionally “do it”, leads to mediocre sex. And mediocre sex gets real friggin’ boring after awhile.

This is the type of sex anyone can have. It’s boring. Not everyone has the balls, wherewithal or courage to dive in and learn what it takes to connect energetically with a woman during sex. To experience and explore the depths of another, you have to get beyond the physical and into the other energetic bodies. That’s when you tap into and become the states of ecstasy and pleasure you once thought existed only in dreams.

So, men, if this is what you want: women who crave you sexually and orgasms that shake the walls, then read on. I’m about to hand you the blueprint to what you need to know exactly what Consciously Awake women want sexually from men.

What Consciously Awake Women Want Sexually From Men Emotionally Open Men:

First and foremost: we want, more than anything else in the world, men who live with an open heart. We don’t want men who act like women. We want men who have energy freely flowing through them. Most men are living their lives closed off. And we’ll never be able to experience the energetically connected sex we crave with these types of men. An erection is not enough to make us feel the depth of your energetic being as a man nor connect us to higher planes. We need to feel energy emanating from your body. And this requires you to open your heart. You might be wondering, what the hell does that feel like? It’s electric.

Suddenly we are not just physical bodies anymore. Even though we’re still having a physical experience, we’re also having an energetic experience that expands far beyond our bodies into infinity. Men who are disassociated, depressed, have sexual hang ups, and emotional issues are hard to feel energetically. Although penis size does matter to some degree—especially for women who have caves or tunnels for vaginas—a man, who’s connected to his energy source and his soul, can connect us to the energetic plane.

When two people connect energetically, not just physically, MAGIC happens. Energy pulses and quivers at high vibrational frequencies as it courses through our body making sex a complete body high. Consciously Awake sex transcends basic sex on ALL LEVELS. It’s raw. It’s primal. Men: you must be willing to dive into the fire of your souls. That’s the “how-to” on opening your heart. Therapy and coaching connect you to a deeper purpose. Live from this place.

Passion: Sex is Art A man who has vision sees sex as art. And ladies: you shouldn’t even go out with men who lack vision or creativity. Passionate men cannot be underrated. A man who pursues his desires passionately says far more about him as a lover than you can imagine. We want this type of man. A passionate man who invests himself wholeheartedly into the things he desires to do well.

A passionate lover will have conscious hands. He looks deep into our eyes and connects to every square inch of our bodies. We will feel his energy in his hands. His energy courses its way into our skin, down into our blood, deep into our heart and soul. As a new lover to a woman, you must take time to explore what she (as an individual) wants. Well-trained lovers know she is not like every other woman. They will listen to her pulse, feel the rhythms of her body, and tune-in to her energy.

A man who doesn’t know how to connect to your energetic body cannot produce this level of connection. Connecting energetically requires one to know how to get beyond the surface of physical pleasure into the depth of your being. That kind of access is wooed and seduced, it’s not basic. Men who take pride in the skills they have will take the time, and treat your body like a temple.

These men are the kind of men that understand the alchemy of sexuality. If you are reading this and want to know how to connect to your energy or have Conscious Sex you have to educate yourself in any way possible about this process. There are countless resources online. Don’t just wait for someone to teach you, go figure it out.

Skills: Be the Best Lover You Can Be We have no patience for men who won’t invest their time and resources into understanding what it takes to be an amazing lover. A man who wants to be a good lover will be a good lover. Period. It’s neither mean nor cruel to want our men to be great men and great lovers, especially if we’re doing the work and investing in evolving ourselves. If you want a great lover, you too need to be a great lover.

If you don’t know how, don’t resort to porn. There are too many amazing resources available that will guide you down the rabbit hole of sexuality and love. Seek out what you want to be and experience it fully. All men need to learn how to be good lovers. Remember: knowing how to functionally have sex doesn’t mean you’re a good lover. A true lover is a giver. He also knows how to receive. He explores your body.

He seeks to understand what your body craves. He cares about your pleasure. Reciprocity is the key of being an artful lover. It’s a dance—an exchange of energy that is most balanced in reciprocity.

Variety: Value Different Positions “On top”, missionary, and “from behind” are not the end all-be all of sex. Be creative and adventurous. Learn what your woman loves: which positions work and why. What is she into? If you are adventurous or kinky don’t connect with someone who isn’t. You need to choose lovers that have the same level of openness as you do.

Remember: not all women are created equal. They’re diverse in how they feel. The shape of their vagina will make certain positions more pleasing for some over others. Mix it up. Experiment. Don’t get monotonous. If you have a hard time feeling her out, ASK QUESTIONS. Women like men who know what they are doing. We also like curiosity as it relates to our body.

Touch: Kiss, Feel, Breathe The three golden rules of sex: kiss, feel, and breathe. Kissing is one of the most erotic forms of sexuality and can fuel so much passion between lovers. Kissing alone can unlock energetic bodies. Feel into us. Let us feel your weight and your strength. We aren’t fragile. Let us feel your presence. Breathe. Don’t be in a hurry. Use your breath. Be intentional and connect on a much deeper level. A lot of people don’t have the patience to get beyond the physical. It takes practice and Conscious Awareness to unlock the layers of our bodies we keep blocked most of the time. Kissing, feeling, and breath can help us release the energetic body.

Intimacy: Connected Sex Quickies are fair game… SOME of the time. There’s always a time and a place. But Consciously Awake sex takes time. It takes practice and conditioning. You have to make time. This is sex. And whatever your excuses are for not having it need to disappear if you want to get beyond the mundane. True intimacy is not created while in a hurry. We live in a fast paced world. But that does not extend to us having jack-rabbit-esque speedy sex—or sex that ends with one person busting a nut while the other is left unsatisfied.

In order to connect energetically you have to become intentional with your focus on breath, touch, and kissing. There is healing and sensuality in touch. Don’t be in a hurry. Slowww dowwwwwwwn to get through sex. Let go of the usual focus on achieving orgasm. Slow down. Drop into the ENTIRE EXPERIENCE: the dance, exchange and mixing of energy, the alchemy of two souls aligning in physical ecstasy. Welcome to the realm of energetic and cosmic sex, and the land of multiple orgasms.

Try the Consciously Awake Route. You’ll thank me later. smile emoticon Peace. Love. And LOTS OF HOT CONSCIOUS SEX!

~Kelly Marceau

True Intimacy~


True intimacy is only possible through vulnerability, which means being honest about who I am.

Nobody likes to be manipulated, and that’s what our social masks are designed to do: manipulate other people’s opinions and behaviour in our favour.

But a sensitive, open heart can feel through the facade, and one’s carefully prepared fictions don’t interest an open heart.

We yearn to feel the truth in one another. The Real.

We ache for The Real.

Authenticity and vulnerability can be wildly sexy because they are acts of openly offering ourselves as Real as we come.

Besides, when you see me honour and share my Real you feel more comfortable to honour and share yours.

In that dance, intimacy is inevitable.

~Bryan Reeves

The Sanctuary of Relationships~


When we reveal ourselves to our partner and find that this brings healing rather than harm, we make an important discovery ~ that intimate relationship can provide a sanctuary from the world of facades, a sacred space where we can be ourselves, as we are. This kind of unmasking ~ speaking our truth, sharing our inner struggles, and revealing our raw edges ~ is a sacred activity, which allows two souls to meet and touch more deeply.

~ John Welwood

New Earth relationships will be so different to the relationships you now have. They will be gentler and more playful and yet wise. There will be less intensity and drama, and more caring, nurturing and companionship.

You will come to realise that the purpose of relationship, all relationship, is to “relate” – to share and to support and to nurture from your own sense of abundance and completeness.

You will look for relationships that are spiritual and heart-based, rather than physical and emotional. In the Old Earth relationship paradigm, relationships were based on physical attraction and emotional bonding.

In the New earth, your relationships will be based in the heart, in feelings, compassion, connection and mutual respect and support.

We for-see many relationships growing between people of different age groups and different cultures, relationships that will be deep and meaningful, and yet would not have seemed possible before because of the narrow limitations of what you considered a relationship to be in your Old Earth energy framework.

These relationships will be light and joyous, and yet capable of real depth and intimacy because the people concerned will be more interested in the connections of the soul rather than the connections of the external and the physical realms.

There will be sharing and caring, and yet both partners will be independent and self-reliant within themselves. There can be no co-dependency in the New Earth. Balance is so important.

These relationships will be balanced and loving, between two equally powerful and caring persons. There will be no dominance, no victims, no dramas and no abuse.

There will be commitment – commitment to the relationship and the mutual growth of each of the partners within the relationship. And this will be true for all relationships, not just love or romantic relationships.

Friendships will become deeper and more meaningful experiences, as you understand that you have soul families, and that your friends often are close soul relations who are here to love and support you in your work on the planet. And when your relationships exist in this loving and balanced state, then your sexuality will also be loving and balanced.

And, once again humans will learn to celebrate and enjoy their creative and sexual energies in ways that are life-enhancing and ecstatic. And we are here to work with you and love you and support you as you move into this loving and love-filled space.

~ Indigo Nin

What Makes Great Sex~


What makes great sex? ♡ ♡ ♡

For me, it’s the vulnerability of the intimacy, the closeness and trust, the acceptance of the other, the raw passion, intimately knowing another person and them knowing me. It is the pleasure I feel and seeing another receive pleasure from me at the same time.

And those things don’t always happen straight away. Of course, that first night, the roaming hands, the writhing limbs, the excitement of the first touch and the thrill, release and expression of the first time can be mind blowing. And so can the beginnings of a relationship. It’s new and adventurous and full of big dreams and pinned hopes. And it feels great.

But it doesn’t last like that. It’s not supposed to. Those first few weeks or months are a whirlwind of passion and fun and snap decisions and belly flipping.

The real magic starts when the real work begins. And just the same as back bending, knee wobbling sex, it requires a few things.

*Before we go any further, it’s important to remember the intuition, the spontaneity, the positive thoughtlessness and most importantly, the love. It’s not all heady and logical. In fact it probably shouldn’t be. These things are apparent when we look closer and break things down a bit more.

♡ Trust

If I don’t trust you, I’m not going to let you see all of me. I’m not going to let go because I’m scared you will judge me, hurt me, let me down, abuse me. And it’s true for both the bedroom and the heart (which really don’t have to be quite as separate as we so often make them). I have to trust you. And you have to trust me. Because to show me all of you is vulnerable. But without it we’re screwed (or not). But trust is hard. It’s brave. It’s scary. And it’s essential.

♡ Vulnerability

Vulnerability is such a big word and means so much. It means humility and selflessness. It means breaking down barriers and dropping the defences. It means being brave enough to be transparent and show who you are, what you like, how you think and what you feel. And in the same way that real magic is created when we tell our secret sexual fantasies and our partner fulfills them with us.

When we express what our needs are in our relationships, having them met by our partner is the most gratifying sort of magic imaginable. But they have to know what we like and what we want before they can do it. And sometimes that takes time to learn, but it’s always about being vulnerable enough to show up just as we are. Honest transparency. And that’s vulnerable.

♡ Knowledge

Great sex doesn’t have to be all about spontaneity. And even when it is, if we are spontaneous whilst knowing the other, it’s better. It just is. I know what turns you on. You know what turns me on. And they are probably different things. But it doesn’t matter. Because once we know those things, doing them isn’t a chore (and if it is, what the heck are you doing?!). Rather, we find our own pleasure in the others. But we have to know first. We have to learn. Our needs, dreams, desires and turn-ons have to be understood for them to be met most of the time. So know me, then blow my mind. And then take me to bed.

♡ Satisfaction

Great sex is never great if we are not satisfied. And even if it’s great for us and we are fulfilled, if the other isn’t, you’d have to be some special kind of selfish to not care about that. Because the satisfaction comes from not only being satisfied ourselves, but seeing the satisfaction of the other. And it applies to both the bed and the heart.

We can all go off and do our own thing without our partner and neglect their needs. And whilst we may be satisfied by that, they are not. Remember that special kind of selfish? Enabling mutual satisfaction shouldn’t be about denying any part of ourselves. It shouldn’t be going against any core part of our being and it shouldn’t hurt us to do so. It’s about finding a way through. Because the magic that we make when we put our minds (and hands) to it so that we are both satisfied is a magic reserved for the angels. But it’s not easy. And it involves a lot (and in a way, none at all) of the last point.

♡ Effort (That isn’t really effort at all)

Life isn’t always easy. And love almost always isn’t. In fact there’s no such thing as great lazy love. And there’s no such thing as great lazy sex. Think about what lazy sex means. It means one person doing all the work, all the time. And whilst it’s important to concentrate solely on the other often and with selflessness, too much one way traffic inevitably ends in dissatisfaction and resentment.

Effort in both the bed and the heart actually means no effort at all. Holding back, keeping the defenses up and choosing to think only of yourself actually requires a lot more effort than allowing ourselves to love and be loved fully and without inhibition or selfishness and with humility, passion and empathy. So quit trying so hard to stay safe, accepted, sexy or selfish and put the same effort into letting go and helping your partner to let go.

So make love to my life. Go slowly with my hopes and come along with my dreams. Caress my cares and touch my heart. Go fast with me when life excites me and don’t hold me back when I find something I’m crazy about. Show me your passion, your thrills and pleasures and show me how you want me to meet you there.

Let’s share our deepest desires in candle lit whispers and toast our love with dark red wine. Let’s let our bodies dance in a rhythm all our own and let’s writhe in the ecstasy of life whilst taking each other to the edges of our bliss.

Let’s love as we make it and make it as we love.

~Andy Charrington

Sexuality & Spirituality~


Sexuality and spirituality are closely intertwined. When sexuality is grounded in a loving intimate relationship with another person it can increase our ability to connect with the vastness and wonder of the universe. When sexual desire is separate from a loving connection it can become a negative or empty experience separate. What helps a sexual relationship feel satisfying and connected, is a relationship that is satisfying and deeply connected. For many people, the desire for sexual union and ecstasy reflects a deeper desire for spirit and a sense of oneness with the Universe. While sexual union with another can give us a glimpse of the ecstasy of spiritual fulfilment, sex alone cannot give us that fulfilment. Hopefully, the desire for sex that satisfies and goes deep, will entice us to opening up our lives and become transparent to our partner.

Sexuality and spirituality are both deeply personal and connected to our life force energy. Our attitudes about life, love, care and compassion are all connected to our feelings about sexuality. We all came to this earth through a sexual act. If life is sacred, then so is sexuality. Unfortunately sex has been tremendously defiled in our patriarchal culture where sexuality has been paired with shame, control, domination, exploitation and evil. To heal our sexuality means changing our beliefs so that we associate sexuality with love, care, joy and commitment. To do this means embarking on a journey where we open our minds to re-think all we have learned about sex-role stereotypes, love, sexuality and spirituality.

Getting beyond our self-absorption and being able to tap into the wonder and awe of creation can help us deepen our experience with sexuality. When we are full of tenderness, vitality, and openness to life, it helps sex have a flow and vitality that keeps it alive and fluid. Sexuality grounded in love, and commitment and openness to growth can deepen and strengthen the connection between two people and intensify their sense of intimacy and oneness. When we open our inner world to our partner and allow the power of our energy flow through us, we naturally open our heart.

Sexuality is not always about partners and orgasm. It is related to the way we live in our bodies and experience the sensual pleasures of life. We can be alive to our senses, yet not be controlled by them. We can feel connected to the wonder of life when we smell bread baking, slowly eat a juicy peach, stroke velvet or gaze at the moon passing through hazy clouds. Connecting to our sexual energy is also about feeling joy and passion that come from honest conversation, giving to others, being in nature, being active and being of service. The concept of sexuality as kundalini–life force energy–resting like a coiled snake at the base of the spine ready to rise up and fill us with energy suggests that sex can be used as a tool for spiritual awakening. This is a tricky subject, because it is important not to fool ourselves by saying we are being sexual in order to be enlightened. We need to have a bond with our partner. One way sexual experience helps open our hearts is when we allow the sexual energy to fill us and then breathe the energy from the pelvis up into our heart.

If we think of the body, mind and spirit as one, then to have a sense of wholeness associated with our sexuality is to be tuned into all aspects of our being–our spiritual life, senses, feelings and thoughts. Sexuality is something we each possess and have available for our pleasure whether or not we are with a partner. In many ways the spiritual journey is about making love to ourselves in a myriad of ways–listening to our hearts, being honest, following our calling in life, giving ourselves pleasure and tapping into the wonder of the life force energy which people call God, Great Spirit, Goddess, Allah, Universal Energy, to name a few. Part of our sexual awakening can also be through making physical love to ourselves–taking time to pleasure ourselves, get to know our bodies and feel comfortable with our smells, sensations and erotic feelings. It’s important not to depend solely on another person for sexual pleasure. We need to know it belongs to each of us and is ours to experience and enjoy.

Becoming whole sexually is about becoming whole as a person.

~ Charlotte Sophia Kasl, Ph.D.

To read more on this…

art: Mark Henson